I have a problem where girls say to me, “I just want to be friends.” and then something goes wrong:

1. I met a girl at a party and we started exchanging emails. ( ) After a few weeks she wrote and said that she didn’t want to continue because she just wanted to be friends. (-) I said that’s all I want, too. She said she was relieved and we kept emailing. ( )

Then she said that she felt closer to me and that she had always thought of me as being “soft”, and that if I wanted things to change between us, “It’s you call.” Then she wrote that she loves me as a friend. ( ) So I wrote her that I loved her, too. Then she said we can’t continue because she just wants to be friends. (-)

Then she wrote and said that she meant only for now while she’s busy. ( )

2. I met a girl and we went out a few times. We both said how much we enjoyed it. ( ) But there was a problem and she didn’t want to continue. (-) I wrote her occasionally for a year but she never responded. Then I told her that I have always loved her a lot. Suddenly she wrote ( ) and said she didn’t want to continue with me because she just wants to be friends and I want more (-). I just wrote her that it’s ok if we’re just friends.

Can anybody explain why they keep saying this and how I can navigate through these land mines? It’s not that they really mean it - they go back and forth between being a friend and being almost a lover.