I just need to say this in words and try to lessen the emotions I have in my mind. I'm going through a lot of problems at home. I'm an adult and want to take that step out on my own, but my mom is constantly threatening to kill herself if I was ever to move out or even begin my own life. She is definitely overly dependent on me and all I feel is pressure from having to act the way she wants to or else she guilts me with her suicidal thoughts. I have asked her to seek help, but she refuses and no one else in my family thinks she needs it.

Because of her constant need to stay attached to me, I haven't been able to live my own life. All my friends have strayed from me and I no longer have anyone I can talk to. I'm at home most of the time because I worry about her and the child she is babysitting. I usually stay locked in my bedroom thinking of ways I can free myself from this chain and the only thoughts I get are thoughts of ending my life so I will be free. I don't have anyone I can talk to and everything is bottled inside of me. I spend most of my nights crying myself to sleep. In addition to these bad thoughts I have, I also worry about this child. Her parents do not think there is a problem, but I can see the emotional damage being inflicted upon her. She is being trained to be attached to my mom, as I was. I can't bring myself to betray my mom, but I worry about this child and myself.

I feel like I have a ball and chain attached to me for life. I've become completely withdrawn from life. Other than work, I literally stay home all the time. I can feel the life being sucked out of me. I don't know what to do. If I muster up the courage to leave my mom, I feel like she would kill herself. If I stay, I think a bottle of pills would be my new best friend. I don't know what to do.