My goodness, I am so sorry to read all this. How tough it must be.

I would recommend you reading some books by Alice Miller. She is a psychologist who writes about relationships with parents with a focus on abuse issues.

It may not seem abusive because it isn't intentional, but the way your mother is treating you and forcing you to act the adult is abusive regardless.

I empathize with you; my mother would try to suck me into her world like yours, and I couldn't stand it. Sometimes I would ask myself, "If I just knew her as a person, not as my mother, would I put up with her behavior?"

No way.

But then she is your mother...

It's hard.

I hope you do some reading, and perhaps get some counseling. I know on most college campuses they offer free mental health assistance.

Best wishes!

i have the same problem with my mother, only i am younger. and i dont even live with her and she drives me crazy. i spend my days at school worrying about her. shes alone in the city spending every last penny of her money. and yeah i also have that praising problem. and she rants too, about pointless things that no one would find useful or interesting. and after speaking to her i always wonder what life would be like if she werent mentally ill, and im not going to ie, at times i do have thoughts of abandoning our relationship. but i cannot do that. im the only one in the world that really cares about her and thats what scares me. so yeah, my advice just hang in there, because if your mom ever did anything to herself because she was so depressed that u werent talking to her, you would feel eternally guilty. so im telling you, just listen to her ranting and praising because not listening to her can result in something so much worse than frustration

I am 48 years old and was an only child of a bipolar mother and alcoholic father. Don't sit around worrying about your mom, get out there and make your own life. I married, had 3 beautiful kids, became a teacher, and became what society never thought I could become. I overcame my background. I said I wasn't going to be like them and I am not. I still love them (Dad died a few years ago and he lived with me in the end) but I don't let their problems bring my life down. I'm there if they need me but I don't put my life on hold. I have always been the parent in our relationship but that just made me a better person. It's all in how you look at it and deal with it. When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.

I know exactly what you mean. I have a mom thats bipolar. She has bouts of depression and moodiness. She never praises us though, just more or less puts us down and complains that we never listen, even though all she does is talk constantly. My sisters and I are the parents and I have wanted to disconnect from her for a long time. Her life feels so toxic to mine. But same as you, Im worried she would hurt herself if we abandoned her. Plus she spends all her money on pointless things. So we are stuck mostly because we would feel guilty if anything happened and also because we feel obligated to try to help her emotionally. She is only 55 but she acts like her life is over....and sometimes it feels like she is dragging us with her. I have been told that it is helpful for family members to also seek counseling for this and I think I am going to. Her anger has pushed us past the point of frustration. I cant imagine she has had a positive effect on my life. I dont want her negativity to destroy the way I am in relationships.

I have the same problem, but is a bit more terrible because she is also has hyperthyroidism. I interned her at the psychic ward on early June, now she is out and doesn't want to speak to me, she blames me for everything and tells me that she is no bipolar, that she has only a thyroid problem. I am now trying to be away from her, I was getting sick myself...every time she sees me she starts ranting and she even said she wish for me to die...how charming. But other people like his brothers and her friends start telling me that I should be there for her all the time, even if she insults me...but I really reached my limit, I just don't want to anymore. Yes I know I might regret it if she dies soon, but I need my sanity

I know. I dont understand how to just let her insult me and put up with it. I would rather her get help instead of me having to handle her with kid gloves and take her criticism. I also understand how if she were to hurt herself, though it would be devistating, I feel like it would be just as another way she would try to make her unrational points and anger and upset us. She would undoubtedly try to blame us for it by saying we arent there for her..even though all we do is try to help her. And I know the rates of suicide are high when bipolar people are not treated. As far as I know, she is not seeing a therapist, or on any antidepressives, etc. When we discussed this, she too was in denial about her condition. How can you get someone to seek treatment? I want to tell her if she doesnt get help, I cant be aound her anymore...but I think she would just go deeper into this angry state. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get through to someone like this? PS: we've tried the..."mom. i love you. I want you to be happy. I need you to get help." ....she responded by saying "people who live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones"....and hasnt spoken to me since.

We love our mothers unconditionally but unfortunately we can't change them or take away their illness. I suggest finding a local support group for children or family members of someone with bipolar disorder. Seeking the help of a therapist who will help you deal with your mother without allowing her to destroy your life is essential.

My mom is not the easiest person to deal with by any means. She rants and raves and you can never tell what shes going to do next. One day she will be SO unbelievably happy and the next she will tell you that she doesn't want you around and that She'd rather you we're dead. She doesn't want to fully accept that she has children and doesn't know how to manage a normal life. At this point in my life I want to abandon all contact with her because she is dragging me down, and she likes it. I want to live a normal healthy life, for once.

I do not know what exactly is my mom's sickness but I can relate it closely to bipolar disorder.She rants almost for the whole day if she starts ranting and screaming and repeating the same things over and over again...only complaining at all times.I do agree dad hasn't been the best but she makes small mistakes look like huge and waits for a chance to start abusing and even uses very hurting words and remarks which make me extremely negative, depressed and feel suicidal.i cannot ever think of asking her to seek any medical help as that will give her an opportunity to get back to me for being bad to her for the next few weeks. please help me in dealing with her, i am about to be married and this is affecting my relation with my boyfriend and i have started getting hyper in our relation also.Please help.

I am in the same situation with my mother who also denies she has anything wrong with her and is on a billion different types of medication and makes them sound ok because they are perscribed, I am about to travel half way around the world to see her in 6 days and she has decided now that since she has had an argument with my brother she wants no more to do with me either? I live in the USA and she lives in Australia and i have called her every day on the phone for 7 years so she isnt alone, im always the one to make her happy bending over backwards for her listening to her trash my father for years, although he isnt a perfect person he has been the stability in our lives. I am 30 years old married with 3 children and from a distance she runs my life, if she calls and im not here she leaves abusive messages on my answering machine and she has tried several times to kill herself, i cant live like this anymore she knows that her guilt is killing me, I have even started loosing hair from stress. She wont ever admit that she is bipolar or has any problems at all, everything is always our fault, my dad, brother or me. She blames us for her whole entire life and says she wishes she was never born in turn wishing that we didnt exist, she hurts me every day. I almost feel like not going on the trip but my tickets are non refundable and there are other people who want to see me. My mother also had hypo thyroid but now thats been removed, at my wits end here and tired of being a door mat.

I have found a new way to deal with my mother in the last few days which seems to be working wonders...I have told her that I suspect Dad is Bipolar(anything negative about him or us she readily agrees to)so I asked her to read more about this topic,have given her resources like books and articles to read.She is behaving different and less hyper than usual ever since.Hopefully she is realising slowly that most of the symptoms is similar to her own.I am planning to suggest her to see a counsellor to be able to deal with Dad.Hope for the best,will keep you all updated.

I have been aware of my bipolar disorder for 3 years now.
It was not an easy ride.
I have to say that people in my family trying to help me didn't work at all.
Only by feeling the consequences of following a manic mind til rock bottom was i then able to accept that maybe something in me was the problem. My brain chemistry.
Currently, my sister--a mother of 3--is manic. For an entire year. Her kids are exhausted from it too. They live only with their dad now. Some of the kids go to counselling. An effective tool to help the kids feel like they can still be kids is to NOT pass the phone to a child when their mother calls, but rather say, "I'll take a message for him/her." The kids need safe places to play, be kids and not have this dark cloud of "will my mom call to ramble and giggle and rage at me while i'm here?" My whole family does this telephone thing passed on by the kids counsellor.
i myself choose not to enable my sister to stay in manic high forever. Don't give her rides, pay her bills or any such consequence of wanting to live in her alternate universe of the manic mind.
i feel sad about her state of life, health, mind, lack of mothering capabilities due to self-involed-mania, but i don't feel guilty as much anymore. I didn't create her problem and i'm not enabling her to lengthen her manic period. I want her back. I'm fighting to have her back by letting her feel the consequences of mania, "good", bad and definitely ugly. But some family members do enable. We're all on different pages of the bipolar-awareness book, and yes, this sucks.
There's always some sadness to every bipolar situation.