I've been in a rocky marriage for 5 years and a half now. One of the main reasons why I think our marriage is so rocky is because my husband is never emotionally available. Whenever I'm feeling sad or worried about something, he would just ask me what is the problem, I'd tell him, then he'd reply non-empthatically in one sentence which invalidates my feelings somehow - like saying that I'm just being silly to think that way, I'm a silly woman, there's nothing to worry about, its a non-issue, etc.
After that, he'd just completely shut off from me about the issue, refusing to have any more discussion about it - he'd laze there on the couch watching the TV. All this, even when I have valid points to raise to him. He NEVER ever wants to have a good talk with me in private. It always HAS to be done with me sitting there trying to discuss something with him or raise an issue I'm worried/feel sad about, and him lying there on the couch in front of the TV watching TV at the same time as "listening" to me.
If I feel the issue is of importance to me and I want him to really listen to me with full attention, and I ask him if he wants to go into the room and had a talk with me, he'd either say no or he'd get up slowly and grudgingly, and then go to the room, and after maybe listening to me the first few sentences and then replying in a few non-empathic, dismissing sentences, he'd get up and leave the room within 3 minutes and then absolutely refuse to have any more discussion about it again.

Its not that I think I'm full of importance and demand to be heard. I am just looking for a bit of emotional reassurance from him if I'm worried/upset about something, a bit of empathy, if you like.
He's worse than my friends because if I go to my friends, they will always validate my feelings and answer my worries and they are never dismissive about it.

Whatever happened to the marriage vows of showing support for each other in times of need, etc? My husband is emotionally cut off from me most times and is only interested in helping out in practical aspects of the marriage like helping to do some housework, bringing in money to help support family, going down to the shops to buy groceries we need, cooking. All those things he's very happy to help out with.

My mum keeps telling me my husband isn't that bad because he always insists on cooking for everyone (he says he does it because he thinks my cooking is not very good and because I am not a fast cooker and he doesn't like having to wait for his food)... and also she thinks he's great because he actually helps out with housework ... and she thinks he's good because he earns a lot of money at work and always gives a lot of it back to the family. I know compared to my own dad, my husband is much better because my own dad was a very conservative, traditional man who treated my mum like a subordinate and never cooks/cleans/wants to take care of the emotional side of things in the relationship.

But in this day and age, I just don't think my husband is that great?? Not only is he emotionally distant and seldom talks much to me about his own feelings about things - hence leaving me to do all the guesswork and mind-reading, which can be disastrously wrong - he's also very stingy towards me and never buys presents for me or gives me any spending money. Whenever it comes to grocery shopping or when I need to go shop for clothes for myself or the kids, he always insists on tagging along and footing the bill instead of giving me money to contribute towards the shopping and letting me go grocery shopping on my own. He wants complete control over how his money is spent and everything. I've given up my career when I had my first child and have been a stay-at-home mum for the past 5 years looking after two children. I intend to go back to work when my youngest reaches 3. Previously when we had no children and I was working and earning a regular income, my husband never interferes in the way I choose to spend my own hard-earned cash. But if I ever have to depend on him financially, like since I became a stay at home mum, he would get very controlling about what I spend the money on and refuses to let me make decisions on spending unless I ask him for approval.

But he's not that nasty... he always calls me up during lunch break to say "hi" to me, to ask "Hi, how's things at home? Everything okay?" in a gentle voice. ALWAYS. It drives me mad. Why is he acting so nice during work? I could actually tell him any issues I have with the landlords, etc... and he would listen very carefully and give me some reassuring replies to help, and if I told him we were out of milk or something at home, he would always say "Alright, I'll stop by the shop before coming home to get those things. Is there anything else you need?" But whenever he comes home he's a pain in the butt for me to live with. I get the feeling he just doesn't want all the emotional hassle of the marriage - he doesn't want to get involved with the emotional side of things. He doesn't like any sort of negativity, sadness or worrying coming from me about anything, because if I show those aspects of myself, he instantly switches off and becomes like he doesn't want to hear anything about it.


Does any of you think this sort of relationship is actually normal and that I'm making a big fuss out of nothing?