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Q: Need to Know What to Do... Pls Help
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maria_needs_advice
New User
I started dating the guy I am with (let's call him Sam) about a year and 1/2 ago. Against my better judgement we moved in together. He has been pretty straight forward from the beginning. He was fresh from a bad relationship and he wasn't sure where he was headed in life.
He is basically a good, responsible person. However, he seems self-centered on most occassions. Well, since we have been together a while I assumed (not good to assume) that he had at least some idea that he wanted to be with me. I noticed that he picks on me quite a bit about clothes, hair, make-up, etc..... It is like he doesn't like himself so, put me down.
Well, now the topper - by accident he advised me he had seen one of our friends on a "dating site". He looked like the "cat that ate the canary" because he knew what my response would be.... "why were you on a dating site?". I told him he is a grown man and is free to do what he wants but, a "dating site"? I mean he isn't exactly shopping for clothes or home products here. I just wanted one answer to the question "Why"? He said he was "just looking" and it "doesn't mean anything". To me - it means there is a problem and that he is not happy where he is at. I don't want to be blind-sided and one day he just up and leaves. I think I deserve a little honesty here. He is living in my house so, I can't just leave. I spent the night laying on the bed crying because I felt so powerless and confused.
My head is going in many directions. Did I overreact? Do I ask him to leave? Is this an indication of times to come? Do I keep pushing for answers?
He told me he was "sorry" and that he just wanted to "let it go now".
Am I right to think - "there is a problem here"? It is not like he broke my favorite dish or something. To me - this isn't something you just sweep under the rug.
I tend to be a bit dramatic..... so, I need help here. Am I going overboard? HELP Please!
P.S. He didn't sign up for a profile - but his screen name was to the effect of: "sam39andlookin4u"..................
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Replies(12)
Marfa2107
Extremely eHealthy
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maria_needs_advice
New User
Yes, it does help..... it eases my mind and I appreciate it... Thanks
I was just concerned because - he still seems he doesn't know what he wants in a relationship.
I don't want to waste another 2 years - can't relationships just be easy...
I was just concerned because - he still seems he doesn't know what he wants in a relationship.
I don't want to waste another 2 years - can't relationships just be easy...
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Marfa2107
Extremely eHealthy
no relationship is easy for a woman
we always get our emotions involved (including one night stands....lol)
ask him what he wants out of you all's relationship..
try communicating with him
letting him know what you want (maybe if you open up it'll ease his nerves)
just guessing
we always get our emotions involved (including one night stands....lol)
ask him what he wants out of you all's relationship..
try communicating with him
letting him know what you want (maybe if you open up it'll ease his nerves)
just guessing
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sillyakchick
Extremely eHealthy
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maria_needs_advice
New User
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Marfa2107
Extremely eHealthy
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maria_needs_advice
New User
Well, being totally honest here - I don't know that he doesn't feel that way about me. I do know that he (like me) has a hard time expressing himself because of being hurt in his past relationship. I think he is scared too.
It is like he goes through phases though... One minute he is saying - "we will probably get married in the future" and the next he is on dating sites...
UGH!
I really appreciate the advice...... I guess I will just ask him point blank - how do you feel about me? I will let him know it is important for me to know. If he avoids the issue or acts like he doesn't know then I am going to have to start looking at my options.
Thanks All! I really appreciate it....
It is like he goes through phases though... One minute he is saying - "we will probably get married in the future" and the next he is on dating sites...
UGH!
I really appreciate the advice...... I guess I will just ask him point blank - how do you feel about me? I will let him know it is important for me to know. If he avoids the issue or acts like he doesn't know then I am going to have to start looking at my options.
Thanks All! I really appreciate it....
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Marfa2107
Extremely eHealthy
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sillyakchick
Extremely eHealthy
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Yep, its time to tell this man to doo doo or get of the pot. I totally understand where you are coming from. Life is way too short to waste on some man who can't make up his mind. Girl, I bet I wasted 20 years! You need to make this guy sit down and tell you his honest gut feelings and what he sees for the future. This ,"I've been hurt, so I can't show you my feelings" BS is just that B.S. You are not responsible for his past bad relationship. He should be treating you with respect and show you he does care. This looking for dating service, I'm sorry, I know folks out htere will look for entertainment purposes, but this guy is looking just to see what else is out there...............If he were truely happy, he would be looking for house plans or romantic wedding locations. You've been together a year and a half. He's already been cutting you down and criticizing....do you think if he honestly loved you. he'd find faults openly??????Just want you to see this as I have............... 
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Birch
Extremely eHealthy
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childofgod777
New User
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