Bipolar Disorder Forum - Need Help Dealing With Bipolar Mother

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Q: Need Help Dealing With Bipolar Mother

asked by: undertheradar on August 30th, 2007

New User

Hello,

My mother is 50 years old, diagnosed bipolar. I am twenty years old. She is very well educated, but has suffered severe depression for the last 10 years and seems to be turning into a mental vegetable. I am worried for her. I try to encourage her, but her psychological depression is all to familiar and evokes in me the very things I have worked so hard to move past. That is the pessimism, drowning in sadness, refusing to set goals or socialize. These are the same demons I wrestle with, yet she is 50 years old and still has not made any progress. I often feel that by communicating with her it is sucking me back in.

She claims to have stopped drinking, yet she still obviously drinks. She speaks as though she were mentally retarted, and praises me manically; also spends a lot of time talking about how awful her past was. I tell her to move past it all and to look forward, but I raise my voice and get frustrated as she reveals that nothing I tell her is getting through.

It's a tempting idea to abandon the relationship.. I act like the parent while she praises me for my knowledge and wisdom. I don't want to be wise and knowledgable! I'm not! I'm just in college trying to get by and don't know how to deal with this person that calls herself "mom". I do love her, but the moodswings are painful and the depression is unbearable. What have you done in the past to make bipolar relationships work? Can anyone help me work through this problem with my mother?

Replies(9)

Birch

replied on September 4th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

My goodness, I am so sorry to read all this. How tough it must be.

I would recommend you reading some books by Alice Miller. She is a psychologist who writes about relationships with parents with a focus on abuse issues.

It may not seem abusive because it isn't intentional, but the way your mother is treating you and forcing you to act the adult is abusive regardless.

I empathize with you; my mother would try to suck me into her world like yours, and I couldn't stand it. Sometimes I would ask myself, "If I just knew her as a person, not as my mother, would I put up with her behavior?"

No way.

But then she is your mother...

It's hard.

I hope you do some reading, and perhaps get some counseling. I know on most college campuses they offer free mental health assistance.

Best wishes!

gigglegirl

replied on March 8th, 2009

New User

bipolar mothers...

i have the same problem with my mother, only i am younger. and i dont even live with her and she drives me crazy. i spend my days at school worrying about her. shes alone in the city spending every last penny of her money. and yeah i also have that praising problem. and she rants too, about pointless things that no one would find useful or interesting. and after speaking to her i always wonder what life would be like if she werent mentally ill, and im not going to ie, at times i do have thoughts of abandoning our relationship. but i cannot do that. im the only one in the world that really cares about her and thats what scares me. so yeah, my advice just hang in there, because if your mom ever did anything to herself because she was so depressed that u werent talking to her, you would feel eternally guilty. so im telling you, just listen to her ranting and praising because not listening to her can result in something so much worse than frustration

cyn0508

replied on March 30th, 2009

New User

Be your own person.

I am 48 years old and was an only child of a bipolar mother and alcoholic father. Don't sit around worrying about your mom, get out there and make your own life. I married, had 3 beautiful kids, became a teacher, and became what society never thought I could become. I overcame my background. I said I wasn't going to be like them and I am not. I still love them (Dad died a few years ago and he lived with me in the end) but I don't let their problems bring my life down. I'm there if they need me but I don't put my life on hold. I have always been the parent in our relationship but that just made me a better person. It's all in how you look at it and deal with it. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.

PurplePalace09

replied on June 23rd, 2009

New User

I know exactly what you mean. I have a mom thats bipolar. She has bouts of depression and moodiness. She never praises us though, just more or less puts us down and complains that we never listen, even though all she does is talk constantly. My sisters and I are the parents and I have wanted to disconnect from her for a long time. Her life feels so toxic to mine. But same as you, Im worried she would hurt herself if we abandoned her. Plus she spends all her money on pointless things. So we are stuck mostly because we would feel guilty if anything happened and also because we feel obligated to try to help her emotionally. She is only 55 but she acts like her life is over....and sometimes it feels like she is dragging us with her. I have been told that it is helpful for family members to also seek counseling for this and I think I am going to. Her anger has pushed us past the point of frustration. I cant imagine she has had a positive effect on my life. I dont want her negativity to destroy the way I am in relationships.

goro_fugita

replied on June 26th, 2009

New User

I have the same problem, but is a bit more terrible because she is also has hyperthyroidism. I interned her at the psychic ward on early June, now she is out and doesn't want to speak to me, she blames me for everything and tells me that she is no bipolar, that she has only a thyroid problem. I am now trying to be away from her, I was getting sick myself...every time she sees me she starts ranting and she even said she wish for me to die...how charming. But other people like his brothers and her friends start telling me that I should be there for her all the time, even if she insults me...but I really reached my limit, I just don't want to anymore. Yes I know I might regret it if she dies soon, but I need my sanity Sad

PurplePalace09

replied on June 27th, 2009

New User

I know. I dont understand how to just let her insult me and put up with it. I would rather her get help instead of me having to handle her with kid gloves and take her criticism. I also understand how if she were to hurt herself, though it would be devistating, I feel like it would be just as another way she would try to make her unrational points and anger and upset us. She would undoubtedly try to blame us for it by saying we arent there for her..even though all we do is try to help her. And I know the rates of suicide are high when bipolar people are not treated. As far as I know, she is not seeing a therapist, or on any antidepressives, etc. When we discussed this, she too was in denial about her condition. How can you get someone to seek treatment? I want to tell her if she doesnt get help, I cant be aound her anymore...but I think she would just go deeper into this angry state. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get through to someone like this? PS: we've tried the..."mom. i love you. I want you to be happy. I need you to get help." ....she responded by saying "people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones"....and hasnt spoken to me since.

wendyrs

replied on June 27th, 2009

Supporter

We love our mothers unconditionally but unfortunately we can't change them or take away their illness. I suggest finding a local support group for children or family members of someone with bipolar disorder. Seeking the help of a therapist who will help you deal with your mother without allowing her to destroy your life is essential.

Sigcon12

replied on October 12th, 2009

New User

My mom is not the easiest person to deal with by any means. She rants and raves and you can never tell what shes going to do next. One day she will be SO unbelievably happy and the next she will tell you that she doesn't want you around and that She'd rather you we're dead. She doesn't want to fully accept that she has children and doesn't know how to manage a normal life. At this point in my life I want to abandon all contact with her because she is dragging me down, and she likes it. I want to live a normal healthy life, for once.

utterlybitterlylady

replied 6 hours and 46 minutes ago

New User

Bipolar disorder

I do not know what exactly is my mom's sickness but I can relate it closely to bipolar disorder.She rants almost for the whole day if she starts ranting and screaming and repeating the same things over and over again...only complaining at all times.I do agree dad hasn't been the best but she makes small mistakes look like huge and waits for a chance to start abusing and even uses very hurting words and remarks which make me extremely negative, depressed and feel suicidal.i cannot ever think of asking her to seek any medical help as that will give her an opportunity to get back to me for being bad to her for the next few weeks. please help me in dealing with her, i am about to be married and this is affecting my relation with my boyfriend and i have started getting hyper in our relation also.Please help.

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