Multiple Sclerosis Forum - My Kids Step Mom Has Ms

Quincybug09

replied on August 25th, 2007

New User

Re: My Kids Step Mom Has Ms - She's Nasty. Is It the Ms?

Wow! It sounds like that might just be the kind of person she is. I have MS and step-children and we have no problems like that. If she is newly diagnosed with MS she may be going through some emotional adjustments and the anger may be part of the grieving process. If that is the case it may get better after she adjusts. But it doesn't sound like that is the case.

Have you tried to talk to her or your ex- and find out what all of the hostility is about? Maybe there are some issues that can be worked out over a cup of coffee.

I hope you get some relief from it soon.

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mom07

replied on August 29th, 2007

New User

She is not newly diagnosed. She is hostile because she evesdrops on my phone calls to my ex, or makes him put me on speakerphone without telling me, and evesdrops on calls with my kids and has heard some things she shouldnt have, like concerns with her son in relation to my girls and concerns over my kids not liking the way she treats them (she cant even be quiet when evesdropping, she busts in).

I can see how steriods would make someone so moody and nasty but I guess they do not use them anymore from what I read.

She has refused to have a 4 way family therapy session. Holds too many grudges the therapist said to be in a room with me.

My poor kids....Looks like theres no solution in sight to her personality

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Quincybug09

replied on August 29th, 2007

New User

mom07 wrote:

She is not newly diagnosed. She is hostile because she evesdrops on my phone calls to my ex, or makes him put me on speakerphone without telling me, and evesdrops on calls with my kids and has heard some things she shouldnt have, like concerns with her son in relation to my girls and concerns over my kids not liking the way she treats them (she cant even be quiet when evesdropping, she busts in). My poor kids....Looks like theres no solution in sight to her personality

I can see how steriods would make someone so moody and nasty but I guess they do not use them anymore from what I read.

She has refused to have a 4 way family therapy session. Holds too many grudges the therapist said to be in a room with me.

I am really sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble with her. It sounds like she may just have personal issues. Steroids are still used frequently in the treatment of MS relapses and also MS medications do have the side-effect of causing depression. But it really sounds like it is much more than her MS that is causing the problems.

We have eHealth forums on marriage and family relationships. Maybe you can find some answers and ask some questions there. The first is - http://ehealthforum.com/health/forum187.ht ml - This should take you to the forum on family relationships. And also: http://ehealthforum.com/health/marriage_vo ws.html - this should take you to marriage and relationships (not sure if this will have info you need, but might be worth checking out).

I sincerely hope you can find some peace in your family life, for everyone's sake. Especially the kids. Sometime they tend to suffer the most. Take care. - T

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young Girl

replied on August 29th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

do i smell jelousey brewin?

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Quincybug09

replied on August 30th, 2007

New User

the_girlfreind wrote:

do i smell jelousey brewin?

Sounds like it is not just brewing, but boiling. Right mom07?

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mom07

replied on August 31st, 2007

New User

Jealousy gone wild... Part of me feels bad because she is sick and part feels guilty because I really dont care anymore if she's sick or runs herself into the grave from stress. It doesnt seem like she's caring for herself to create all this unnecessary stress-- whatever happens is her own fault.

My kids had it all...Everyone was happy, well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in her game.

Now he's broke due to her making him by a McMansion and legal fees with me and wants to cut out spending on his support. He wont win but its something to aggravate everyone. My kids get it from every which way. And they fought and lost (after $$$) to take the kids away from me right after their marriage (because of delusions they are a better family).

Why can't she get a job and help out? She has plenty of energy, albeit negative. Is she getting $$$ from the gov I wonder.

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young Girl

replied on August 31st, 2007

Especially eHealthy

mom07 wrote:

Jealousy gone wild... Part of me feels bad because she is sick and part feels guilty because I really dont care anymore if she's sick or runs herself into the grave from stress. It doesnt seem like she's caring for herself to create all this unnecessary stress-- whatever happens is her own fault.

My kids had it all...Everyone was happy, well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in her game.

Now he's broke due to her making him by a McMansion and legal fees with me and wants to cut out spending on his support. He wont win but its something to aggravate everyone. My kids get it from every which way. And they fought and lost (after $$$) to take the kids away from me right after their marriage (because of delusions they are a better family).

Why can't she get a job and help out? She has plenty of energy, albeit negative. Is she getting $$$ from the gov I wonder.

sounds like shes a gold digger maybe? poor kids Sad

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Fairy Godmother

replied on August 31st, 2007

Supporter

Oh Yeah!

My father remarried this physcho from hell 4 years ago, he passed away last year...she ran everyone in the family off even his friends........his own children me and my brothers had to sit in the last row visitors section of his funeral. We were never allowed to view his body. This woman needs to be put in her place but as long as this man allows it, it will only get worse. My father was put into the position to choose her crazy ass or us. He was on chemo for over a year and the meds really messed with his way of thinking. I feel sorry for your children because I am a child o divorce.....I had a wonderful stepmother (God rest her soul) and have a great stepfather.......but I know too many situations where the stepmother gives the family hell. Please keep trying to talk some sense in to your ex and have the kids talk too. Maybe he will wake up and see the light before its too late like it was for us! Crying or Very sad

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Quincybug09

replied on August 31st, 2007

New User

mom07 wrote:

Jealousy gone wild... Part of me feels bad because she is sick and part feels guilty because I really dont care anymore if she's sick or runs herself into the grave from stress. It doesnt seem like she's caring for herself to create all this unnecessary stress-- whatever happens is her own fault.

My kids had it all...Everyone was happy, well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in her game.

Now he's broke due to her making him by a McMansion and legal fees with me and wants to cut out spending on his support. He wont win but its something to aggravate everyone. My kids get it from every which way. And they fought and lost (after $$$) to take the kids away from me right after their marriage (because of delusions they are a better family).

Why can't she get a job and help out? She has plenty of energy, albeit negative. Is she getting $$$ from the gov I wonder.

Yes mom07, you are right for not having pity on her because of her MS. I think it is all just a personality disorder/issue that has nothing to do with her MS. She has control issues. And that is never a good thing. I think it might be safe to assume that she has always been this way. That is probably how she sucked your ex into marrying her.

Did you check out the other forums on family relationships? I bet there is gonna be someone out there who has had the same experiences with their kid's step-mom. I kinda understand some of the stuff you are going through. I had a problem with my stepson's mother. But now he is my ex-stepson. I feel so sorry for him and wonder about him all of the time. He was a good kid. But between his mom and his father (who I don't wonder about) he is going to have a screwed up life.

I hope you can find some answers/suggestions and maybe some comfort from someone who has the same experiences. Try those family relationship forums on eHealth. They are linked in my previous message.

Take care of yourself, and don't make yourself sick over this! - T

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mom07

replied on September 5th, 2007

New User

Can otherwise healthy women who have MS get a job outside the home? Do they receive government assistance they would lose if they worked?

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Quincybug09

replied on September 5th, 2007

New User

mom07 wrote:

Can otherwise healthy women who have MS get a job outside the home? Do they receive government assistance they would lose if they worked?

That is a very hard question to answer. Every person experiences MS differently. I'm sure that anyone could look at me and say that I look healthy. A lot of MS is what people call an "invisible disease". We get comments all of the time that we don't look sick. I'm not sure how much you know about MS, but if effects your brain and spinal cord. There can be extreme fatigue involved. That is one of the most common MS symptoms. People like me, with Relapsing Remitting MS usually "look healthy" on the outside. My diagnosis began with a loss of vision in my right eye, but no one could see that, so they assumed that nothing was wrong. Before that, I had multiple problems that none of the doctors could pin down. They just weren't doing the right tests. Now I continue to have extreme fatigue that keeps me from working as a nurse. Sometime people get cognitive fatigue. Basically, you just feel so exhausted that you can't think straight. One can have trouble with problem-solving. I know that I sometimes have trouble finding the words to say what I am thinking. I guess my point is, you don't get MS until you get MS. Meaning that you can't understand it if you don't experience it. My husband even agrees with that, and he knows all of the problems that I experience.

According to the government, as long as someone can at least do a job like being a greeter at WalMart, they don't get any money from them. I don't get disability income, but I can't work at what I am trained to do, nursing. That is why I am here trying to help others. That is what I do.

I hope this gives you a little better understanding of the invisible illness that we call MS. I know it is hard to believe and that makes it even harder on those of us who suffer from it.

Take care and good luck dealing with your kid's Step-mom. I wish so much that I could tell you something that would make it all better, because I have been there too.

- T

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QuantumGravity

replied on September 10th, 2007

New User

I'm in the process of divorcing my wife who has M.S. for quite some time... but it lay dormant until about 7 years ago. Now she's gotten pretty bad... losing a lot of her strength... slowing her down a lot... and she's lost her "common sense" and much of her memory and reasoning ability. (she also wrecked two cars...) She also suffers from "social disinhibition disorder" and has pretty severe brain atrophy... so at 44 she has the brain of a 90 year old.

It has affected her personality irrevocably. As her husband and caretaker... I find it overwhelming, particularly since we also have a severely autistic 8 year old daughter. She is very petty and abusive... and sarcasm to her is a mainstay of her social skills... it's very sad.

M.S. doesn't just attack motor function. It can take away what made a person who they were once... the sweet lady I married is gone. Getting out of the marriage is how I am coping to survive for me and my daughter.

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Quincybug09

replied on September 10th, 2007

New User

QuantumGravity wrote:

I'm in the process of divorcing my wife who has M.S. for quite some time... but it lay dormant until about 7 years ago. Now she's gotten pretty bad... losing a lot of her strength... slowing her down a lot... and she's lost her "common sense" and much of her memory and reasoning ability. (she also wrecked two cars...) She also suffers from "social disinhibition disorder" and has pretty severe brain atrophy... so at 44 she has the brain of a 90 year old.

It has affected her personality irrevocably. As her husband and caretaker... I find it overwhelming, particularly since we also have a severely autistic 8 year old daughter. She is very petty and abusive... and sarcasm to her is a mainstay of her social skills... it's very sad.

M.S. doesn't just attack motor function. It can take away what made a person who they were once... the sweet lady I married is gone. Getting out of the marriage is how I am coping to survive for me and my daughter.

If that is how you are coping with her disease and disabilities then you should rethink your description of yourself as her "caregiver". By you "getting out" I am sure you will both be better off. I'm sure your daughter will have a good life no matter who she ends up living with

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QuantumGravity

replied on September 12th, 2007

New User

Quincybug09 wrote:

If that is how you are coping with her disease and disabilities then you should rethink your description of yourself as her "caregiver". By you "getting out" I am sure you will both be better off. I'm sure your daughter will have a good life no matter who she ends up living with

I am NOT sure that's the case. My wife is becoming increasingly incompetant in many ways. I see it in the ways she makes mistakes with paying bills (which I recently had to assume responsibility for)... and in the way she tries to recount previous conversations... and the very fact that she's physically too frail to wrangle our daughter during one of her meltdowns. And perhaps because of her physical frailty, she's easily rattled and becomes impatient and upset. In many ways, I'm already living with an old woman, because that's what it's like. I literally feel like I'm living with an old woman in a nursing home. She cannot have custody. Her own siblings see that.... I wish her mother did.

As far as being a caregiver... I really have been for the last seven years. But I'm mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted by it. The things I've been doing for her are less the job of a husband and more the job of therapists and housekeepers. Whatever it was that made me a husband hasn't been there for years. I can't be this or do this anymore. It's too much.

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Quincybug09

replied on September 12th, 2007

New User

QuantumGravity wrote:

Quincybug09 wrote:

If that is how you are coping with her disease and disabilities then you should rethink your description of yourself as her "caregiver". By you "getting out" I am sure you will both be better off. I'm sure your daughter will have a good life no matter who she ends up living with

I am NOT sure that's the case. My wife is becoming increasingly incompetant in many ways. I see it in the ways she makes mistakes with paying bills (which I recently had to assume responsibility for)... and in the way she tries to recount previous conversations... and the very fact that she's physically too frail to wrangle our daughter during one of her meltdowns. And perhaps because of her physical frailty, she's easily rattled and becomes impatient and upset. In many ways, I'm already living with an old woman, because that's what it's like. I literally feel like I'm living with an old woman in a nursing home. She cannot have custody. Her own siblings see that.... I wish her mother did.

As far as being a caregiver... I really have been for the last seven years. But I'm mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted by it. The things I've been doing for her are less the job of a husband and more the job of therapists and housekeepers. Whatever it was that made me a husband hasn't been there for years. I can't be this or do this anymore. It's too much.

I'm really sorry that you feel that way. I am sure it is a very difficult situation. But even though she is difficult to deal with, she still needs someone to care for her. Just like your daughter does. Is there someone else in your extended family that can offer some assistance so that you don't have to resort to breaking apart your family? You had mentioned her mother. Were you talking about your wife's mother? Can she help out? Will she help out? I always say that even if you have nothing else, you always have your family. They are the most important thing. At least, to me.

- T

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