This is my first visit to this forum. Unfortunately, a very tramatic event is what has brought me here. I attended a cousin's wedding in a different state with my parents two weekends ago. My husband stayed at home because he had a "review class" to attend on Saturday morning. I spoke with him several times while I was away and he acted as though everything at home was fine as usual. When my parents and I arrived to my home on Tuesday afternoon, he was gone. And I don't just mean he had packed some clothes for a week and left. EVERYTHING of his was gone...from the house, from the attic, from our storage shed, from the yard...everything. It was as though he had never been there. He left a long, robotic letter, lacking emotion, love or feeling, and his wedding ring. And he was gone.
Considering that we have had a strong, happy marriage with few problems, this was shocking and devasting and at first I thought I had to be dreaming.
In his letter, he says that he is moving on for personal reasons. He says the following things: this decision has nothing to do with me and that I have been a wonderful wife and companion. But he does not want to be married anymore. He does not want to live in the state in which we reside any longer. He does not want to be a lawyer. (He just graduated from law school in May.) He does not want children. He wants to live alone where he can make decisions in an independent fashion, with no responsibilities or obligations to anyone else. He does not want to have to answer to anyone. He is unreliable and undependable.
The majority of this came as a complete suprise. The only thing that I had even known anything about was the part about the lawyer. (He had told me about two weeks before that he did not want to be a lawyer after all and that he had enrolled in and had been accepted into a master's of social work program at a local university because he wants to have a career in therapy. When I argued with him about this - due to a heaping amount of law school loans and a waste of four years of law school - he told me he was still going to take the BAR exam and find a position as a lawyer and go to the social work classes at night. I was huffy (mostly because he made a big decision and had discussed anything with me before doing it) and then I got over it. The week before he left, things were fine around here.
Also...he admits in his letter and in some emails we exchanged after he left that he has been lying all summer long. He never even took the BAR (his lawyer exam) and had been lying to me all summer long about studying for it, etc. He did not pay our mortgage for July along with several other bills around here...one was even a delinquent doctor's bill from May! He had point-blank lied to my face earlier this summer when I asked if he had paid the mortgage and several other things. He has lied, lied, lied. And this is not his typical character, in the three years that I have been involved with him.
Aside from the lying and the irresponsibilities with finances, some other changes in his personality that I noticed over the summer include: a change from being very tidy and neat to being very sloppy; he took a sudden trip by himself to Cancun, Mexico and had me under the impression he had been in Chicago for his friend's bachelor's weekend; he has had a very flat mood around here all summer; he shaved his head out-of-the-blue in June; he scheduled himself to have a LASIK eye surgery in June without ever having discussed it beforehand; he seemed to lose interest in applying for jobs; his appetite seems to be less than usual, including not being very interested in sweets (he used to have a HUGE sweet tooth); he used to spend hours in his garden each day and for the past month, he has hardly worked on his garden.
From the early into our dating life, over three years ago, I have know that he takes antidepressants (currently Effexor) for seasonal affective disorder/depression. He had a similar episode about two months before our wedding when he sent me a long robotic style letter (very similar to the one he left this time) and headed back home 15 hours away, saying he did not want to live in our state, did not want to finish law school, did not want to get married and was going to enter an alchoholics anonymous program (even though he is not what I would consider an alcoholic). From what I understood at the time, his doctor had changed his medicine and had not tapered his dosage correctly, shortly before all of this happened. He and I managed to work things out and he came back home about 1 month before our wedding.
Aside from these two periods of time I have described, my husband has been a very conscientous, responsible, loving, affectionate, even-headed husband. He is a great person and we have had a happy, safe, calm marriage. For him to have left like he has has been a complete shock for me, my family, his family and all of our friends.
I have been in contact with him via email and he still seems robotic and cold. It doesn't even seem like I am talking to my husband. He seems insistent that we get a divorce and he has moved back to the same apartment complex that he lived in when we were dating! He left our nice home to move back to that apartment and go back to school.
I apologize for the long, long letter, but there was so much that needed to be included. And I'm sure I've probably left some things out. So, does it sound as though he could be having a bipolar episode or does it sound like he is just being a jerk? He has finally agreed to go with me to therapy on Monday (but I think in his mind, he is going as a way to bring our marriage to a close). He has refused to go at all up until this point.
Im sorry no one answered you and ill try to talk to you, however, due to the time past im sure you alredy know the answers. Yes, Bp will cause some very abnormal behavior, a complete change of mind sometimes, to the point that you do not know the person anynmore. This happened to me with my lovely bf who turned against me after more than one year togehter, simply found another woman for no reason, when the manic phase left him he came back to me. It has put a lot of strainin our relationship and I feel that things will never be the same again. We are currently separated again.
Do let me know how you found your answers.