Hi everyone,

I am a veteran of panic disorder and I'm here to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. I understand EXACTLY what you're going through. I am 36 now and I had my first panic attack (I remember it vividly) when I was 24. Subsequently I developed full blown Panic Disorder with daily attacks, which led to agoraphobic tendencies as well (not leaving my house for fear of having more attacks). I will get to my advice a little later in this post but for now, I live in Toronto, Canada and luckily we have an excellent health care system so I was diagnosed pretty quickly by a psychiatrist after an in-depth examination including heart monitoring and other heavy duty stuff, they told me that physically I was in excellent shape. So how could it feel like I was having a heart attack just the day before?? I know your symptoms, folks. Dizziness, shortness of breath, intense feelings of you're-going-to-die, faintness, the need to flee, complete and utter devastation as though you're going bloody insane. It's awful. No human should have to live with this.

Unfortunately, many of us do. And I believe there are underlying reasons for those of us that do. During my research into panic attacks I found that 75% of sufferers are female (I am a male), 85% have a history of substance abuse (alchol, cocaine, LSD etc..) and 85% were insecure as children and products of separated parents. I, myself, fall into these categories. Even though I was an extremely popular, handsome youth I was always hyper self-conscious, and I partied way too much. Hung out with the bad crowd, lived my life for the attention of the hottest women etc.....I drank, I experimented with Mushrooms and Acid, even managed a coke habit for 2 winters! It was one morning after a binge of coke that I woke up, turned on my television (feeling fine) when it hit me like a hurricane. On my knees, praying to any powers that be to not die, I experienced the first (and often the worst) panic attack. I called my mother, told her I was dying. She came to get me, we went to Emerg and there I began to relax again and the doctors told me I was perfectly fine and referred me to a shrink. The shrink diagnosed me wth Panic Disorder after several more atacks occured and prescribed Prozac along with Clonazepam. Now, let me start with Prozac and all the other anti-depressant drugs docs like to prescribe for this. Although they do help in some ways, they have awful side effects (strange feelings, sexual dysfunction, tighness in the jaw, inexplicable goosebumpy feelings and generaly unpleasant experiences). Sleep is inconsistent, dreams are like movies and basically you become a bit of a zombie because you feel little emotions. So when my grandfather died and I felt numb to it, I realized I was a product of a pharmaceutical high.

I told my doctor I no longer wanted SSRI's (Selective Seratonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors), which are anti-depressants). Just think of the name. These drugs affect chemicals in your brain. Not good. And even though I permamently gave up any all recreational drugs I still like to drink occasionally and it really was not compatible with these drugs. She gave me Alprazolam (Xanax) in 0.5 mg tablets.

This is when my world started to change for the better. Xanax is a tranquilizer (similar to Valium). It relaxes the Central Nervous System so that your breathing is controlled and it calms you down. It, for me, was the miracle drug, and continues to be to this day. Whereas at one point I could not even leave my home to go for a walk, let alone a subway or God frobid a PLANE! I slowly started to get out and explore my city again, knowing I had a poerwful panic combatant resting in my pocket. This worked. I re-integrated myself into society. It was not immediate. There were setbacks. I still got attacks in various places but my goal was to defeat my fear by placing myself in the very situations that made me shudder. Places in crowds were the worst. Subways, classrooms in my university, and places I could not leave without being noticed were my nemeses. Granted, Xanax could not cure the worst of these scenarios but it helped greatly in being able to face them. Eventually I took a flight to Cuba with the help of my father (I refused to go on my own). It was a little rough. I felt the anxiety days before the flight. I upped my dosage of Xanax in retaliation. On the day of the flight I took 4 pills and was quite comfortable right up until take off. then I got a little clammy and scared, but I MANAGED it. And then, I had some wine and beer to completely put me at tease. The strangest thing about panic attacks is the precipatory anxiety. It's the fear of fear that causes it. And I can tell you now that even though drinking alcohol will temporarily kill a panic attack, it makes it MUCH worse the next day. Being hung over is the worst for panic attacks and many people I know who have them end up in hospitals the next day after a binge (including myself until I found the xanax).

Ultimately, there is no cure for Panic Disorder. The best treatment I found was having one xanax in the morning and a few pills in my pocket just in case. Just knowing they're there is comfort enough, so I never abuse the prescription (like so many Hollywood stars are notorious for). Knowledge is the second most vital tool. It is essential to arm yourself with info on the condition from credible sources (especially people who have been through it). How can a doctor know what you're feeling if they've never experienced it? Research, research, research. You are your own person and you must find out what is going on in your body for yourself. The cause of panic attacks is that your parasympathetic system (your natural instinct to fight or flee) kicks into overdrive for no apparent reason. The same feeling you would get if you were stranded inthe middle of the ocean being circled by sharks just happens to you walking down a completely safe city street. It's screwed up. But it's real. And I believe it's an accumulated effect of insecurity as a child, substance abuse, and a generally sensitive nature.

It will probably never leave completely, but after 12 years of living with this I can now function normally in nearly all aspects of my life. I can even fly regularly!

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to write me. I don't want anyone to suffer from this as much as I have.

Paul