Airyka
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Sep 2007 Posts: 24 Location: Lancaster, pa, 17603 USA
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I Need Advice to Get Over Him
Posted: 09-03-07 17:12pm
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I been with this boy on and off for about
a year. We've been through alot. When we
first got together some where in the back
of my mind I knew he didnt really wanna be
with me. But I didn't care.He was my
"first" and so far my last.In the
beginning I lied to him...it started out
as a joke but i let it get to far. Once he
found out He broke up with me and i went
CRAZY!!! I cried for weeks I did nothing
in school except write him letters I
started cutting myself, I tried to kill
myself, every girlfriend he had after me I
found some way to break them up! My life
just went downhill my grades went down I
lost friends because I wanted to be alone.
He wouldn't even talk to me. I made a
promise to myself that I will get him
back. I stayed stuck on him for a whole
year...had noone else I didnt even look at
another boy. I'll admit I did get him back
a year later......But he just used me 2
weeks and he left me for no reason at all.
Now I can't leave him alone. I dont no
what to do I can't get over him I can't
concentrate because he's all I think
about. I cut myself to ease the pain I
feel from him. And I can't take it no
more. Can anyone help me?
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2773 Location: ,
Thanks: 19
Thanked:18
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Re: I Need Advice to Get Over Him
Posted: 09-03-07 22:00pm
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| Airyka
wrote: | | I been with this boy on and
off for about a year. We've been through
alot. When we first got together some
where in the back of my mind I knew he
didnt really wanna be with me. But I
didn't care.He was my "first" and so far
my last.In the beginning I lied to
him...it started out as a joke but i let
it get to far. Once he found out He broke
up with me and i went CRAZY!!! I cried for
weeks I did nothing in school except write
him letters I started cutting myself, I
tried to kill myself, every girlfriend he
had after me I found some way to break
them up! My life just went downhill my
grades went down I lost friends because I
wanted to be alone. He wouldn't even talk
to me. I made a promise to myself that I
will get him back. I stayed stuck on him
for a whole year...had noone else I didnt
even look at another boy. I'll admit I did
get him back a year later......But he just
used me 2 weeks and he left me for no
reason at all. Now I can't leave him
alone. I dont no what to do I can't get
over him I can't concentrate because he's
all I think about. I cut myself to ease
the pain I feel from him. And I can't take
it no more. Can anyone help
me? |
look you need professional help at this
point and pronto. YOu need to go to a
phsychiatrist to put you on some
anti-depressant pills and then you need
therapy so they can treat the root cause
of your problem (which is not this man but
something that must root deep down to your
childhood). And you need to be careful
because that guy can eventually sue you
for invasion of privacy. I hope you get
seek professional help soon.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:04pm
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you do NOT need pills or anti depresents
you just need some way to stop what your
doing
realize hes an a** and uses you
wallow in the sweet misery of all thats
happened
and proceed with your life
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Airyka
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Sep 2007 Posts: 24 Location: Lancaster, pa, 17603 USA
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:15pm
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I know I don't need pills or anything I
just need away to get over him to somehow
get him out of my life. No one can seem to
give me advice n that.
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:15pm
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Ofcourse your upset!! He was your first
and you loved him. Hes a jack butt.
Im sorry you have to feel this way. Can
you switch schools?
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Airyka
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Sep 2007 Posts: 24 Location: Lancaster, pa, 17603 USA
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:17pm
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Thankz........Im sorry I have to feel this
way to
I thought love was a good thing but all
i've had so far was
Pain and suffering
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:19pm
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| Airyka
wrote: | | I know I don't need pills or
anything I just need away to get over him
to somehow get him out of my life. No one
can seem to give me advice n
that. |
exactly no one can give you advice because
you are the only person who can overcome
this...when love turns to obsession. we
cannot tell you how to get over him
because everyone is different and we are
not you 
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
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Posted: 09-03-07 22:27pm
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| Airyka
wrote: | Thankz........Im sorry I
have to feel this way to
I thought love was a good thing but all
i've had so far was
Pain and
suffering |
I hate to say it but being in relation
ship is always going to be hard, you
shouldnt be suffering though. You really
just seem like you need a hug. lol
*HUGS* You
will find someone someday though. Dont
give this boy the satisfaction, you gotta
atleast pretend to be happy.
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d3v1ld0g
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 5 Location: ,
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Posted: 09-04-07 01:06am
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I can tell you this from a guys POV. You
were nothing but a fling to him...sorry to
say this but its true. Listen im sure your
an attractive young woman, there are
plenty of guys out there for you. I can
understand you fell in love with him
because he was your first. I guarantee you
that if you gave somebody a chance they
can steal your heart in a much different
and more special way than the way he got
yours. Theres more to life than that. Your
still young you need to go out there and
discover what the meaning of love really
is. Dont feel bad about yourself, you dont
sound like a bad person. So just move on
and find some lucky guy who will make you
happy. Just look back and think..this guy
has made you cut yourself and think about
killing yourself. Is that the kinda guy
you want...somebody who makes you wanna
kill yourself??? Listen honey its time to
move on now chin up and keep on truckin.
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
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Posted: 09-04-07 20:48pm
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| d3v1ld0g
wrote: | | I can tell you this from a
guys POV. You were nothing but a fling to
him...sorry to say this but its true.
Listen im sure your an attractive young
woman, there are plenty of guys out there
for you. I can understand you fell in love
with him because he was your first. I
guarantee you that if you gave somebody a
chance they can steal your heart in a much
different and more special way than the
way he got yours. Theres more to life than
that. Your still young you need to go out
there and discover what the meaning of
love really is. Dont feel bad about
yourself, you dont sound like a bad
person. So just move on and find some
lucky guy who will make you happy. Just
look back and think..this guy has made you
cut yourself and think about killing
yourself. Is that the kinda guy you
want...somebody who makes you wanna kill
yourself??? Listen honey its time to move
on now chin up and keep on
truckin. |
SEE NOW AIRYKA!! I dont know if thats your
name, but hes a good guy. Not
all guys are that bad...Im sure thiers
many boys out thier WHO R NICE!!! out
thier for you. Yu see Im 16 I just found
Im pregnant and my babys dad, hes going to
be thier for me and I know it, he may even
more excited about our baby than me if
that possable. Hes a good guy I was just
lucky enough for him to be my first Im
sorry you didnt have that same
expierence...I wish every girl could.
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entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
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Moving On
Posted: 09-05-07 12:11pm
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Hi:
A view from a 50-year-old woman who has
been over that bridge before.
First off, I think you've realized by now
that a relationship built on a lie will
never last. I don't know what kind of lie
it was but the fact that it went on for
awhile and it sounds like you didn't own
up makes me wonder. How would you feel if
that had happened to you? Would you be as
forgiving?
OK, you've learned your lesson, namely
that every rose has its thorns. Now, how
to go about getting your life in order?
First off, STAY COMPLETELY AWAY from him.
Take his telephone number off every place
you have it and DO NOT TEXT him. It will
take a great effort on your part to do
this but if you can, you're on your way.
If you have mutual friends, avoid them for
awhile. They may mean well in telling you
what he's doing but they're not helping
you.
Next, go ahead and mourn your loss. Every
break-up teaches a lesson. With my first
"True Love" (way before you were born) I
learned that I wasn't the bad person I
believed he said I was, that I had worth.
That love is between equals not a
master-slave relationship (I don't mean
BDSM). Don't be surprised if you dream
about him. I did for quite awhile and
would wake up in a cold sweat. Even 22
years later I occasionally have a dream
but in these dreams I'm telling him that
there's no way we can ever get back
together.
Then start focusing on yourself. You need
to be a friend to yourself before you can
be a friend to anyone else. Cutting is
not the answer. Why would you defile
yourself over a mistake? You are a person
with worth and are NOT a doormat. Make
some changes--out with the old, in the
new. Change your hair (color, style,
length), buy some new clothing
(consignment shops have great stuff at
good prices), whatever reminds you of that
part of your past gets pitched. You don't
say how old you are so I'm trying to come
up with ideas that don't cost much.
If you're in school, now's the time to
make new friends and join some new
activities. Is there something you've
always wanted to do and never did (learn
to play chess, join a book club,
whatever)? Now's the time! Form a study
group for one of the classes you may find
either really easy (where you can help
others) or really hard (where you can
receive help). You'll have a group of
people that you'll have something in
common with.
I really haven't had all that many
relationships in my life (I married for
the first time when I was 3  , and there was
usually a multi-year period between them
(I'm a slow healer). However, I've been
blessed with a wonderful support group of
friends, both male and female, with whom I
could hang out and who would keep me on
the straight and narrow. Do you have any
kind of support network?
The thing is, you have to take that first
step. None of us can do that for you.
It's very difficult and very scary. To
put it coldly, he was a habit you picked
up and now it's time to drop it. But you
know, you have the power to change your
life, make new choices. Of course you're
going to make a few mistakes but that's
how you learn.
The first love is often the hardest
because "love" is presented as sonnets and
symphonies. Even the first few months of
any relationship has one walking on air.
You'll know when you're in a committed
relationship if you can accept each other
for who they are (bad faults included),
trust each other, be there for there for
each other--all the things that friends do
for each other. After all, friendship is
the basis for anything further. Even if
it doesn't work out you may be able to
part as good friends and discover another
side of that person you can appreciate.
Not all love is romantic and I think the
"filial" love may be more lasting.
You will get over your sadness but if
you're not feeling better after a few
weeks I suggest you consider seeing a
mental health professional. You may have
a short-lasting depression that could be
overcome by just talking things through.
Good luck and keep posting. We do care.
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keys101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Sep 2007 Posts: 87 Location: , USA
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Posted: 10-21-07 11:05am
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nobody who causes you to do things you
normally wouldn't do is worth it, hon.
Give yourself time, keep doing things you
love to do that do not include him. time
heals all.
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Mikolas
Supporter
Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 618 Location: Buffalo University, Hands off! My trained killer kitten has its aim set upon you!
Thanks: 19
Thanked:1
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Posted: 10-21-07 22:54pm
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As they said, he wasn't worth it. You
spent too much energy toiling over this
guy, what a waste. Spend your healing time
doing things that'll help stop you from
thinking, do volunteer work or join clubs
or some sort of activity that requires you
to think about things other then yourself
and your misery.
All I want to say is, if you can get over
this, get what needs to be done in life,
and realize this bunghole of a man you
thought was worth your love was a fake,
some years from now, when you are going to
reflect on your past, you are going to sit
there and simply laugh and go "jeez, what
an fool I was, I could have spent those
months in pain doing things I wanted to
do".
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Airyka
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Sep 2007 Posts: 24 Location: Lancaster, pa, 17603 USA
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This Is Wat I Need Help With
Posted: 10-21-07 23:00pm
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Ok I no wen i wrote this i said me and
this boy have been on and off for about a
year.....But we have a child
together.........we've technically been on
and off for about 4 years but I haven't
counted the past becuz in august about 2
or 3 months b4 i had my daughter we broke
up and we stayed apart for about
2yrs.....its so hard for me to get over
him becuz i have to see him wen he sees my
daughter infact i have to see him when i
look at my daughter this is why i need
help getting over him
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
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Re: This Is Wat I Need Help With
Posted: 10-21-07 23:08pm
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| Airyka
wrote: | | Ok I no wen i wrote this i
said me and this boy have been on and off
for about a year.....But we have a child
together.........we've technically been on
and off for about 4 years but I haven't
counted the past becuz in august about 2
or 3 months b4 i had my daughter we broke
up and we stayed apart for about
2yrs.....its so hard for me to get over
him becuz i have to see him wen he sees my
daughter infact i have to see him when i
look at my daughter this is why i need
help getting over
him |
Hey,
Yaa I see how this must be frusterating.
Honestly thier will more then likely
always be a part of you that wont let go
because you loved him and hes your babys
father. Hes going to be in and out of your
life forever the only thing you can do is
realise that you deserve better then him
and keep your self buisy which Im sure
isnt hard since your raising a child. lol
I hope you
and your daughter are doing well. ttyl
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very-confused
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2007 Posts: 38 Location: ,
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Posted: 11-02-07 12:19pm
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| victoria16
wrote: | | d3v1ld0g
wrote: | | I can tell you this from a
guys POV. You were nothing but a fling to
him...sorry to say this but its true.
Listen im sure your an attractive young
woman, there are plenty of guys out there
for you. I can understand you fell in love
with him because he was your first. I
guarantee you that if you gave somebody a
chance they can steal your heart in a much
different and more special way than the
way he got yours. Theres more to life than
that. Your still young you need to go out
there and discover what the meaning of
love really is. Dont feel bad about
yourself, you dont sound like a bad
person. So just move on and find some
lucky guy who will make you happy. Just
look back and think..this guy has made you
cut yourself and think about killing
yourself. Is that the kinda guy you
want...somebody who makes you wanna kill
yourself??? Listen honey its time to move
on now chin up and keep on
truckin. |
to me it seems like you are rubbing it in
her face,that you got sumbody and he loves
and cares for you.this is just me but i
dont thik she wants to hear about your
"good life",when she is trying to find her
own.you should be proud,make her feel even
wrose about herself!.
SEE NOW AIRYKA!! I dont know if thats your
name, but hes a good guy. Not
all guys are that bad...Im sure thiers
many boys out thier WHO R NICE!!! out
thier for you. Yu see Im 16 I just found
Im pregnant and my babys dad, hes going to
be thier for me and I know it, he may even
more excited about our baby than me if
that possable. Hes a good guy I was just
lucky enough for him to be my first Im
sorry you didnt have that same
expierence...I wish every girl
could. |
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w0esurrt
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 22
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Posted: 11-07-07 14:32pm
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aww, getting over a guy is the worst when
you keep thinking about them. But this
always helps me! i go out, buy something
that makes me happy, whether its a new
expensive purse or some new clothes.
anything that will make you feel sexy,
then i work out really hard and buy myself
some new make up and pretty much just make
myself over. then i feel 10times sexier
and i wonder what was i doing with him
anyway! Just do something that will make
you feel good about yourself. this will
also make other guys notice you and that's
always good for an ego boost. :] goodluck
girl. and whatever you do, cutting isn't
going to heal your pain, if anything it
will just leave the pain you were feeling
inside visible for all to see and you'll
always be reminded about this guy every
time you see it once you are feeling
better.
forget him! he's not worth damaging your
body! girls are supposed to be sexy and
always have the upper hand. if he can't be
with you for you, then it's his loss!
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littlemus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Southern California,
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Posted: 11-08-07 02:56am
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with my first boyfriend it was tough i had
been dating him for over a year and a half
when i realized i couldnt really stand
certain things about it and everytime i
was faced with those things it made me
angry, upset, annoyed, or moody so i broke
up with him. a while after that we got bac
together because we were always together
anyways so it was a "why not" thing. then
he broke up with me 2 days later... just
to break up with me. the things was i was
really upset at the break up both times, i
had become so emotionally attached to him
because we were always together and we
really cared about each other.
for a long time i just got angry or upset
with myself, he would come over and didnt
make it much better. i got very depressed
and emotional. i was really in need of
someone to be there for me and he was the
only person i could think of for that.
during that time i had been moving (i had
moved 4 or 5 times by then and i had only
started moving maybe 6 months earlier) and
i had switched schools 3 times.
eventually i sat myself down and said
"look hon your great and he was for a
while, but you need to go on, your really
strong you can do it you have your family
and friends to help you."
i guess my little pep talk worked. i guess
what helped me move pat him and stop
trying to win his affections back was i
found myself thinking logically again, i
remembered that we didnt really fit that
well as a couple during the last few
months and he really wasnt what i wanted
in a boyfriend anymore. and i found new
interests eventually and it took me a
while and a lot of dating to find someone
who really does share the same interests
as me. we are in a relationship that we
talk about because what we want from this
relationship changes as time adds up. and
we know what we really want to do in
life.
i guess my advise is to find out what you
really want in a boyfriend. make an honest
list of what type of a boyfriend you want.
really just start dating. maybe ask a guy
out. make sure you have confidence in
yourself. and breathe. just breathe calmly
and remember you have to do what is right
for you. destroying yourself over some guy
isn't healthy. do whats right for you
mentaly, physically, and emotionally.
and find an escape... like skating helps
to relax me. during the summer when im
stressed out i take out my roller blades
and skate for miles sometimes the 12
miles to the beach and then back. and in
the winter i put on my old ice skates and
do tricks on the rink. to remind me how
much fun living can be.
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