|Well... I think there may be something messed up going on inside me...I am planning on seeing a doctor...but its so tough to want to go and explain all of these things... basically Im going to try and explain my life in general.
I was always a good student, Im in college and a pre-med... good grades etc etc. I transferred 2000 miles away from home to attend a university that my grandparents wanted me to attend (they were paying for it). Well... within a week things went terribly wrong (i was transferring in as a junior):
I was physically attacked walking to my car... being a female it was the worst possible thing that could have happened... I was beaten up and my left pinky finger was dislocated and I had an open fracture. I was devastated as i play the violin as a stress reliever. My finger is now permanently disfigured, I even had surgery last december to try and fix it... my finger is crooked and i have not been able to play because of my bending and straightening problem.
Moving on. I ended up seeing a psychologist and they said I had Post traumatic Stress Syndrome... I was having problems sleeping, feeling fatigued all the time... and i would freak out (on the inside) whenever i would see things that would remind me of what happened. I began having problems in school.... I couldnt concentrate, I would sit there and try to listen and i would just zone out.
Now onto current problems. I worry about the smallest things now... and i feel pain in my chest almost constantly. My heart starts to pound and i just cant seem to stop myself from going into freakout mode. I try not to let anyone notice... I dont flip out on people at all.
I feel like i now have ADD.... il be sitting there and talking with my boyfriend and zoning out... i do it with most people that i talk to... and i dont like this. I dont want to live this way...i get aggravated so easily...and i try to hide it and it just ends up getting bigger and bigger... I used to have these weird twitches where I couldnt sleep at night...like there was just too much energy in my body.... it made me feel like i wanted to jerk around...almost like ants in my pants... i now seem to have it at least 4 times a week...and before it would happen maybe once in a few months... and not at night.
So.. I guess the question is... do you guys think there is anything that can help me...i thought that perhaps if i just tried to sort things out on my own id be fine...my psychologist wanted to put me on a low dose medication but i wasnt a big fan...now im not so certain going on one would be a bad idea.
Here are my symtoms:
-Heart racing... sometimes over the smallest of things (the dog begins playing with a ball and i dont like the noise...so i freak out).
-Anytime i get the least bit worked up i get chest pains... right now just typing this im getting this deep dull pain in my heart region...
- I cannot seem to concentrate... i used to be able to do it very easily...i totally zone out now.
- Im angry... im angry that i was attacked, im angry that im deformed for the rest of my life... im just angry.
-That feeling of ants in my pants.... a release of energy.
- I recently was training for a triathlon and got a sports hernia so im not allowed to workout other than physical therapy. (a sports hernia is where you rip your ab muscle from the pubic bone).
- The smallest of things get me upset.
I need to chill out... but i cant seem to do it by working on it alone...any suggestions?