Ok firstly im only 15 and ive not had much more experience than you. But heres 1 way. Get to know a couple of girls as friends, just cool friends, don't talk to them thinking "oo I wana pull her" just talk to them cool, as you would normally (its nice if your with a friend and your jus chattin on and on whilst havin a pint or two) then, get the MSN address (or w/e, maybe not by askin it, but askin a friend if they know it or w/e), maybe their mobiile numbers, and text them, stay as a friend etc. etc., that way you start to get loadsa friends that are girls etc. Then if you decide you like one, you can start flirtin a bit by text etc. then start flirtin a little in person, and see how it progresses? Kinda get my drift? But don't get to attached to 1 girl. It hurts. End of.

For one so young, ownagesbot, you offer some very sage advice.

Here's my take:

I'm old enough to be your mom (I'm 50) so maybe I can give you my perspective from the "other side of the bridge".

So you've never had a romantic relationship with a woman by age 20. Don't know if you're lucky (you haven't had a breakup yet) or you're unlucky (you haven't had a breakup yet).

When I was in secondary school I was "one of the boys"--just about all my friends were male and my interests were more male-oriented (I didn't like to dress up and play those stupid mind games girls seemed to enjoy). That ended up being a double-edged sword. I really liked a couple of them but, according to the unwritten rules, I couldn't declare my feelings for them and I had to be their shoulder to cry on. What a killer, especially when I was mad for a couple of them and had to listen to their girlfriend stories. I absolutely died inside.

I didn't start seeing someone until I was in uni, my second year. My first "True Love" and my first tremendous heartbreak (and valuable lessons learned).

What are you looking for in a relationship? *Any* kind of relationship has to have a basis of friendship, otherwise everything stops dead. Are you going after all the lookers? The ones in the "first row"? It's entirely possible that there is someone up a few rows that's just dying for you to catch her eye. She's probably in the same boat you're in but can't bring herself to get up the nerve to talk to you.

Since you're still in uni, is there an organization or a club that interests you that you might join? Maybe you're in class and can organize a study group that will include both men and women. At least you'll have something in common with them (either the organization or the study group).

I know what you mean by panic attacks--I still get them when I see someone who turns my head (I'm married and would never act on these). I usually end up saying the first thing that comes into my head--why does that always end up being something realllllly dumb?

It sounds like you have a self-defeating sense of self (I'm not a mental health professional!). It's easier to tell yourself that you'll just blow it if you walk up to a girl and when it does you have this sense of satisfaction that you were right--you are a failure with women. It's a great way of avoiding risk and getting your heart broken.

Why psych yourself out? Do you have low self-esteem? I know I do, have had it all my life. But why? You're obviously smart to be in uni and are very caring, and your friends think you have a great personality. Isn't it odd the way we see ourselves and the way others see us? (Sorry for the rambling)

You have the power to change your life--you need to break out of this chasm that you've lowered yourself into. But how? The walls are so slick and so high! My friend, you have to make yourself take the first step. Perhaps talking to a mental health professional might assist you in the anxiety/panic attack department. Maybe an antianxiety med could help you get out of the deep and allow you to focus on things you like about yourself. You have to like yourself first before you can like other people.

Don't know what else to say, but do keep posting and good luck.

i completely forgot i wrote this thing a year ago. i just stumbled upon it.
my life still sucks by the way. I've finally worked up the courage to ask out a few girls, but the same thing happens everytime. We make a set time when/where we'll go out and when the time comes they a) dont return my calls or b) make up some half-assed ecsuse.
life sucks balls.
i still wish i was dead.

JKroeg, having a problem like this is very similar to having to go to the ‘little boy’s room’. People can give you great advice: ‘second door to the left, lift the lid, release, shake twice (any more than that is considered playing) and mind the zipper on the way up’. But nobody can actually do something about the problem but you. YOU need to build your self esteem in order to get the confidence to ask a girl out, and not get demotivated when a girl is not interested.
If it involves something cheesy like stumbling to the mirror first thing in the morning unshaven with dragon breath and saying: ‘Hi, Gorgeous! Let me give you a great big hug’ – do it! If it involves going to the gym and getting your body in shape to boost your self confidence – do it. Whatever it takes – do it.

Why not ask one of your friends’ girlfriends to get one of their single friends to go out with you (in a group) so you can get to know her better without the pressure of having to keep the conversation going?

I just turned 19 and like you, I am college. I've never had a gf, and I couldn't be happier. Girls your age are looking for 1 of 2 kinds of guys:

1) Weak guys they can take advantage of

2) Gys who would take advantage of them.

You seem like a nice fellow, so I would put you in category 1. But you wouldn't want to be that guy, would you? (Unless you're really that desparate) Wait a few years, when you're older and out of school and have a good job and your own place. Not only will you be more mature, but the girls you date will be mature as well.

And all those stupid girls that go to your school will have long dumped their boyfriends after and become more lonely and more miserable than you are now. Once you leave school and enter the real world, the fact that you've never dated before will seem trivial and irrelevant now that you're all adults.