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How Do I Help My Boyfriend With His Depression?

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My boyfriend has been depressed for months. He did take medication for a short time but discontinued it in fear he would become dependent. He admitted his depression again recenlty but will not take any action at this time. The depression stems from a 14 year job he may be fired from.
He has lashed out at me for even bringing up certain topics, seems
less patient with his 7 & 9 year old children, has asked if I am conversing with other men and criticizes himself over weight gain. I offer loving support with kind words and hugs. Now he says I am pushing my self on him and he wants time to think about our relationship. I think this is another way of him isolating himself. What can I do to help with out being over bearing? I want my boyfriend to be happy and alive again.
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replied August 12th, 2007
My Opinon
I'm not the smartest or the most experienced person in the world...but i do know whats its like to suffer from depression. And in my experience i needed someone to talk to...but not someone close or not a professional because there is too much tension there and you think that you cant talk to that person about all this because they will judge you. I found somebody online that i could talk to and now we are great friends and I can talk about anything. I would recommend that he should try talking to a complete stranger about everything thats bothering him. It really helps.
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replied August 13th, 2007
Dear lu67: I think mak52 is on the right track. The basic idea is that your boyfriend needs someone to talk to who he does not have an emotional connection with at present. While talking to a randome computer person can help, this is fraught with risks since you don't know the qualifications of the person you are speaking to and you never know what such a relationship can eventually lead to.

The best suggestion is to encourage him to see a therapist for counseling. There is mental health stigma around this so reassure him you don't think he is crazy. But genetly let him know the changes you have noticed and how you think it would be best if he found someone to talk to and then start asking around for some names. If he refuses to see a counselor, pick him up a copy of the book "Feeling Good" by Burns. All the best to you and keep us posted.

Dominic A. Carone, Ph.D.
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