Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

28 Still a Virgin to Dating And Sex

I am 28 year old guy I am apparently not that good looking since I haven't been on a date ever really. The closet thing I have ever gotten to going out was in high school a girl did ask me out to a dance, I accepted only because I wanted to be a nice guy, since I honestly wasn't even attracted to her. It didn't go well since it was a one time thing. At this point I have personal ads on a bunch of different dating sites but after almost 8 months of this I have only had 5 girls show interest 2 of which did say they wanted to see me but stood me up. I can only assume they figured out I was a virgin somehow since they saw my picture and we talked a little. I even tried speed dating which was a friends suggestion and again nothing. The other problem I have noticed is that it seems like everyone interested in someone my age is looking for a long term relationship which I have no chance at obviously. So bascilly I am at this point debating if I should just fess up and tell everyone in my profile that I am a virgin and that I need help with dating. I been depressed about this for a long time and its finally getting to a point that I can't stand it anymore. I have done almost nothing with my life just work and school and neither is anything to get excited about.
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replied August 29th, 2007
So nothing am I really that screwed I could use some suggestions help anything
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replied August 31st, 2007
I know how you feel. I'm 35 and due to various medical issues (a severe back problem,iinner ear/balance problems, depression & anxiety) for most of my 20s I didn't feel comfortable dating, afraid that once someone found out about my medical issues they'd think I was a "cripple" and not want to have anything to do with me.

Once my health problems got better about seven years ago, I was 28 and had no real experience in dating or even flirting with women. A lot of it had to do with a lack of confidence. After being rejected a few times, I figured it wasn't worth trying any more so I pretty much gave up on dating and just focused on work and hobbies.

Now, I just turned 35 and I realize I'll be 40 in five years and what do I have to show for it? I decided that life is too short to be afraid to take chances and to let fear of rejection keep me from trying to find someone. So I took the plunge into online dating, after several previous attempts, and this time I seem to be getting more interest. I also screwed up my courage and asked two women out recently...one said no but the other one, who just broke up with her boyfriend and whom I've had my eye on for about a year, seemed interested and I think she may just say yes. I think my potential change in circumstances is because I've lightened up and no longer worry so much about saying the wrong thing. Women like self-confidence...that much I know.

To make a long story short...no need to tell anyone you're a virgin. There's nothing wrong with being one, but we are definitely in the minority and some women may not know how to deal with it. I'm not the best looking guy in the world but I know for a fact that plenty of guys way uglier than me are getting laid...it all has to do with self-confidence. You fall off a bike, get up and try again. Believe in yourself and it will show. Hang in there... Mr. Green
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replied September 23rd, 2007
Update I Guess
Well I did go out with someone Monday this week, we talked for over 3 hours but it didn't feel like it. The night ended with what I think was a really passionate kiss. I think because I have never had anyone kiss me like she did and it lasted for almost 20 minutes I think although I really don't know how long it was, she was even like humping me which I later found out meant she wanted more. We have been talking all week every night except today, she is on a date with one other guy. I like her actually I think I really really like her I know or think that I can't say that I'm in love with her yet. I think its too soon or I guess I was afraid it would scare her off. The other guy deal is that she said she started talking to him at the same time she started talking to me. she said that she thinks he deserves a chance. I kept told her that I liked her enough that I wanted her to be happy, so I said that it would be ok for her to seem him once. She said that she would tell me tomorrow who she chooses. I don't know what to do I feel like I don't have time to try an figure this out. She texted me that she met this guy earllier and that they are going to stay out late tonight. When I got the message it hurt so much, I dont know what to do i hurt so much right now i cant distract myself i cant make it stop hurting. I feel like crap because i want my first time to be the right time i dont want anyone to have regrets. she said that things would've gone further monday but i liked her so much monday that I felt like I would be disrespecting her, am I crazy am I doomed for failure forever. At this point I want the pain to stop i i want her to be with me. I dont know what to do or think or anything what i am having second thought about is that maybe I am too nice maybe I need to be meaner or something
So I guess I need to know how much longer is it going to hurt, should it hurt being I have only seen this girl once but talked to her all week, should I if there is ever at all a girl who wants to go all the way, should I just run with it then and there no matter what the circumstances?
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replied September 23rd, 2007
I Guess
See the new thread for replies
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replied February 2nd, 2012
my humble suggestion
Like who you are, be content on your own, and then put yourself out there. Keep an open mind, and be watchful of any one around you that might catch your eye, but don't rush in. Mostly be yourself, because if you like yourself you should attract others who like you too, and that's the point. If you aren't yourself or putting on an act no one will ever know you, not really. So before you start asking why can't I get someone else to love me, why not ask yourself, why can't I love an accept myself?
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replied March 13th, 2012
Hey say it wit ur chest chin up smile wit pride n mean wat u say. Eventually someone will c u for who u r just b patient good things come to those who wait. I'm black woman stall ain't got it together yet. Hope this helps yu
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replied April 9th, 2012
I understand how that feels, I am also a virgin and I am proud of it! You should tell them, honestly you got nothing to lose, I mean all those who aren't a virgin now, were once a virgin to start off with, so don't feel as if you are being "wronged", and say it straight up, SO WHAT I AM A VIRGIN? Be proud of who you are, and be strong! You gotta show these people you got confidence and that you are NOT weak.
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