Hi everyone. . I think I might be drowning myself in sappy memories.. I went and saw my boyfriend tonite , were fine and all. .But once again on my way home, the whole way all I did was think about ryan (the dad). He is such a jerk to me .. And hes done nothing but hurt me (i can finally admit as of today, he hurt me . .Alot. . I never would admit it. .I always shrug it off and tell people I dont care and how I hate him and it doesnt bother me that hes not around and is a di*k to me) but thats not at all true. He hurt me even b4 he found out I was pregnant. I remember we would sleep together. .Then all the sudden he tells me (again) that he wasnt ready for a relationship and he was 'too busy' with hockey..Yet he could sleep with me?. Anyhow, maybe its a step but at least I can admit iwas hurt. Anyhow, then he finds out im pregnant, denies it for a long time, calls me terrible names, ignores me, he never calls to see how my pregnancy is going or anything...But I keep thinking about him! And in a weird way its like I miss him! Even tho I should hate him! I mean, I am so angry at him...But I cant help it and I feel so weird.. And bad. . I mean I shouldnt be thinking about him! I always catch myself wishing he would change and then we would be together and raise this baby together. .Even tho I have a really nice boyfriend who is really supportive and I know ryan is the worst thing for me. What do u think? Thx alot everyone*
btw I am 22 weeks tomorrow* im feelin him movin like crazy lately*
Let me tell you a little story about me...When I got pregnant with the twins the father, oscar, denied them he said he wouldnt have anything to do with them ect. We were not together the whole pregnancy but he would call and visit sometimes. I have known my current boyfriend, jesse for years and at the time he was in prison but I remained in close contact with him. He told me that he would be with me and help me raise my kids when he got out but what do you know, when I have the babies oscar decides he wants to be a family with me, so I broke it off with jesse and got back together with oscar. He treated me like crap! He beated me up, said terrible things to me stabbed me and even burned me and when I left him I felt like the biggest idiot for breaking up with someone who would never hurt me like that. I got lucky and me and jesse did work things out but im sure everyone is not that forgiving. I still think about oscar and there hav been times that I even missed him, even though he is a jerk but I know who loves me so im not going no where!
im not sure what this means to you but just keep it in mind and know that your not the only one that thinks about their exs even when they are jerks!
Your always going to have feeings for him and love him. He is the father of your child. Whether he is mean to you or not, you two have a bond that will never be broken..And that through your child. Don't feel guilty...Its natural.