Ksgirl02,

you are not alone. Yes, you can experience feelings that people are judging you, and that you won't be good enough. It is a persacusion complex, which goes hand in hand with paranoia, that are classic bi-polar symptoms. You need to educate yourself on the signs and symptoms if you are going to understand yourself. When you become familiar with the warning signs, you can head yourself off at the pace before you go into a major episode.

Go to the library or search the web for more information. The more you know the better you can know how to handle your life in the future. You are still young and have a lot to look forward to, since my diagnoses I have met and married my husband, bought a house, made and kept friends and am having a full and wonderful life. Not to say that occasionally there aren't any bumps in the road, but life's road is long and winding.

Good luck,

mia

Yes, your feelings are quite normal for your condition. I, too, have been dealing with weirdness for most of my life! Lol what i've done recently is try to find out as much as possible about bp and the meds you are taking or will take. It's not easy for us, but I can assure you it does get better with the right meds. I'm new to this forum, so please reply when you get a chance, ok? From light2dark :d

Sounds like you are going through typical bp stuff. I suffer from the same issues. Noticed you are on effexor..Is that your only med?? Effexor is an antidepressant. If you are truly bp then you will probably want to look into getting a mood stabilizing drug also because just an antidepressant generally triggers mania for bipolars. Paranoia is a symptom of mania ...Something to ask your doc about. Also, I highly suggest the book unquiet mind by kay jamison (sp?) that helped me feel less alone.
Hang in there and say nice things to yourself. This will pass remember it is not you it is your brain chemistry.
Noak

Hey i'm going to tell you what I told someone in another post, you should really check out -bipolar.About.Com- there are litereally hundreds of people who you can talk to there, who will understand and who have been through exactly what you are going through now- I myself included. Just know that this is normal as far as bipolar is concerned- are you just taking an antidepressant? This is what just recently happened to me and i've been having alot of symptoms that you are- insomnia, extreme social anxiety, paranoid, calmeness mixed in the energy bursts- I was just on an antidepressant alone( I was just diagnosed bp2 in feb '04) and this has taken away my depression but intesified the others, not helpful at all, so I was just told to decrease the antidepressant and i'm going to be starting new meds tomorrow when I meet with my Dr.-although I don't kknow which ones yet, check out the cite its a ton of help and great advice - take care and i'm here for you if you need to talk:)

I was diagnosed with bipolar 9 years ago and I understand it all. I have had many years of ups and downs and all arounds. I also have generalized anxiety and panic disorder. I am on 1000mg depakote, 450 mg lithium and 12.5 paxil cr. I am now for the first time really starting feel balanced. I contribute it to a doctor who will take the time to figure out what I need. I would agree that you need more than just the effexor and you must be careful cause it can make you go manic. They are starting to treat more and more patients with anticonvulsants. A new one I have heard good reviews about is lamictal. I find out a lot of drug info on rxlist.Com. It will tell you all about different meds. Look up the following: depakote, litium, lamictal, carbamazapine, topamax. These are a few that I know of that you couyld suggest to your doctor being put on. Always remember you must be your own advocate. Research what you need to do for you. Take charge.