Dating Forum - 20 Years Old, Give Up?

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Q: 20 Years Old, Give Up?

asked by: SlimJim87 on August 5th, 2007

New User

my name is jim, im 20 years old from the U.S.A. Im scared that ill never find the right girl. my last few relationships made me realize that i might never get married or fall in love. in the past year ive had about 4 or 5 girlfriends. each only lasting about a month, the reason? i wont beat around the bush, i have a lazy eye. obviousally, the girls dont tell me thats why they break it off, but thats why. i found out it usually takes about a month for them to notice it... my left eye is 1.5 millimeters different than the right, and that 1.5 millimeters ruins my life. whats the first thing most girls notice about a guy? eyes. what do you do before you kiss? what do you do when you TALK to people? theres no way to hide it. no one knows what its like.

ill tell you guys about myself. I think i have many good qualities that you would think might kinda override the eye, but they dont. im told im a handsome fellow (before they notice the eye of course). Im a virgin, not really waiting for marrige, just the right girl. im not fat, i eat healthy, run, workout, play sports (could prolly model if not for the eye). i did lacrosse and track in HS. in college i did cross country and track, lettered in both. im a 2-time national qualifier in track, i medaled in regionals both years, and in nationals in 06 (5th best pole vaulter in the USA in divison III). my wall is covered with awards and stuff. I graduated college this year with an associates degree in Business, and im about to start workin on my bachlors. I dont live with my parents, i rent a house with friends. Im a really nice guy, but im not boring, im always flirty and playful with girls, and love kissing and cuddling, etc. Im really calm and laid back. i have a really good sense of humor, kinda sarcastic/dumb/dorky. I never cheated on a girl, and never would. The girls parents and friends always like me. I love kids and animals. I drink like once a month at most. Im not a total dork, but i dont go out every weekend like some of my alcoholic friends, and i never ditch a girl to go drink. I have a great paying job, i work around 15-25 hours a week, so i have time for friends and a girl and a life, but i still make $250-350 a week after taxes. Im really good with managing my money, i already paid for the 2 years of college i did. i have 2 cars (one is nice and ones a beater/backup, haha) i also have a bike, suzuki rf600 (very fast and rare crotch rocket) and i have around 8 grand in the bank. Im getting a student loan for this year to help with my credit, but to also save up so i can put a down payment on a house in a year or so. no help from parents or government by the way.

heres a few pics of me to give you an idea. its kinda hard to notice the eyes in them pics, but you can if you look close. its alot more noticable in real life. when i know a picture is being taken or something, theres things i can do to make it less noticable...

http://img50.imageshack.us/img50/8500/asss asasaaaaaaaaaaacb9.jpg
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/4461/aa aaaaaaaqi0.jpg
http://img379.imageshack.us/img379/2503/ga yyyyuikhgkuda0.jpg
http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/9359/im gp0529tu4.jpg

basically, i know that there are not many girls right now that would be okay with my eye. why would they wanna go out with me when the other 99.999% of guys have normal eyes? im not tryin to sound like a downer, its just how it is, i know from experience. when we get older, i know looks start to be less important, im wondering at about what age does that start? late 20s, early 30s? and for the younger girls, is there anything i could do to be able to date? or any other advice, help, etc would be great.

Replies(12)

young Girl

replied on August 5th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

dont rush it

let love find you :]

Anne123

replied on August 5th, 2007

Experienced User

Don't worry about it. 20 is still very young. Many people don't meet the love of their life until they're much older than you (but still young enough to have kids!). Just keep yourself open to meeting her, and you will. She's out there.

You sound like a great guy (and you're cute!). The eye may be a distraction at first, but it's really not a big deal (I have an aunt with a very lazy eye, so I know). Think of your eye as a dumb/shallow woman detector. It helps you screen out the idiots who are shallow.

Every single person has physical imperfections, it's a fact of life.

P.S. After dating a few idiots I wondered too if I would ever meet that perfect guy. I met him when I was 22 and we got married when I was 24.... even still I was pretty young and still had plenty of time. Oh, and by the way my husband is very hairy, all over - chest, back, everything. I used to be grossed out by chesthair/backhair but it really doesn't matter. I fell in love with him, the person - and I love every part of him (even the hair).

Smile

SlimJim87

replied on August 6th, 2007

New User

thanks for the advice. id kill to just be hairy. if there was some way that i could lose an arm or a leg, and trade it for normal eyes, id do it in a heartbeat.. wouldnt think twice. im sure ill find somenoe someday, i dont care what age, i cant have kids anyway cause i did some research and the lazy eye can be passed through genes =(. id love to adopt though.

lately ive been thinking about getting a glass eye, i havnt really talked to my eye doctor or anything, does anyone know if they would do that? or would i need to have an accident or something. its prolly pretty expensive too. but eventually it would pay for itself because i would only need to buy half the amount of contact lenses. =D

paul995

replied on August 7th, 2007

Experienced User

jim, from the looks of it, you seem to be very depressed not finding the "right" girl for you. You're very successful in all aspects of life, except in love. You see, you can't rush things and let them happen in a flash. It'll come to you. You have to work for it though. Most girls, i believe, don't care about your eye, or any growth of some sort on your body. It's just lame not to commit with anyone just because of these things. I think you're a good guy, just looking for a girl. Don't look at it as a disadvantage, think you the totality of who you are and not what you look like. There will come a time that you'd be meeting the girl that you're looking for. good luck

nightangel73

replied on August 7th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

when you are older you will laugh at what you are thinking today. So what you are thinking is just part of you being young. So trust me 10 years from now you will think completetly different.

SlimJim87

replied on August 8th, 2007

New User

i feel like im tricking the girls that i date, since they never notice the eye right away. i used to think, "okay ill just get them to really like me, and then once they notice the eye, they wont care." well thats what i do, i have girls get obsessed with me, wanting to go on dates every night, calling 2-3 times a day, etc. then after a month or so, all of the sudden its over.

If i tell them right away, im sure they would just move to another guy, and wouldnt think twice. if i dont mention it, theyll eventually notice, break up, and then i just get hurt. i need to do something about the eye.

I could easily just turn into one of those A-hole guys. i could ride my crotch rocket around picking up girls (that thing is a babe magnet), go out, drink, party every weekend, one night stands, etc. i dont wanna be one of those A-holes but im tired of getting hurt, and i dont see a serious girlfriend being possible any time soon. i dont know what to do

s_kalb

replied on August 16th, 2007

Experienced User

SlimJim87 wrote:

I don't think your eye has anything to do with it.

I also have a lazy eye. Well not exactly lazy eye, let's say it degraded itself since I'm about 12. Since birth there's 3mm difference, blinded from start. Later the pupil closed on itself, the eye changed colour and it's continuing like that. From brown it became lighter, went to green and is becoming yellow. Some experts say it may become white within - 10 years. And yet I have never had any trouble with it.
Indeed, I was the one who had to make it noticed, but no one ever left me because of it, wether it's friends or girlfriends.

The last girlfriend I had broke up because in the end we found out we were defenately 2 different universes. My eye had nothing to do with it. If I were to think that the eye were actually a problem I'd be paranoid. I think the girls you have been with probably weren't much into you from the start, using your eye as an excuse to get off.

Anyway if it ever annoys you you can always buy coloured eye lenses.

I believe that girls aren't much into appareance the same way as guys are. Well okay, good looks is allways good, but I think girls aren't only looking for a symmetric posture. If the guy is friendly, confident and funny and does take care of himself (looks, clothes and style ; not chirurgical body changes) he has more chances to attract her than a handsome j***a**.

Soooo... your A-hole idea is going nowhere unless you enjoy it, wich I sincerely hope you don't.
You're p****d because of your lazy eye ? Blame it to your parents, but don't make innocent girls suffer from it.

Birch

replied on August 16th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

It's pretty clear you have self esteem issues, and they might be manifesting themselves in your relationships, and that is by far a greater turn off than a lazy eye.

I think it's just going to take time for you to get over this. Every tiny inperfection is always heightened in ourselves when we are younger-like the tiny zit we see as Mt. St. Helens, etc. As you get older you may get out of this phase, although still be self-conscious of your eye.

Work on the self esteem. Best of luck!

Fairy Godmother

replied on August 16th, 2007

Supporter

Fairy*Godmother just turned 50 and she thinks you are HOT Wink

....both eyes could be lazy! For real, if the girls you date are that shallow and can't see you for who you really are, they are not worth your time. I have yet to meet any 20 year old males who are as grounded as yourself. I am very proud of you for accomplishing so very much at such a young age. You have a good head on your shoulders and you a very nice to look at. There are women/girls out there who will accept you for YOU and not give a lazy eye a second though. You just might have to be patient until the right one comes along.........as for the crotch rocket, I feel a lot safer on my husbands 1700 RoadStar!!!!!!!!!!! I think any bike is a chick magnet! Good lucky Sweetheart! Cool

Apromisetomyself2

replied on August 30th, 2007

New User

You sound like a great guy. Even though you are twenty years old you have a lot of time in your life to enjoy it. Don't worry about your pass relationships because they can allow themselfs to affect your new ones.
Don't give up on trying to find love. Maybe right now isn't the right time but just go be yourself and have fun. Don't worry about your eye look just fine to me in my opinion. I don't think sometimes looks matter unless you have bad teeth or bad breathe! What matters is whats in the inside.
But thats besides the point don't let yourself worry so much about your eye. Your different and that what makes yourself YOU! Maybe that one special girl will come out soon.
Just don't rush yourself. Very Happy

SlimJim87

replied on September 3rd, 2007

New User

s_kalb wrote:

SlimJim87 wrote:

my eyes are the same color. if my eyes were different colors but both looked the same direction, that we be amazing, i wouldnt even wear colored lenses cause it wouldnt bother me.

no girl has ever said that the eye was the reason they broke up, but its obvious thats why they break it off. the last girl said that i was too cheap. she knew from the start that i was cheap, but knew i was fun and it didnt matter. she always thought it was funny and cute whenever i would do something cheap. (your prolly thinkin, "dude, maybe it got old and she just didnt want a cheap guy") take my word for it, being cheap didnt bother her. but thats the excuse she gave cause she didnt wanna hurt my feelings.

i know your all just thinking that -its such a tiny difference, hardly noticable, its one small part of me.- well first of all its more noticable in real life, but i literally think about it almost every minute of every day. whenever i see a human, i think "i gotta adjust and squint my lids to make it less noticable." im a waiter and goto college, so im around alot of people all of the time. sometimes i cant remember what people said because all im thinking about is the eye and making it less noticable. i was at a championship track meet once, and i missed an easy polevault jump cause i saw a newspaper photographer there getting ready to take my picture, so i was trying to adjust the eye and i wasnt concentrating. i have to multi-task every minute of every day, it makes school/work/life so much harder. literally the only time im not thinking about the eye is when im home and not around anyone (maybe 2 hours a day max), when im taking a test, watching tv alone, in the shower, or when playing poker with sunglasses on. thats the only time i feel normal.

kalb, are you serious that your not paranoid at all about it? how?

Mikolas

replied on October 11th, 2007

Active User, very eHealthy

Wow man, you are seriously letting this eye get to you. It's to a point where you made it a problem, not the eye being a problem. Seeing your extent of paranoia, I'm pretty sure you tossed what I just said right away because you see it as such a problem and that everybody notices it and thinks it is an issue but are trying to be nice and just never mention it or something. So your eye is 1.5 millimeters off. Ok, its not a good thing I suppose, but how shallow this seems before the thousands of other disorders/handicaps/deformity or just insecurities that countless people have. A lazy eye vs small crooked deformed arm, a lazy eye vs premature ejaculating 1.8 inch erection, a lazy eye vs amputation of both legs and permanently on the wheel chair, lazy eye vs schizophrenia disorder, lazy eye vs ______ you name it, there are tons more things that people would love to trade you their issue for your eye.

Heres a fact, s_kalb brushed on it. Women work psychologically different then guys in many ways. Especially when it comes to attraction. Men, for the most part, are very visually based and cannot change their perspective. Meaning for instance that once they view a girl as physically ugly, regardless of how sweet she is, to him, she is still ugly, nice, but ugly. Whether or not he will be kind to her, be her friend etc, psychological studies state that guys cannot really change their perspective on how women look, unless the woman has changed herself. Women however, bless them, can look at an "ugly" guy, know he is ugly, think ugh, he is ugly, etc, but if he has attractive qualities, they can quite easily convert his personality into his looks. Quite literally yes I do mean that they can look at an ugly guy, see that he is quite quite charming with words and really hilarious, and suddenly he seems a bit cuter then when they first met him.

You have let this one issue put you down too long. I actually feel a little annoyed in defense of those who have far more troubling matters then a lazy eye. I'm sorry if I'm pulling a Dr. Phil here, but you seem to have everything else save for this obsession over the flaw in your eye, there are far worse then that. Move on man.

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