Drugs

so i turned 18 right. i was a good girl didn't smoke rarely drunk. till i re formed a friendship with a girl who was ... well always the bad girl in school. anyway i was young and stupid and didn't know much about drugs. so i took fantasy not knowing it was even a drug. i figured it was alcohol. gbh changed my way of thinking. that night my mind changed. prior to that night i thought of drugs as horrible and gross. after having the fanta i was told that it was a drug. and i sort of laughed it off. after that i was given crystal meth through a pipe. i just sucked it down coz straight away i thought drugs arent that bad i'm still the same. after that i started doing crystal more often. i started loosing weight, not that i was big to start with. i made friends with this chicks friends. and we started going out. every weekend. then most nights, then almost every night. it developed very fast from a once off thing to a work from 3pm till 8pm go out and take fanta of smoke crystal and go home at 5am for some sleep. then go to work at 3pm. then i decided i didn't need sleep and would go for many days without. i then ventured to trying more drugs. i started eating speed because it was cheaper and i could'nt afford crystal anymore. then i started getting coke from this guy who took an interest in me. soon i found myself on to ecstasy pills. most nights i would go out on one or two pills and speed sometimes coke too if i could score. soon i started working at night too. for one of the guys. selling. selling everything. the risks i took were unreal. i got searched once and dropped an 8 ball in a near by pot plant. i didn't get done. i lost my friends and developed new friends. friends with no personality,friends with no sense of loyalty and further more friends who's minds were fried from drugs. one night i had no pills and couldn't get anything because my dealer was in jail. i was so desperate i practically begged random people. i finally got one. a different pill i'd never seen before. it was called an ohm. it melted in my mouth and changed me forever. it affected my breathing. within 5mins of dropping my world felt like it stopped .. everything went dead slow. i could feel myself over dosing. my friend with me was confused and stoned. everything got really loud. and i forgot how to breath. my friend was shouting at me but all i could hear was a buzz and everything was really light. apparently i went snow white, (i'm normally taned) my lips turned blue. and i wasn't breathing. i dropped to the floor i sat there looking around me confused whils't everything spun by. i blanked out from lack of air. one of my other friends happened to walk past he was not on drugs. he hit me which made me gasp for air and wake up. ever since my breathing has been different. sometimes i forget to breath. and for 6months after that i would go on little random trips. where it would happen again but not so bad. you would think after feeling that i would stop. but no i still craved being high. the following weekend i went out as usual. i took a pill and then at 3pm i ate 3 hits of speed, at 4am i was trying to smoke crystal but my hands were shaking so much i couldn't... i was in the boys bathroom of a club with my friend. the guy i was with was getting locked up the next day for possession of rock. which belonged to me. he was telling me to keep a steady hand whilst i lit the pipe because he couldnt handle me breaking it cause he had to go away tomorrow and needed more.. that moment i realised this is not who i was raised to be. i stood there shaking and crying cause i couldn't light it, he too had bad shakes. i accidently smashed it and went crazy. i went crazy cause i needed that hit. later on that morning at about 5am i snorted some more coke and smoked some heavy rock. later when i got home i couldnt come down. it was a weird feeling. normally i just came down and was fine. but 12 hours later my pupils were still so big you could barely tell my eyes are blue. i waited i sat up and i waited another day passed without sleep and with bulging pupils i was getting paranoid and scared. i started seeing things. my wall paper started dancing. my heart started racing. i was tripping real bad. i did not sleep for 4 days. my body was a wreck. i almost had a heart attack at the age of 18... then i realised i really do need to stop. it took me 2 near death experiences to stop. i decided not to push my luck for a third. i'm writing this because when your on drugs. you don't see things like this. but after drugs your never the same. two years on i am 20 and studying narcotics and law. i want to help people so they never experience what i went through. it sounds timid but words can't explain the way it feels to over dose. to lose complete control of your body. when your mind is in complete control and you see things that just aren't real. to see shadows and people. it scares you to death. to not be able to come down out of this state. it is the worst feeling possible. and i want no one to experience it. thats why i'm writing this. i know my experience wasn't what some people endure. i never used needles but it was still so difficult to over come. and to get rid of. still to this day at nights i can't sleep because i stop breathing. its like now i have to concentrate on how to breath. p.s i'm sorry about my shocking spelling i haven't slept in a while. but seriously if you ever think i'l try drugs just once. DON'T!!