So, just so everyone knows, Tommy & I have officially broken up.

It's starting to be a lot harder than what I'd thought it would be. At first when we were on our "break" I was okay, probably because it wasn't official yet, and then I started talking to this guy Matt, because with everything going on, I just wanted to have fun and try to have a good time while all of this was going on (while tommy and I weren't talking for almost 2 weeks). I guess I was trying to get my mind off of it.

Well, he eventually got back on and said "i guess I'm ready to try again if you are" and I told him to give me a few more days, but it ended up being the next night that I called him crying. & on the 16th, things just weren't feeling right, I didn't feel like his heart was in it, & I didn't feel like mine was either, so I asked him if he thought we were wasting our time & if he was still in love with me, he said he didn't know what he felt.

So we talked about breaking up, we argued a little bit, and it ended with him saying "it was great while it lasted, i wish you the best"

he doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore. He said he doesn't want to put himself through that, & I guess I understand, but it's hard to accept. It's hard to accept that he wants to throw away 2 years of our lives, throw it behind his shoulder like a wadded up piece of paper and move on. I'm coming to realize that I'll never see him again, or that I'll never kiss him or hold him again, I'll never have late night conversations with him again, and it's really driving me crazy. This is the 3rd time I've cried and I've been up for an hour.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a cry baby, it's just confusing. He's been my best friend for 4 years, he's been my boyfriend for over 2. He's been there for me through everything, through the bill situation, through my family breaking up and going seperate ways, through every little fight that me and my mom have had, we traveled thousands of miles to see each other, and made this last for over 2 years, and now, just when we're finally reaching the end, when we're finally going to be living together in less than a year, we break up.


ugh, I just needed to vent. I thought it was going to be easier, everyone keeps telling me that I sound okay about it, but I guess now that I'm finally realizing these things, I'm not okay.

blah.