Dear Prachanter: Good question. In the end, you are the only one who can determine if you should change and the decision by which to do so should be based on the degree to which your personality style is affecting your social, occupational, or educational functioning. If you do not believe it is having a significant affect and you are content with who you are, then why change? If it bothers you, then consideration of change is a good idea.

Dramatic changes are probably nrealistic, at least initially. Everyone has a certain core temperment that is biologically determined and shaped by environmental influences. Thus, there will likely also be a part of you who is introverted: it is who you are. The worst thing you could do is to pretend to be something you are not: people will pick up on it and it won't feel right to you. A good psychologist would be able to role play some social situations with you and help you feel more comfortable with being more outgoing. Or, you can just try little experiments each week such as having a goal to introduce yourself to a new person, initiate conversations, etc. Whichever route you chose, best of luck to you.

Are there any good books, to give me guidance, and help me define goals, that give practical excercises and don't treat being introverted as a disorder?

Dear Prachanter: Try the following:

Painfully Shy: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim Your Life. The author is Markway. Let me know how you make out.

Best,

Dominic A. Carone, Ph.D.

Hi Prachanter,

I used to be extremely shy myself to the point that I could not even go buy bread at my local bakery even at 18 (used to live in a very small village).
I am French but have come to London 8 years ago. Therefore, I had to do everything myself, I did not have my mum's backup anymore, I have met people from all over the world, started making friends going out and best of all making other people laugh... This was the best thing for me, the ability to make people laugh, not to be dull anymore, have an interesting conversation....
I still feel shy in certain circumstances but to hide it or make it go away I use jokes...that's my secret weapon !
Today, I manage my own relocation agency, who would have thought it because 10 years ago the vision I had of myself was locked up in an office with no contact whatsoever with the outside world, meaning no contact with customers....

I am sure you can manage to overcome your shyness too.

Good luck,

Carole

Check out "Living From the Heart" by Puran Bair.

This book describes a set of simple breathing exercises which restore balance in your life by reducing your heart rate variability (the physical manifestation of stress). This can have dramatic effects on your life, and will definitely help you find the things you are looking for.

I can really relate to the things you said.

About trying to act like someone else... It's very difficult unless you truly have a deep seated love for this person. It is possible nevertheless.

It's very difficult to reason one's way out of this. It will help you tremendously to find your own way of understanding the things that your heart is telling you. Why are you uncomfortable? What is the fear holding you back?

Very often, simply the act of tuning in to our hearts, and acknowledging our fears alleviates the conditions holding us back.

All the best,
-Daniel

Also, check out http://appliedmeditation.org

Well, I was diagnosed with ADD. I've seen a couple therapists, both of whom said I don't have social anxiety disorder, but am introverted. Sometimes I don't pick up on subtle body language and I don't think I'm super expressive (though I'm intelligent and empathic and tend to be liked by people who get to know me), hence the occasional assumption that I'm bored, indifferent, or unhappy. I might be a wallflower occasionally, waiting for a more overt display. People don't think I'm weird, just quiet.

I picked up a copy of Painfully Shy, and the first part seems to be all about sunshine and flowers and donning your superman cape. I'll read it, I don't need a new cape, but it might give good tips on body language and conversation.

In reading the book, I can tell for sure I don't have social anxiety disorder. Though I might be somewhat uncomfortable being alone at a party full of strangers, sometimes I avoid sticking with my friends at parties. I don't think the problem is "fear" or anxiety driven. I just don't see a lot of cues, and if I do sometimes I don't act because I see no reason to. It seems one of the steps isn't developed. Which step is a mystery. As a kid I was made fun of and excluded constantly, so now I'm selfish and overly sarcastic sometimes to the point of offending.