I've been abused more times than I could count on my fingers and toes and I still see my abuser occasionally. I'm extremely quiet and shy but I'm more talkative around people I know and some have even called me "mute". For example, I'll be talking to my friends and then when an attractive girl comes near us and hangs with our group, I go absolutely silent (I won't say a word). I find it hard asking a girl out. I had a brief schizophrenic episode and I have obsessive compulsive disorder and wouldn't be surprised to see others that haven't been diagnosed yet. I have very low self-esteem/confidence-you name it. There was a situation that I still remember in middle school where a female teacher called me ugly. I don't think I'm ugly but it has made me doubt myself till this day when women approach me. I like women but I push them away emotionally/show no affection (even the ones that I like) or even second guess myself whether they like me or not. I have ZERO experience with them and I'm now 26 years old. I'm the absolute worst when it comes to verbal signals and I can't read people's faces. I feel very uncomfortable and sometimes hate when people touch me and I rarely touch others.

Depressed and stressed out so I went to the strip club just recently(my first time). I couldn't even get aroused by just seeing the naked women there. I wanted to touch myself but couldn't with all the people around me. Am I starting to see the signs of ED because of masturbating a lot? When I go to the bathroom in a public place, I always have to take the private stall because I'm very cautious of others looking at me.

Also, while I was at the strip club (first time there), I got a private lapdance. I peed(I think) in the middle of it. Why did this happen? The stripper even said "Don't be so nervous" Also, while at the club looking at the naked women, I didn't even get an erection. I know I have trust issues but this wouldn't affect whether or not I get an erection at the club right?