Hypochondriac ? No Motivation + Feeling Crazy Posted: 08-18-07 17:43pm
ok let me start at the beginning. this
first part may not hold relevence but i
want to put it just in case. this is a
pretty lengthy wall of text, so bare with
me.
i am going into my third year of college.
i start a new college in a week and a
half. all throughout middle school and on
i have had a very tight knit group of
friends. during the second year of
college, these friends started to take
their college work less serious and began
working full-time jobs and going to
concerts. they developed a fat wallet but
their grades started to decline rapidly.
they also began to act wilder. i began
acting the complete opposite. i spend most
of my time studying and all. eventually,
they excluded me from the "group". so i
went through my last semester of my second
year alone pretty much. i have been on
summer break for almost 4 months now. in
this four months i have spent 90% of it in
my room in front of my pc with a lot of
free time. for the last month i have been
suffering from something that i dont know
what it is. i keep wondering if i have
some disease or something that will lead
to me going to the hospital. i used to
have a very vivid imagination. i do a lot
of graphic design. but for the last 30% of
my summer break, my motivation has
vanished. whenever i try to think about
future design projects and all, i feel
like there is a cloud over my thoughts. i
also feel the urge to just scream and go
running several miles. i feel like the
room is closing in on me. i also can't
help but to think of random people
(actors, people i know, etc) and wonder
what they are doing at that very moment. i
think all this has sparked some physical
symptoms. i noticed my torso gets a lot of
cramps. i eat healthy though. also, i
can't keep thinking about my breathing.
its always on my mind and its driving me
insane. sometimes i forget about it, then
i feel relieved that i forgot about
breathing, and then that makes me start
paying attention to it again. i actually
forgot about my breathing throughout this
post until i got to the end here . im thinking all
this is because ive been in my room all
summer without any interaction with anyone
except a few relatives. i just want some
opinions. i guess staring at the same 4
walls all day will make anyone go a little
batty. i am feeling a little better after
typing this and knowing someone might read
it.
. im thinking all
this is because ive been in my room all
summer without any interaction with anyone
except a few relatives. i just want some
opinions. i guess staring at the same 4
walls all day will make anyone go a little
batty. i am feeling a little better after
typing this and knowing someone might read
it. 
