Hello there,

I'm really confused and irritated about myself and also about my life, about my eating behaviour and ect.
First to say, I'm 18 and a half years and my life was sort of a disaster. My parents divorced when I was only a little kid, father's alcoholic, mother as well (well, rather was) and I lived with my mother that didn't care about me in any way, still until now. So I've kind of been alone my whole life, educated myself.
I got overweight when I reached puberty and I have problems with my eating behaviour ever since, as well as with my weight.

I'm slightly overweright, my BMI is 24,5 and I don't feel comfortable with it at all.
I isolated myself, still do, I'm so shy and not myself when i'm in public or with other people because I have hardly any self-esteem and I feel like I'm substandard (if that's the right word).

But I've got enough of it. I went to a few therapists and talked to them, but didn't do anything further in that way. I went to my doctor and told him about my eating behaviour and he said this was not a normal behaviour in fact.

And now I have no idea what I am supposed to do. I'm actually active, impulsive, buoyant, love to talk and to laugh and for almost two years I'm more the very opposite. I'm rather quiet, feel uncomfortable with myself and with everything I do. I'm so insecure, I even hate it sometimes to go outsides.

I was at a therapist and he offered me I could have a therapy, but of course I have to wait because the queue is so long. I wasn't able to reach him until now but I'm trying everytime I can to call him and ask for a therapy. I really really want to change something because I have so much dreams I want to fulfill and I'm sure I won't be able to do it this way, in my constant state.

I'll graduate this year from high school (probably), and I'll work afterwards to collect enough money to make a year at "Travel&work", because my dream is it to come round the world and to find a home I feel alright with. And because I want this since my very childhood I'll do anything in my possibility to manage this.

Can a therapy help me?
For some infos.. I binge for something like one and a half year, already did it a few times that I purged on purpose (but I was disgusted by it and by myself and don't do it anymore).
I just want to be.. normal. Simply normal.

Thanks for reading!