sorry if this post seems a little all over the place i wrote it fairly late last night and my mind felt pretty fried. im havin quite a hard time even remembering yesterday, and i want to clarify i did not take any drugs wat so ever. i was thinking it was a possible acid flashback or something (its been more then a year since i last tripped) but it was alot clearer and about 1000 times more intense then any time i ever took acid. i just remember it started with the writing on things changing to binary code or dna pattern make ups or something but they were all very harsh patterns (not that i could read these numbers so much as i could understand them) but they seemed very aggrivated or distressed. it wasnt unplesent but freaked me out a bit until the paranoia came and that really freaked me out. i also had some involuntary head movements and twitchs wenever id enter some rooms

I am schizotypal, I read alot of the memoirs of schizophrenics, and I can relate. And what you just wrote is very similar to a wonderful psychosis written by Daniel Schreber in the 1890's, in Germany. We can buy the book translated into english. It is said to have been studied again and again by psychiatrists over the whole 20th century, including Freud, Jung, etc. And he sounds just like you.

I have been reading it for the past - oh -since last Sunday - 10 days? - a few hours a day. And I have it bad.I am haunted. I will set it aside when I am finished learning what I can learn from Shreber, but in the meantime, I am living inside his psychosis. Which is why I recognized it in your letter.

Being only schizotypal, (like sz-lite, or optional sz) I have never really acheived what you and schreber have.

He imagined that he was changing into a woman, against his will, by aquiring "soul-vuluptuousness", and the "rays" from "God" would come down and get lost in his great soul-vuluptuousness. But God didn't want to get lost in Schreber, so he sent "interferences", to lower the soul-vuluptuousness, so the rays wouldn't be so attracted. These rays, then, worked "miracles" against him, which he called "interferences". Things like you mentioned, any noise, any screeching car, was "talking to him", it was the "rays" causing "interferences".

sounds like quite an interesting read, ill have to pick it up. i personally over the last few months have developed all kinds of strange ideas on the sun and the rest of the universe, only over the last week or so ive been going in and out of reality, basically just the usual paranoia but it seems so creative sometimes. some of my experiences are not bad at all except for the fact that im constantly thinking that someone is going to kill me or that im not goin to finish a task that i have been told to do. its really amazing to think what the human mind could be capable off if there wernt these intense bursts of paranoia, depression, anger, confusion in between me being able to break people down to the very code that makes there body up just with my thoughts. anyway the point im trying to make is that i believe the sun and planetary movement, galatic, and even the entire univeral system ties into every time i step out of my door. sometimes i think about galaxys never discovered and i can know the names, were they are, how to get there, what the planet is made off ect.

but im actually quite a forgetful person, and my memory gets worse as time goes by so there is no possible way i could know this accept maybe when im going in and out of psychosis.

I had an experience when the planetary movements were controlling the muscles on my forehead and I was frowning automatically because of this.

one reason I was reading Daniel Shreber's autobiography, "Memoir of my nervous illness", was that I had just completed my own. "Wagging my redshift tail - a memoir of schizotypal personality disorder". I didn't have it published or anything, but after reading Daniel Schreber's, maybe I can, though I have downloaded a few memoirs of schizophrenics for free off the web, so maybe that's how it's done now. It's about a meg, in pdf format, I'd be happy to email it or post it anywhere if asked.

In there, I explain that I have lots of astrophysics theories outside the scope of science, and because of that, which I think is creativity, I frighten the people around me, and lose alot in the human world. the big downside to the sz, I ithink, is the delsuions of power. My whole frontal lobes are wired for mind-to-mind combat. And all it takes is the slightest whiff of confrontation, and the sz snaps into action, I get wildly delusional about how to battle, militarily, all-out war for basically no reason.

After Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold blew up their school, the grandfather or uncle of one of them had a quote, for and answer to 'were there any warning signs?', and I memorized the quote, 'cause it's a good explanation for this feature of sz:

"idle threats of physical violence and property damange, and overreaction to minor events".

That's the part I try to tone down. How? Each week, I have a different answer. Today: by activating the feminine parts of my own genome, to simulate the effect of having a wife, to calm me down. Cutting out the caffeine. Trying to force myself to sleep, without any sleep-aid like thera flu or nyquil, 'cause that stuff's no good for me.

-onderdonk

You should know that if you put it on the web nobody will subsequently publish it in print. You have to choose.

can you explain this a little more please? im interested in hearing more about it

I don't understand it, but since my "illness" I have some force moving my facial muscles. Sometimes it's the devil, sometimes something else which I don't understand. One day it started happening again and it became clear to me that it was the planetary motions that were connected to my forehead motions. I don't have that feeling anymore, but my forehead still frowns sometimes, as if it was imbued with some kind of intelligence. I can't explain anymore, I don't understand it.

is it an unplesent feeling or confusing or what? sorry if my questions seem intrusive just wondering

Actually it's a pleasant feeling but confusing because I don't know what it means.

yes thats what i get! most of the time these strange experiences are pretty enjoyable but then i start to panic that i cant trust my own mind any more and things like that. the paranoia is the only real problem like ill start freaking out about something ive done (that wasnt even illegal, or past drug possesions things of that sort) then believe the governent have bugged my house the usually after about half an hour of scrambling around i realise that its just me being paranoid, which is what makes me think my illness might still be in the early stages as i have been to the doctor but still have not been diagnosed, there watchin how my symptoms are over the next couple of months.