Single and Struggling Forum - How Do You Meet People When You're Older ?

Hi there troubled one!

Despite being a man I have written a long reply which I think will help you out.

You don't like going out and don't have a lot of friends. Well neither do I. These things always go together. One seems to lead to another. But it's not really true, going out is only 1 type of activity and actually it is not very fulfilling at itself. Meeting people is good but it's better to meet people with similar interests as you. Otherwise it's easier to feel alone in a club or bar, thinking: "what am I doing here?" Those kind of venues don't really invite me to go inside unless I have a friend with me.

A great way of meeting people is playing games. Tabletop games, card games, bridge, poker, chess or something less competitive like D&D, whatever suits your interest. The game itself gives something to chat about and there's ACTUALLY SOMETHING TO DO rather than sit and wait for something to happen if you're not much of a talker.

Another way is online dating. You can take your time and try to find a guy whose profile you like. Most guys never get mail, so he'll be happily surprised and flattered when you mail him. You may have to pay some for online dating. Just do it, there's no point in denying yourself a nice relationship over some money.

Speed dating also costs a little money but you can meet a lot of guys in one night. Very quickly, by nature, people decide whether someone has potential as a mate or not. Speed dating is 100 times faster than online dating particularly for men.

At the age of 33 you probably have developed interests, maybe you should develop more if what you can think of is not much more than TV/movies (although you should never be ashamed of having a passion no matter how futile it may seem to others). Reading can be very stimulating. The internet is also a vast source of information. Anyway, whatever you become interested in, join a group of people with the same interest. A cool site for this is meetup.com. An old school way would of course to just look around and see what activities are organized in your neighbourhood and then decide what catches your interest. It could be something like a book club (hey get some more female friends, make sure you have a nice life without men too).

A man should not be the one making you happy, YOU should be that ONE! A man can make you more complete, that's all.

Certain activities attract a lot of men like LAN-parties (gaming), sports, cars/motors, Magic The Gathering or whatever. Usually they are competitive which women don't like and some of them may seem nerdy but they're really cool if you can open your mind to it, just as supposedly "girly" stuff can be cool for men if they open their minds...for instance I like watching Jane Austen films, listening to Kate Bush music, cooking how's that for masculinity?

It's a shame people think "boy meets girl" happens only in the club, there's only a certain type of people there that you may rather avoid. What about supposedly boring places like libraries, bookstores, museums, the church, the mall...you could meet your guy anywhere.

How to start a conversation? Easy for women. You don't have to put in as much effort as men. Just drop your pen and see if he picks it up. If he does, he's a gentleman and you can smile at him. If he doesn't, well if you really want his attention YOU could pick it up but be choosy of course...he could start the conversation if he doesn't just ask him open questions, ask his opinion about something that matters to you. Like "who do you think will be the new president?" or something.

Another way to open is just to ask the way or what time it is, or what day it is (I like that one, it's funny).

Don't be afraid...I have approach anxiety and motivational problems in this department but well if you're choosy you'll know what guy could be worth approaching. In this day and era, it's more accepted that females are a bit more aggressive sexually just watch Sex and the City (but don't become like those frustrated women in an oversaturated singles market waiting for Mr Perfect who doesn't fart and doesn't exist....).

Good luck!