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Need Help Dealing With Bipolar Mother (Page 1)

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Hello,

My mother is 50 years old, diagnosed bipolar. I am twenty years old. She is very well educated, but has suffered severe depression for the last 10 years and seems to be turning into a mental vegetable. I am worried for her. I try to encourage her, but her psychological depression is all to familiar and evokes in me the very things I have worked so hard to move past. That is the pessimism, drowning in sadness, refusing to set goals or socialize. These are the same demons I wrestle with, yet she is 50 years old and still has not made any progress. I often feel that by communicating with her it is sucking me back in.

She claims to have stopped drinking, yet she still obviously drinks. She speaks as though she were mentally retarted, and praises me manically; also spends a lot of time talking about how awful her past was. I tell her to move past it all and to look forward, but I raise my voice and get frustrated as she reveals that nothing I tell her is getting through.

It's a tempting idea to abandon the relationship.. I act like the parent while she praises me for my knowledge and wisdom. I don't want to be wise and knowledgable! I'm not! I'm just in college trying to get by and don't know how to deal with this person that calls herself "mom". I do love her, but the moodswings are painful and the depression is unbearable. What have you done in the past to make bipolar relationships work? Can anyone help me work through this problem with my mother?
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First Helper User Profile JordanJones5
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Users who thank undertheradar for this post: debbiej01  legally903 

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replied September 4th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
My goodness, I am so sorry to read all this. How tough it must be.

I would recommend you reading some books by Alice Miller. She is a psychologist who writes about relationships with parents with a focus on abuse issues.

It may not seem abusive because it isn't intentional, but the way your mother is treating you and forcing you to act the adult is abusive regardless.

I empathize with you; my mother would try to suck me into her world like yours, and I couldn't stand it. Sometimes I would ask myself, "If I just knew her as a person, not as my mother, would I put up with her behavior?"

No way.

But then she is your mother...

It's hard.

I hope you do some reading, and perhaps get some counseling. I know on most college campuses they offer free mental health assistance.

Best wishes!
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replied July 27th, 2011
Reading this posts, I , like many of you, revisited almost my entire life, marked by all kinds of mental and emotional abuse. My mother has been diagnosed bipolar since I was 7. I was the older daughter of 3 and got it at it worse. Recently, I had been diagnosed and treated for pos-traumatic disorder due to a childwood of negligency and abuse. Guilt, fear, anxiety, high stress levels walked by my side for years. I can not even list everything I went through with my mother in here. My mums life wants angry and problems absorved everything around her, including me. In this context for a long time I didn~t developed a sense of individuality. I had no love, purpose or even interest for my own life even because my own life didn~t exist, at its best it could be called a shadow of life. I was just there, carrying on and surviving as best as I could, searching for light in a very deep hole. When I was 23, I went to England to study English and I was in total dispear at the time to go back to Brazil. For the first time ever, I had a life, my life, not my mother´s illness life. So, 3 months later, I went back to England again, and even living so far from her, my mother managed to give me hell by phone for approx.5 yrs. The funny thing is that even when you get away from them all the guilty, anxiety, streess they fed on you still take over, the only difference is that you start to have a life of your own. And this helps you to put things into perspective and realize, that differently of what they always told you, their life and their problems are not the must important thing in the world. And than, you suddenly start to realize, you are important, that you must take care of you. Than, the question pursued you your entire life~ how would my mom being if she was not sick... changes to~ who could I be if I didn~t need to spent so much energy with my moms illness. And the guilt start to lessen because suddely you realize you are also a victim and that you must protect yourself as much as you must protect your mother. You start to realize that at times you will need to put a limit at the power she has over you.
Now I am able to breath I feel I can help more. I try not give up to her manipulations showing to her that I do what I can and I have no guilty. I give emotional support to my young brother and sister. I pay for her meds but do not give money straight into her hands. She haven~t got my mobile number and I have a rule, I call her once a week and if she abuses me I turn the phone down and keep few weeks without calling. I do not answer the house number when she calls, as I said I keep contact once a week and I know my brother and sister will call me if something really important happen. I calmaly correct her everytime she try to blame me about something and refuse to here her rants. Today, she rang me at home 3 times, I was at home, but didn~t answer, instead, I called my sister to ask if everything was well, as it was. I know I have to keep the rules straight if I want some peace. It is sad, but at the end of the day, I do not have a normal mother and therefore I need special arrangements to look after while protecting myself from her.

My best wishes for all of you and I think the earlier suggestions are the same I have to give - get professional help to yourself (counselling), protect the right to have your own life(trust me, I know how difficult it is), retaliate bad behaviour towards you or your loved ones (in the way we do with a child, we tell them what we will do, why we will do it and we do it as we told, if you can not tell it at the time, apply the retaliation - usually taking from them attention- than talk later explaining what you did why and the consequences of repeated behaviour, as a child she will try to push the bounders until she see she simply can~t), disconnect from the mothering dream (you will never have a mother who behaves like one), remember that you are not totally responsable for your mother (you are not her parent), learn about child emotional abuse it will lessen your guilt, be aware that your mother illness is for life, do not take too much notice of what other people think about your relationship with her or you as a person (she will use it against you).

Be strong, consistent, racional and, overall, love believe and trust yourself.
Lots of love
Patricia
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Users who thank costap for this post: paigeamiss  beauty48  daughterdealing  LondonLady1954 

replied March 8th, 2009
bipolar mothers...
i have the same problem with my mother, only i am younger. and i dont even live with her and she drives me crazy. i spend my days at school worrying about her. shes alone in the city spending every last penny of her money. and yeah i also have that praising problem. and she rants too, about pointless things that no one would find useful or interesting. and after speaking to her i always wonder what life would be like if she werent mentally ill, and im not going to ie, at times i do have thoughts of abandoning our relationship. but i cannot do that. im the only one in the world that really cares about her and thats what scares me. so yeah, my advice just hang in there, because if your mom ever did anything to herself because she was so depressed that u werent talking to her, you would feel eternally guilty. so im telling you, just listen to her ranting and praising because not listening to her can result in something so much worse than frustration
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replied March 30th, 2009
Be your own person.
I am 48 years old and was an only child of a bipolar mother and alcoholic father. Don't sit around worrying about your mom, get out there and make your own life. I married, had 3 beautiful kids, became a teacher, and became what society never thought I could become. I overcame my background. I said I wasn't going to be like them and I am not. I still love them (Dad died a few years ago and he lived with me in the end) but I don't let their problems bring my life down. I'm there if they need me but I don't put my life on hold. I have always been the parent in our relationship but that just made me a better person. It's all in how you look at it and deal with it. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.
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replied June 23rd, 2009
I know exactly what you mean. I have a mom thats bipolar. She has bouts of depression and moodiness. She never praises us though, just more or less puts us down and complains that we never listen, even though all she does is talk constantly. My sisters and I are the parents and I have wanted to disconnect from her for a long time. Her life feels so toxic to mine. But same as you, Im worried she would hurt herself if we abandoned her. Plus she spends all her money on pointless things. So we are stuck mostly because we would feel guilty if anything happened and also because we feel obligated to try to help her emotionally. She is only 55 but she acts like her life is over....and sometimes it feels like she is dragging us with her. I have been told that it is helpful for family members to also seek counseling for this and I think I am going to. Her anger has pushed us past the point of frustration. I cant imagine she has had a positive effect on my life. I dont want her negativity to destroy the way I am in relationships.
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replied June 26th, 2009
I have the same problem, but is a bit more terrible because she is also has hyperthyroidism. I interned her at the psychic ward on early June, now she is out and doesn't want to speak to me, she blames me for everything and tells me that she is no bipolar, that she has only a thyroid problem. I am now trying to be away from her, I was getting sick myself...every time she sees me she starts ranting and she even said she wish for me to die...how charming. But other people like his brothers and her friends start telling me that I should be there for her all the time, even if she insults me...but I really reached my limit, I just don't want to anymore. Yes I know I might regret it if she dies soon, but I need my sanity Sad
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Users who thank goro_fugita for this post: LondonLady1954 

replied June 27th, 2009
I know. I dont understand how to just let her insult me and put up with it. I would rather her get help instead of me having to handle her with kid gloves and take her criticism. I also understand how if she were to hurt herself, though it would be devistating, I feel like it would be just as another way she would try to make her unrational points and anger and upset us. She would undoubtedly try to blame us for it by saying we arent there for her..even though all we do is try to help her. And I know the rates of suicide are high when bipolar people are not treated. As far as I know, she is not seeing a therapist, or on any antidepressives, etc. When we discussed this, she too was in denial about her condition. How can you get someone to seek treatment? I want to tell her if she doesnt get help, I cant be aound her anymore...but I think she would just go deeper into this angry state. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get through to someone like this? PS: we've tried the..."mom. i love you. I want you to be happy. I need you to get help." ....she responded by saying "people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones"....and hasnt spoken to me since.
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replied June 27th, 2009
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We love our mothers unconditionally but unfortunately we can't change them or take away their illness. I suggest finding a local support group for children or family members of someone with bipolar disorder. Seeking the help of a therapist who will help you deal with your mother without allowing her to destroy your life is essential.
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replied October 12th, 2009
My mom is not the easiest person to deal with by any means. She rants and raves and you can never tell what shes going to do next. One day she will be SO unbelievably happy and the next she will tell you that she doesn't want you around and that She'd rather you we're dead. She doesn't want to fully accept that she has children and doesn't know how to manage a normal life. At this point in my life I want to abandon all contact with her because she is dragging me down, and she likes it. I want to live a normal healthy life, for once.
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replied November 9th, 2009
Bipolar disorder
I do not know what exactly is my mom's sickness but I can relate it closely to bipolar disorder.She rants almost for the whole day if she starts ranting and screaming and repeating the same things over and over again...only complaining at all times.I do agree dad hasn't been the best but she makes small mistakes look like huge and waits for a chance to start abusing and even uses very hurting words and remarks which make me extremely negative, depressed and feel suicidal.i cannot ever think of asking her to seek any medical help as that will give her an opportunity to get back to me for being bad to her for the next few weeks. please help me in dealing with her, i am about to be married and this is affecting my relation with my boyfriend and i have started getting hyper in our relation also.Please help.
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replied November 21st, 2009
I am in the same situation with my mother who also denies she has anything wrong with her and is on a billion different types of medication and makes them sound ok because they are perscribed, I am about to travel half way around the world to see her in 6 days and she has decided now that since she has had an argument with my brother she wants no more to do with me either? I live in the USA and she lives in spam unapproved and i have called her every day on the phone for 7 years so she isnt alone, im always the one to make her happy bending over backwards for her listening to her trash my father for years, although he isnt a perfect person he has been the stability in our lives. I am 30 years old married with 3 children and from a distance she runs my life, if she calls and im not here she leaves abusive messages on my answering machine and she has tried several times to kill herself, i cant live like this anymore she knows that her guilt is killing me, I have even started loosing hair from stress. She wont ever admit that she is bipolar or has any problems at all, everything is always our fault, my dad, brother or me. She blames us for her whole entire life and says she wishes she was never born in turn wishing that we didnt exist, she hurts me every day. I almost feel like not going on the trip but my tickets are non refundable and there are other people who want to see me. My mother also had hypo thyroid but now thats been removed, at my wits end here and tired of being a door mat.
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replied November 11th, 2011
Hello,

I know its been years since you've posted, but I was wondering...
How did your mothers hypothyroidism play out through her bipolar disorder?

I know that question may sound confusing. But my mother has been on for years advocating/researching for HypoT, and not just claiming, but demanding that once she is diagnosed she will be cured from all her current maladies (foggy memory, bursts of anger, bursts of love, weight gain, narcotic use, although she never directly lists these)...like its going to just all vanish. Well, then she was diagnosed and treated, but she has not changed (and blames doctor incompetence) and now says that she is certain the hypoT was just a symptom of a brain tumor shes sure she has... Hypochondriac? Possibly...

I guess I'm not too sure of what I'm asking, but maybe just a few examples of any changes after her treatment, or have you heard about any other individuals with bipolar disorder and HypoT?

Thank you,
Alyssa
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replied November 28th, 2011
Bipolar/Hypothyroid
The medications used to treat bi polar disorder actually cause Hypothyroid.
My mom is bi polar and she just recently discovered her thyroid problem.
She has taken at least 60 different meds for depression, anxiety, bi polar, etc over the years.
prozac, xanax, zoloft, clonzapam, geodon, lithium, everything, you name it she's taken it.

Right now she takes around 8 or so different meds. I do think she's rotting her brain, her body, and unfortunately she gets worse with age. She is now 53 and has been ill since I was about 8 years old.

Unfortunately she can no longer hold a job because of her illness and lives at home
I live at home with her and my patience has worn thin. I am a college student (broke, & paying for school with loans), and I need to live at home for a few more years, but would prefer to live at home after I get my masters degree to then get a job, but I don't know if it's possible for the sake of my health.

My mother is literally Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.
I could go into details, but a lot of you guys summed it up for me already, and other things I just don't want to say because they hurt me so much. The worst part of this thing is really just the emotional toll it takes on everyone.
I live with an emotional abuser. Belittling, and guilt tripping happens on the daily, the degrees of severity vary, but when she's riled up, it's bad... and I cry a LOT. I can't sleepm, my body aches and I feel so empty.

I know by now I should really understand it, but I don't and every time she loses her temper I can't ignore her no matter how much I want to. I hear every little thing she says, every negative comment, degrading thing, and I hurt.

I love my mom, I really do, but it seems like no medication can cure her of this disease,
and I'm afraid for mine and my father's health (he is a decade older than her and with his own physical health problems )
I also fear having a child one day, not because of fear that they should have a disorder, but for fear of how she'll act around that child, or me.

Also, I'm afraid of losing a good relationship or being judged because of her health, it does effect my relationships in some way, stress on boyfriends/friends from negative situations, fear, anger, because I have those emotions too. It also doesn't make any of my friends want to be close to her or come over to my house or anything. I want to be married some day with a husband and a child without this problem. I want my grandparents to stop feeling guilty for her problems.

I want a happy relationship with my mom, and one that lasts more than a few days.
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replied August 14th, 2013
Hello

Reading this you are ME 21 years ago!

The parallels are extraordinary. The words you use to describe your situation and the actions of your mother identical to mine yesterday when I presented the doctor with a written list of all the "symptoms" causes and effects of our case.

I am an only son and my mother has suffered from bipolar since my first memories - and we have only finally come to a proper diagnosis yesterday.

Unfortunately, hard as this sounds, for your own sake and to save yourself another 20 years wasted life you have to disassociate yourself from the feelings of guilt and anger.

The reality (in my case now) is that mother, having refused treatment, denied her condition, and put everyone around her through utter hell for the last 50 years (she's 81 now) is beyond "repair". Should she accept treatment, which I'm still convinced she won't, her condition could be controlled to the extent that she gives those around her a slightly easier time.

Nobody who knows anything about you and your situation will judge YOU, you are not responsible for your mothers condition and yet feel yourself in the position of being the adult / parent here.

I married 12 years ago - and for EXACTLY the same reason have chosen not to have children - which, later in life, I'm sure will leave a huge void. For you it is not too late to take action to save your own life from the waste that mine was.

Love your parents, grandparents yes, one day (soon I would wish for you) your husband and children too. But first of all you have to work through the feeling of responsibility (and with it guilt) towards all of the people affected by your mother's condition - if necessary swallowing your pride and seeking professional help - not for her, but for you.

Above everything, sadly, you have to come to the realistic realization that with a bipolar mother you can never have a good and permanently lasting relationship. Sadly I chased that dream for all too long.

Once this reality has been faced, and in a sense you have to take a step away from any recognised child / parent relationship, can you build proper relationships with others.

It isn't easy, but it is doable.
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Users who thank CalicoJoe for this post: LondonLady1954 

replied November 28th, 2011
The medications used to treat bi polar disorder actually cause Hypothyroid
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replied November 21st, 2009
I have found a new way to deal with my mother in the last few days which seems to be working wonders...I have told her that I suspect Dad is Bipolar(anything negative about him or us she readily agrees to)so I asked her to read more about this topic,have given her resources like books and articles to read.She is behaving different and less hyper than usual ever since.Hopefully she is realising slowly that most of the symptoms is similar to her own.I am planning to suggest her to see a counsellor to be able to deal with Dad.Hope for the best,will keep you all updated.
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replied May 16th, 2011
Suggesting that the non-BP father is BP, DO NOT GO LOOPY
Good God! Do not do this. Loopy Loops & pretzel logic. You are being sucked in completely. What you are doing is empowering a mentally ill person to start analyzing & diagnosing all the people around her. Everyone else will be wrong & her borderline traits will now have ammunition to actually destroy all peripheral bystanders. This is a recipe for disaster.

My ex-wife is bipolar & abusive. She now has the children & has taken them down the toilet. The bipolar mother in law now lives with her. That woman sold off all of her husband's property & isolated him in a "home". I am a computer engineer, the father in law was a doctor. WHAT YOU PROPOSE IS THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD THAT YOU SHOULD DO.

You should not give a crazy the keys to the asylum. They will go beyond demanding co-dependence, they will destroy everyone around them including you.
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replied June 6th, 2011
Me too
I agree with your comments, RobertToronto. It is so difficult to deal with one mess, nevermind dealing with a mess on top of someone who thinks she is in her right mind. I, too, have a mother with bipolar disorder and I have recently cut all ties. All of my life she has been very neglectful and everyone has gone along with her craziness just to shut her up and not have her rant. It has become unbearable and unhealthy. Everyday I hope I am making the right decision for my 9-year-old daughter and me. I can't take the unstable environment any more. I just want a quiet life. No more drama! The question is: will my daughter be resentful later on in her life? I guess it is the chance I have to take. I feel for everyone with a mother who suffers from bipolar.
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replied November 26th, 2009
family members dealing with bipolar
I have been aware of my bipolar disorder for 3 years now.
It was not an easy ride.
I have to say that people in my family trying to help me didn't work at all.
Only by feeling the consequences of following a manic mind til rock bottom was i then able to accept that maybe something in me was the problem. My brain chemistry.
Currently, my sister--a mother of 3--is manic. For an entire year. Her kids are exhausted from it too. They live only with their dad now. Some of the kids go to counselling. An effective tool to help the kids feel like they can still be kids is to NOT pass the phone to a child when their mother calls, but rather say, "I'll take a message for him/her." The kids need safe places to play, be kids and not have this dark cloud of "will my mom call to ramble and giggle and rage at me while i'm here?" My whole family does this telephone thing passed on by the kids counsellor.
i myself choose not to enable my sister to stay in manic high forever. Don't give her rides, pay her bills or any such consequence of wanting to live in her alternate universe of the manic mind.
i feel sad about her state of life, health, mind, lack of mothering capabilities due to self-involed-mania, but i don't feel guilty as much anymore. I didn't create her problem and i'm not enabling her to lengthen her manic period. I want her back. I'm fighting to have her back by letting her feel the consequences of mania, "good", bad and definitely ugly. But some family members do enable. We're all on different pages of the bipolar-awareness book, and yes, this sucks.
There's always some sadness to every bipolar situation.
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replied February 26th, 2012
I find it incredible that you seem to have your disorder under control in 3 years, or at least think you do.

We've been riding this storm for 20 years with my mother and she cannot acknowledge AT ALL any responsibility for her own behavior or life. She is a victim of everyone else and we are all horrible unless of course that day we are wonderful, in which case we can't possibly live up to the expectations she holds in her mind.

Its more than "sadness". Its threats of suicide used as emotional manipulation. Its ruining the biggest, most important family memories to throw a self centered, melodramatic hissy fit. Its drinking and taking drugs and abusing her body until you try to tell her how worried you are and then getting lashed out at for this display of love. Its being in trouble for not calling enough or calling too much or calls that aren't long enough (because you are avoiding a fight) or having anything else in your life you might need to do.

It was growing up in ragged clothing because we were so poor and being screamed at for dropping a bottle of vodka int he driveway and being called a slut and a !**@! during puberty because you were growing up, but then randomly for no reason spending insane amount of money on ridiculous parties and things we didn't need. It was smashing family heirlooms and slamming coffee cups into the porcelain sink and dragging kids up the stairs by their hair.

It was never showing up to a school event or any other promised occasion, leaving restaurants for no reason before the food was served because we embarrassed her too much. It was a house that was unbearably filthy that no one could ever come visit us. And yet at the same time, it was being overbearingly involved in our lives, never allowing us to go on school trips, becoming obsessed with religion and volunteer commitments. It was calling our boyfriends behind our backs and interfering in our relationships.

It was spending not just hours or days in bed but weeks in bed with 'pneumonia' that we only realized later was a hangover. Getting drunk at family events. Taking up smoking in her 50s not because she wanted a cigarette but to destroy the interior of our home before the divorce sale to screw my dad over financially. And to destroy her own body.

It was wild weight swings accompanied by bizarre family meals, and that was when she bothered to prepare food for us. It was making us feel guilty about our bodies and promoting eating disorders by alternately criticizing weight gain and associating family food binges with love.

And these are just few examples off the top of my head of the absolutely crazy horrible things we have had to go through. I basically lost a job over her supposed attempt to stop drinking - she quit rehab just after we all re-arranged our work lives to be able to make it down for the family weekend to support her. She has totally warped the way I relate to my partner and it is only through a lot of therapy and really hard work (and love) that we are able to get through that scar. I have every advantage on paper you could want, am a super-high achiever and yet this part of my life will always be a stumbling block that holds me back.

So respectfully I'd have to say "sad" doesn't cover it. If you are in touch with reality, I'm glad for your family. Because my mother barely is and that's not sad. Its destructive and tragic.
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replied December 4th, 2009
I also have a similar situation with my mom. She is driving me crazy.. I live 3 hours from my mom and last time I went to visit her was just a nigthmare.. he scream all the time, blame to me for everything.. talking with friends that I hit her and all kinds of lies. I was so scared that I called her doctor and it was so much worse.. she starts saying I was going to get her to a medical institution. I prefer to get back .. far away from her and then she just stop to answer the phone to everybody.. Some days ago she called me and was pretty normal.. just talking like nothing happend.. i just preffered to do not mention any of the past situations... and was all ok for 3 days.. than yesterday she got angry again.. and it is a telephone relationship.. imagine in person.. Im feeling very bad with anxiety because I dont know how is she.. and I think she is getting worse because now my grandmother told me that a neighbor of my mom told her that my mom says she was planning to poison me when I will go to visit her.. I just feel very bad... I do not feel guilty because Im being for her when she needs me.. but I m not sure it is just the bipolar problem or is also she is a bad person.. I have a bipolar friend also and is not with that kind of thinkings..
I have a 3 years relationship and I want to marry soon.. but sometimes I feel so tired to handle this problem with my mom. I read that some of you that have bipolar moms decided to have child and are happy (cyn0508 and tiredandworn) and I would like to know if you weren���´t afraid that your child will have the same illness.. Im personally considering because Im so tired of nightmares in my life.. and I dont know the experience of persons in my situation.. please I would appreciate you let me know how has been your experience..
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replied December 7th, 2009
My mother is also bipolar, but I'm only 14.
Since before I can remember, she's been breaking into constant episodes--extremely unstable. It's been getting worse lately...she's started drinking, and my father, sister, and I have to calm her down when she gets upset and tries to run away (which is about once a week). Even worse, my sister has given up on her and my dad has decided that I'm the best at calming her down, so it's usually up to me to stand there and listen to her trash our family and blame all of her problems on us. She's attempted suicide a few times, but of course everyone forgets about it the minute she comes home.
It's a really difficult situation...I guess that the reason we hang on to these parasitic relationships is because of what they COULD have been. They could have been the type of mothers that came to watch your soccer games, and asked you about your day when you came home from school, and gone to PTA meetings. But, the sad truth is, you can't change someone. They are who they are.
So, I guess the answer to your question is that there IS no answer. I'm not saying that you should cut your mother from your life. But you have to accept her for who she is, and just try to make her a little bit happier. Don't try to change her into a real mother.

I hope I helped--best wishes.
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replied March 4th, 2010
I just wanted to leave a message for each of you that have posted and are going through hard times. My mom is bipolar too, and I had to move out 4 years ago and she hasn't spoken to me since. My heart breaks for you all and the emotion is overwhelming. My life growing up was everything you have all mentioned and a lot more. I'm almost 30 now and I haven't ever completely recovered from it. My saving grace is God, whom has helped me more than any person could.

I just want to say you are all in my prayers and I understand and care, and I love each one of you. Many blessings and peace <3
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replied April 26th, 2011
I am feeling everybody pain. Who really suffering a bipolar person or people around. My 50% time goes to figure out how to handle the tomorrow and .....Everyday is surprise and something knew. Let's I tell you if you lost in ocean it is very hard to survive. Listen how much you can and no argument with bipolar. Let professional deal with them. I always praise the people who care of them and never get thanks. When I confused do payer for 10 minutes and leave to God.
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replied May 16th, 2011
Brainstew77,
I just want to say thank you for your well meaning post. I am new to this site and I have recently stopped talking with my mother who has BP. I love her so much and it has been hard for me not to be depressed over our fallout. Your post gives me hope not that my mother will miraculously accept that she has a disorder and will get help but hope that I'm not the only one going through this and life will go on. I'm 23 and first child to move out of the house and although I love being on my own my mother hates it. She's a very controlling person. She causes me a lot of anxiety and deciding to let go of our relationship has made it worse. But its nice to know someone understands what I'm going through and although its tough life will provide. Thank you.
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replied March 15th, 2010
Im so glad i read these, i thought my mum was the only one!
My brothers and I think she is Bipolar. She has also been diagnosed with this nerve/thyroid problem, this seems to be common with bipolar?

She is always arguing with us, and telling us how awful we are and how she wished she never had us. She frequently threw us out of the house, and leaves abusive texts, voice-mails and emails.

She tried to kill herself once, and blamed us for it. and she regularly threatens to do it again.

We want to get her help but she doesnt think there is a problem. I dont know what to do, i have recently cut all communication with her but at the end of the day she is my mother and i want to see her get help. But how can we help her if shes in denial???
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replied April 10th, 2010
Bipolar
Wow. These posts go along with how I''m feeling tonight so perfectly. My mom is bipolar. For a long time I''ve struggled with is she really sick or an attention seeking *****? I know that sounds hard but even when she is on meds she''s sad or obsessed with her life. She hates my husband and has tried everything to ruin my marriage. When I take up for my husband, she tells everyone in her family how he controls me and our child. She has tried to throw me out of her vehicle before for telling her she needs help. My father and I finally admitted her a few years ago when stuff started talking to her. Our relationship is awful because I refuse to enable her. It has gotten to the point that I can''t stand being around her or talking to her. Some of y''alls posts about feeling like it sucks you in sounds like how I feel. When she touches me, I cringe because, well, I don''t know. She lies, she praises to your face and dogs you to your back, she is obsessed with her childhood. I wish I could be cold and cut her off. I have learned not to expect anything but hurt from her, but I can''t ever get rid of the awful guilt I feel for having these feelings about my own mother.

On another note, an earlier post asked about having children. I have a son and another on the way in a few days. I am an awesome mother, have a wonderful relationship with my son, and my self respect I have gained from being a good mother and having a loving normal relationship with my child has helped me with some of my personal fears I know we all have about any possible mental issues or being damaged. In his own way, my son has allowed me to relive some of my childhood and remember some of the good times with my mother from many years ago. Now, I''m just ready to have another.
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Users who thank Rejoice for this post: Cocob  LondonLady1954 

replied April 19th, 2010
hey im 15 and im trying to get pregnant,, but im worried because i dont want my kid to have the dissorder i have since iv been diginosed with bipolar dissorder since i was little. and i dont wwant my kid or kids to feel as if they have a messed up mother or anything because im bipolar. if you could please help me on deciding on how to maybe control myself as a mother kinda a "helpful tips guide" or something.

also to the person who started this fourm well i can tell you from a bipolar point of view,, for me when i have a high mood i love to argue,, DONT DO IT,, tell your mother simply you love her and for her to come tlk to you not you cave in and you go tlk to her,, iv relized that being bipolar that when i get ignored it makes me relize im hurting my loved ones and it always makes me strive to win the small battles i fight with myself over to know im in it for my loved ones. even though i dont show it my parents will catch me on a good day and i know it makes them so happy to see that im working on it. spend more time with her. if she refuses it then go but ALWAYS come back..

i have no idea if i was any help but if i was im glads to help Smile
and if anyone has any help for me please feel free to post!!
thanks
bbk
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replied April 26th, 2011
Thanks. Excelent comments. I will use it. I usually listen a lot when she argue and never say a ward. After a day or two when she is in good mood I give a hug and few comments. No more than two comments at a time. It is hartbreacking when she is suffering. Two different personality. Very loving daughter hope she recover fully.
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replied April 20th, 2010
Bipolar parent
Hi everyone,

I am amazed that reading some of these messages sound like you are talking about my mother.

I am in my early thirties and am married with two beautiful children. I, like some of you, was worried about having children because of my mother''s bipolar illness. I finally decided that the joy of having children is worth risking dealing with a mental health issue with them down the road. My siblings and I none exhibit signs of bipolar (my one sibling does a bit, but not nearly to the extreme that my mother does) and I think we are almost overly sensitive to exhibiting any signs of bipolar in ourselves.

We have dealt with my mother''s bipolar mood swings since I was seven years old (so for almost thirty years). My mother actually went to prison because of her disease. To this day, she will still go into rages, accuse of all of horrible things, disown us, her parents, and everyone else, and then come back weeks or months later apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

At what point do you decide that enough is enough, though? A lot of us seem to be struggling with this question and for me the answer became clear recently.

My mother, in one of her manic rages, starting making things up: calling herself a doctor, saying one of my siblings was getting married (they are not) and accusing me of using her credit card without permission (she actually told me to purchase a present for my daughter with her card because she didn''t know where to do it). She threatened to report all of us to the police for taking a child''s wagon out of her garage when she had put it with our possessions that she had told us she was throwing away if we didn''t come and get them.

At the point where she began threatening to call the police on us when she was the one who was clearly losing touch with reality, I decided that a person who has been dealing with bipolar for so long (she has been treated for at least 13 years for this) and who would dare threaten to make up crimes about her children is not a person I wish to poison my life with anymore.

I stood by my mother when she tried to kill herself, when she went to prison, and when she divorced my father, twice. I''ve decided that the stress that she causes me and the hurt that she subjects us all to is not worth it anymore. I don''t want my children to be hurt by her like my siblings and I have been hurt. It''s sad, because it feels like she''s died. But at some point, it has to come down to quality of life, and such a repeated toxic presence in my life has caused me more pain than I can bear anymore, so I''ve made the very hard decision to let her go.

I feel for all of us. No decision we make is the perfect one. I think it all comes down to what decisions we can all live with and how we can create the best lives for ourselves in spite of our sick parents, not because of them. Best of luck to all of you as you continue to deal with such a horrible illness in your family.
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replied December 3rd, 2011
bi-polar mom
At any point did your mom keep your kids. I am struggling with that now because she keeps my daughter while I work and I am now thinking about quiting my job to stay home with my daughter.
My mom was very abusive to me as a child/teenager/young adult. I am scared that she will soon turn on my daughter.
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replied December 3rd, 2011
bi-polar mom
At any point did your mom keep your kids. I am struggling with that now because she keeps my daughter while I work and I am now thinking about quiting my job to stay home with my daughter.
My mom was very abusive to me as a child/teenager/young adult. I am scared that she will soon turn on my daughter.
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Tags: Bipolar
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