Sure, I'm ready to listen.

So that we can help you better, please tell us:

1. Your age (helps to provide perspective).

2. His age (same).

3. How long were you two together?

4. What led up to the breakup?

5. Is this your first "big breakup"?


Let me tell you about myself:

1. I'm 50, so I can give you perspective from "the other side". I've been married for 11 years, having waited until I was 38. Never thought I would get married.

3. My first "big breakup" happened not long after university. I met him during my second year and we seemed to click right away. The way the uni system is set up in my State (in US) we have "main campuses" and there are "branch campuses" for people who want to go to school but can't take the time to the main campus (married with family, full-time employment). I was going to a branch campus for the first two years when we met.

It was love at first sight, something I simply did not believe in. I was hit hard and apparently I dazzled him. We spent as much time as we could together and when I transferred to main campus (four hours' drive away) we wrote each other all the time (this was waaaay before e-mail), called each other and did what we could to see each other.

We had planned on getting married five years to the day we met because that date would have been on a Saturday.

4. I can't exactly put my finger on what led to our breakup except that (and this is from my point of view) he was insecure and I had very low self-esteem. My view of love was that I devote myself to him entirely asking nothing in return. He tapped into that and whenever we had a fight (and there were more and more towards the end) it was *always* my fault. I thought he only wanted the best for me so I believed I was a bad person.

My last year of school I transferred to a school about an hours' drive away (less, if you took the train). We had a couple of really bad ones and we broke up. I thought I would absolutely die--to go on without someone who was my entire world. I even went to see a psychiatrist to find out why I was such a bad person.

I begged and begged and he came back. We were very happy initially but it wore off and the fights began--and he'd call to mind every transgression I'd ever committed. How do you fight with someone like that? I was caught flat-footed. This started the "merry-go-round" for a year or so until I *finally* realized I couldn't be as bad as all that.

We had our last arguement (sp?) after Christmas and when he said we were through I don't think I begged this time. I cried for a little then I asked for the things I'd given him that were irreplaceable (nothing worth much $$, just sentimental value). He did, then I walked out the door and left. Never to come back.

5. This was my first big breakup. How did I deal with it?

-I cried a great deal and a very hard time sleeping.

-I had a wonderful support network (male and female friends).

-I kept a diary into which I poured my heart out.

-I listened to sad songs (of course they were all written for me).

-I didn't eat for awhile (not like weeks at a time or anything that drastic, just didn't have much to eat).

-I reconnected with things I had given up for him.

-Time took its course. I think it took about six to nine months (don't really remember how long) before the shroud lifted. I never called him, I never drove past his place. We had no friends in common so I never knew what or how he was doing.

So, having read all that, post back and I'd be glad to help.

Sorry that you and your partner broke up. That can be tough. Keep your chin up and find something fun to do take your mind off it if only for a few minutes.

I realized after my breakup just before Christmas 2009, that he can;t have been the right one anyway. He up and left and stopped texting me for days. His behavior changed and he turned into a macho man... or THUG type person. I was blindsided. After one full month of being broken up now, the fog has lifted as you say. and I realize that he was not a part of God's will for my life. I really wanted him originally because I was lonely. Even then I didn;t ever think of him as marriage material. But I got comfortable in the relationship and attached to him. So I got off track of what God really wants in my future. If its not right and your gut tells you that then listen and accept it when it falls apart.

just read this post and in anti agings reply she says to trust our gut..i just realised i have been ignoring mine for too long.im not going into detail again about my broken heart,but basically we saw each other for two yrs he didnt want anything to do with me when i fell pregnant.i did send a post here and got a reply.anyway,these days almost a year after not speaking he is giving me attention again...i saw him in this week and my heart didnt skip a beat like it used to,it felt strange.but i could tell there was still something.i guess that i will always feel love in my heart for him,there were good times aswl but i am trusting my gut this time.i did text him telling him to keep well and so.i dont wish bad things on him and honestly want him to be happy.i guess when u have that kind of acceptance and peace in your heart then its a good sign,that was just my way of saying no hard feelings.life happened and that i have forgiven him.i think thats the hardest part of a break up.forgivnes.well good luck everyone!