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August 9th, 2007
I'm confused what is going on. I took a few test for depression and it said I was, thus coming here. First I just want to say how life use to be like. My life revolved around video games, anime, food, porn, friends, and school. Me and my friends would play a lot of video games with each other, talking online through ventrilo and having good fun while doing it. I would eat a lot. It was fun I thought, but didn't help me only made my a lil chubby but I really wasn't worried. Wasn't worried because I could never get girl friends that were... well good ones. I would also grab the fun stick. And school was school, I did well and still do well but the social aspects changed on me.

And now.. now, I don't know when it started but I lost interest in almost ever thing. Video games lost there greatness, my DBZ, Death note, Bleach type animes were just not good anymore. Also I have stopped eating. Only eating when it hurts and when that comes have a few cherrys or grapes. Porn completely lost ever thing I hate it now. I don't talk to my friends as much as I remember we use to. And school I feel like I need a girl friend really bad ( its weird cause I dont want ANYone to be my girlfriend I just feel I want one)

What I do all day is look for people with my problem or check if it is a problem at all. Look for romantic animes, yes I lost all connection with my affection to blood and gore and lots of violence. Workout, which I never really did before. And sleep only thing that gives me pleasure now is romantic stuff and ever sense I started getting in to romance I felt the need to get romantically involved with some one. I have studied myself and I thought hard about whats happening to me, I tried to connect everything together. What I think is that my need for romance has trigged a "emo" type state, which gives me the impulse to get slim, watch romantic stuff, and stop doing EVERTHING that used to be great.

I just want to know if this story is my maturing or is it me becoming emotional or depressed, and to add to that I did think about killing myself once what was going on in my head was "I am so fat, no girl friend, people make fun of me because I have no life, I will probably never get romantically attuned to anyone, for some reason my chest hurts and I believe this to be lust for love or something and it really does kinda hurt" but I was like these are retarded reasons to kill myself.
sorry if I'm in the wrong place but in needed to say something to anyone.
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Marfa2107
replied August 9th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
hi hun..
how old are you??..
these feelings sound like a mixture of you growing up (maturing)
and a little bit of depression mixed in..
what do you look for in a girl??..
what do you see for your future??..
=)
i'm here to try and make you feel better about yourself..
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cloe2979
replied August 9th, 2007
Hi
It does sound Like your growing up. I think this is a mixture of maturing and depression. I am a 27yr women and delt with very deep depression for yrs now. Getting older is always confusing and new, but having a depression problem over all the things u need to sort out between adolescence and adulthood can be overwhelming.
Let me give a bit of my background.....I started my depression in Middle school. I had no Idea what was happening to me and it lead me to bad places in my mind. I had friends but didnt want anypart of them. I'm fairly attractive but didnt want anything to do with boys. Most time I cryed and never ate and bearly left my house. As I got older it got worse cuz I never seeked a Doctors advice. Finally I did seek out a Doctor but I was so far gone. My hair was falling out, my weight was down to 90lbs and I was so weak. He put me on a anti-depressant and it helped for a bit. I had to be on a milkshake diet for weight gain cuz my mouth wasnt allowing me to chew without feeling sick, and vitamins to try and help with the hair and skin. Years passed then I got manic and refused to take my meds. That spirraled me right down. Lead me right back to old patterns of icealation and crying. The boyfriend I had was confused and angry and all the other feelings I can only imagine. My thoughts were of death and any other means of escape. I took 24 colonapins and 12 tylenol and allowed myself to just lay down, fall alseep and die..... but god had differant plans for me.
(whew) its not easy to talk about this........ Crying or Very sad
So my advice to u is, if u start getting bad thoughts STOP! Go see a doctor they can help u. Talk to someone before things get drastic. This is just a small peek into what I delt with and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. I'm sorry u have to go through this but your not alone. Millions of people deal with a kind of depression, (some worse than others). I just EMPLORE U to seek help before any negative thought grow into somthing u cant control. I'll be here if u need sumone to talk to.....
I hope I helped....
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tkadin
replied August 9th, 2007
More Purpose
What I would suggest is finding meaning in your life. Obviously nothing is holding your attention, you feel no satisfaction in things that used to fill your sense of worthwhileness. If you are looking for fufillment in romance, or relationships, you will be eventually let down. you need to find a peace, and joy, a sense of higher calling. I have found this in Jesus Christ. I'm talking about picking up a Bible and reading it, and hearing his words of love, "I will never leave you or forsake you", "Come to me if you are weary and tired and I will give you rest". I am not neccesarily saying go to a church (again, full of people that may let you down). Church is more of a support group for those who believe the message that Jesus brought, which is hope, and love, but those people are just like you and I, they struggle with the same issues and feelings. I love the people in my church, they are all like me, trying to live a better life, but they can't fix me, only Jesus can. I realize that my answer may offend you, or other readers, and I wouldn't post it if I didn't think it truly would help.
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Quickqusetion
replied August 9th, 2007
Thanks
Hi again, thanks for replying. That alone made me feel a lot better. I will take in to consideration everything you have said to me. Just to answer and reply to you guys. I'm 16, I'm just looking for a girl that is there, I can talk to her about anything and maybe a bit shy because I can relate to her. And just to make it clear I REALLY thank you for replying, just being able to read someones thoughts about me made me happy. I did try talking about this with someone but I just got " your paranoid it will pass " and that really didn't make me feel anything better.

Just to add 2 things, I have read the bible and stuff but I really never got in to it like I don't know what to think about it. Just seems that the stuff I read from the bible never happened to me like just amazing things never really happen. To the future question I kinda get sick when I think of the future like all these thing are going to happen that will be great but so far away so I just kill myself just thinking about it.

I am going to see a doctor I guess... but I feel uneasy about that =/
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Marfa2107
replied August 9th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
why do you feel uneasy about going to a doctor?
is it just b/c you feel uncomfortable talking about your situation??..

i'll tell you about when i was severely depressed

my best friend got killed the night before thanksgiving in 2004...
my boyfriend of 2yrs. broke up with me 2 wks after that..
i slumped..
i lost all of my friends b/c of my boyfriend...
so i pretty much sat in my room and slept all the time
i got to the point where no one wanted to be around me..
my rock bottom hit when i started passing out...b/c of the depression
i was outside one day talking to my parents and i passed out and my dad
said my head bounced on the road 3 times...
that's when they took me to a doctor..
he prescribed me anti-depressants and they worked wonders for me
i became happy again.. and i actually got confidence..
just a lil bit about me
i am chubby, short, and quiet..
not popular...so i had no self confidence..
after taking my anti-depressant for about a year i weened myself off of it
making myself believe that it was not the medication making me feel
better...
i was making myself feel better...

i now attend a counselor every 2wks and she tells me how to act upon
my emotions and how to deal with things..
she has helped me so much
and i think just sitting talking to a counselor (not a psychologist..just a
counselor that deals with teens) would be great for you..
someone to talk to.... it's great...







you are 16 you have your whole life ahead of you!!
you sound like a great kid and have your head on straight
(from what i can tell)
you seem to be stuck in between adolescence and adult..
it's a tough spot... i was there not too long ago
i'm happy to talk with you about whatever!!
you can PM me anytime =)
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