Self Harm ...

I am now in my late 30s. Have been self-harming since I was 13. The longest gap I remember has been about 2 years. It goes in phases. I used to do it little and often, especially as a result of rejection. Then I did something pretty serious and although my doctor sent me home after 20 stitches, another temporary doctor (young doctor, just qualified) freeked out and had me committed. As a mother, being hand-cuffed and taken in a police car and having every thing taken from you ... left me with post traumatic stress disorder. They let me out after about 9 hours, saying they made a mistake and I was not suicidal. I was told by my other half that I would be on my own if I did it again ... leaving me with few coping mechanisms. Of course, I did it again .. but stitched myself that time. In 4 years, he has never noticed the huge scar. As time goes on I eat increasingly, although I am not really over-weight. I cannot throw up to manage the guilt, and the discontent is weighing heavy. I don't eat at the moment of sadness ... it's just that I try not to eat and get over hungry and cannot stop. So, a couple of ridiculous meals of odd food types fill me up. Can't be good for me. I am an attractive woman, highly community involved. Getting desperate to find a way to manage this. Started cutting again last week. Of course, it was noticed, but the lies were free-flowing and the questions went away. Are there any adult harmers/cutters out there? Please do not email, reply to this posted if you want.

I should add that i continue to fill my day ridiculously full of stuff ... even though I don't work. I feel like a high functioning depressive who fills their day with crap so that there's never a chance to think.

tzt