You are most likely considered EDNOS, eating disorder not otherwise specified, wich is a category they use when you dont quite fit the anorexia or bulimia. You do have an eating disorder, distorted thinking. You should try to get set up with a psychologist and start speaking to them to get the help that you need, it will help out alot, they try to change your thinking patterns so you are thinking more posotive and not so much negative thoughts. It still isnt healthy at all, and because u ate 300-600 cals daily your body was in starvation mode wich slowed down your metabolism to keep you alive , so now your body is holding on to as much as it can now that you are eating again. but my best advice is get proffessional help so yuo can be happy again and love yourself.

i know this is a stupid thing to say but i dont feel like i deserve to get help,because i am not thin enough and i dont know if i can live without it. its all i have, its all i am. i also don't want to be anymore of a burden on the people i love. i am fed up of always being the problem and they dont have any idea of this hell so i cant get help.I just want to loose weight and maintain it, without slipping up and into something else. I feel better in my mind when i am thinner, how can i get my metabolism back to normal?How can i teach myself how to eat again, what should i start with?i cant eat carbohydrates or fats without wanting to purge, how do i stop this?i am beginnig to think i am j destined to be this way forever.

Hey There Girlfriend, This thing you are obsessing about is not to be thin.....you have a control issue. Your weight seemed to be hte only thing you had control over for 3 years? Am I right? Your self worth is shot to hell and you feel guilty if you eat? You need to see a doctor. Thin or thick has nothing to do with whats up in your head sweet girl. Once you see a Dr and you get stabilized so that you aren't jumping from lows to highs, you can also get help from a nutritionalist. Someone who whill teach you how to eat healthy. Not sure how old you are, I assume young. You can gain control over yourself, but you are going have to have some help. I know this because I've been there..........You are someone special.....you have to believe in yourself if you want others to believe in you....and only you can make it all happen! I'm right here!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey Fairy*Godmother thanks for your words, i'm 17, it sounds as if you have some idea of this, how did you come through it? Could you ever imagine a time where you would be ok around food, without panicing?

Maybe i do have a thing about control, because when i restrict i feel an amazing sense of calm and it feels brilliant i love to see the numbers on the scale go down i get a sort of high from it, yet the moment i eat i feel worthless and i hate myself so i have to make myself sick in order to feel back in control of it, yet that in itself is a catch 22 because eating descends into chaos and all control is gone. I hate myself so much, i hate the way i am, i hate the way i am around people, i hate that i lie to everyone,i hate that i have to pretend all the time and that if people like me they like the false me and i hate that i end up hurting everyone around me so it is easier to cut them off and people think that i am cold. I want to change myself.
I know that it is not right to do this through food. I know, and if anyone else were doing what i am doing i would be mortified and tell them the same thing that you are telling me. I know this is messed up thinking. I know but i don't know if i can stop. I dont know if i want/need to.

If i did decide to be brave and went to the doctor what should i say? What would happen then? Would i be able to get help without having everyone find out? I got myself into this mess, so i need to get myself out. I am just scared, really really really scared.

Yes, you can go for help and no it would be no ones business.......doctor/patient confidentiality.........thats the law. You tell the doctore exactly what you are doing. Tell him you feel loss of control unless it has to do with the scales and your food obsession. You asked if I over come it.........YEP.....It took a doctor, and severla different meds to straighten out this old brain, but I am obseffive compulsive disordered!!!!! I finally am stabelized and no longer make food an impoortant issue in my life. Guess you ahve to come near death to really appreciate life. I have been through a brain anuesym and mallignant melanoma so the conrtol issue was only a dip in the road. You are very young baby girl. I have a daughter whi will be 24 this year. I would be more than willing to be here for you. If you want to PM me, I'll be here for encouragment and to chew your ass out when you don't listen.I am Fairy*Godmother...I can do that and get away with it! Sometimes it helps just knowing thee is someone on the outside cheering you on. Wish I'd had that kind of opportunity! Let me know! I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!