Depression Forum - I'm a Monster, I Wish I Wasn't.

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Q: I'm a Monster, I Wish I Wasn't.

asked by: Kureji on July 29th, 2007

New User

I'm 17 and about to enter my senior year of high school, I'm a guy and I've never been pretty.. ever.. I've had cousins randomly tell me when staring at me for a second, "You're ugly." just plain and simple, and it's true! I know there are pretty people who just got told the wrong things and they feel they're ugly, but I AM ACTUALLY HIDEOUS! I look deformed! My head is big, my eyes are beady and not beautiful at all, my lips are thick. My lack of confidence has made me over eat, but I'm fixing it now so don't worry about that, but currently I'm fat-ish. I have long brown hair so I could try to cover how big my head is, but then people just say "You have a big head, and look like a girl.. a really ugly girl." I mean it's staggering how much people tease me for my looks! It really happens alot! And I don't know what to do. Every day at school my friends (yes, my friends.. they're only my friends because I joke about myself to make them laugh, they don't care about anything else but I can't get any other friends.) And everyone else always make fun and joke about my looks, I look at people in public and think to myself, "I'm sorry you have to see me, I won't be out long." And I try to avoid being out in public as long as possible. Sad

I used to have confidence, or at least I tricked myself into thinking I did. I'm ugly, plain and simple, there's no beautiful feature about me. I've heard and read all the things saying, "Beauty isn't everything, you're the way you are because you are the way you are." But that doesn't cut it, my looks are going to torment me forever, and I'm never going to get married, or give my parents grandkids like they wanted, or even really be able to do anything social. I'm doomed to stay in the dark (which I'm starting to feel comfortable with) for the rest of my ugly life. I don't even know why keep on, what would I have to contribute to the world if I decided that I should stay living? My friends made a joke and told me to go to a site called darwindating.com and try to register, turns out it was a dating site for only pretty people and it pretty much told me that since I'm ugly I should die since I'm only dragging the human race down. So now I feel like I'm destined for nothing but death. Sad

I'm depressed, and sad, and ugly, and I don't know why I should keep going. I don't know why I was brought into the world, I don't know why everyone in my family calls me ugly and just doesn't disown me like I know they want to. It feels like I was made only for other people to feel better about myself, seriously, put me besides anyone and they look a lot better by comparison. I don't have real friends.. just people who decide that they'll hang around me so they can make a few jokes and feel better about themself. Sad

I've gotten nervous habits from this and tear and shred my nails up, which just makes me even uglier. I'm working on fixing it though too, it's just a habit I'd had from childhood. I've never known real happiness, I've been depressed my entire life and I really don't know why I should continue, I'm just an eye sore. Sad

Replies(11)

twilight_mist

replied on July 29th, 2007

New User

First of all: If anyone's a monster, it's the people saying you're ugly.
Second: Annyone over the age of... three? knows pretty much how to talk to others without deliberatly hurting them - so your "friends" and family certinally don't show much maturity.

I know how it is to feel ugly, but you seem to feel terrible. Is there no one you can talk to withut them beeing nasty to you?

We are living in a world where the media makes our young ones believe that looks are everything and that it can get you anywhere. - They are WRONG. Trust me. True friends won't care how you look. I'd way rather talk to someone "ugly" and interesting than someone "sexy" and selfish/ arrogant ...

Do not let theese people make you do things you'll regret, and try not to let their words get to you. - They are unable to see any further than the tip of their nose.

Hang in there, and have faith in yourself.

ripmyheart

replied on July 30th, 2007

New User

Hi Kureji

I think the most unfortunate thing in the world is how people objectify one's looks. And trust me, even the so called 'beautiful' people have their share of negative criticism.

I'm thin, wheatish complexion, big eyes blah blah. Very ugly in my opinion. When i was a kid, my parents told me i was ugly. In my childhood i was never noticed. And then when i turned 13, most men started noticing me. And for a split second i was happy. And then it turns out, i'm beautiful enough only for someone to sleep with. Atleast that's what i was told at home. And for the rest of my life-- i've told myself i'm the most loathsome thing to walk on the planet. And if any man says i'm hot, its a whole lot of crap-he either wants to sleep with me or feels sorry for me and wants to be nice, which is just as aggravating.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how others perceive you. If you can't be Ok with how you are, nothing can get you out of this. And trust me, it only sucks you lower as time passes.

Next time, someone says, ugly, ask yourself, by whose standards. If the answer is, in the eyes of your peers. TRUST me, its a non-issue.

If you still think you're ugly, ask yourself why it matters. think about it and you'll realise that it doesn't fetch you anything. Do you really want to marry someone/have friends/be around people who want to be with you for your looks.

I asked myself that question. So now, even though i think i'm ugly i tell myself that it could've been worse, and there are 'uglier' sides of me. So i don't really bother about the way i look.

george-christodoulou

replied on July 30th, 2007

New User

It's hard being a young person in school and being "ugly".

I don't know you and i don't know what you look like, but I don't think there are any ugly people...

I'm not great looking either.... I have HUGE eyebrows... I have a big forehead...strange curly hair... Im really skinny and white...

But that stuff doesn't bother me. When I was in high school and junior high...it was not fun... but I had confidence anyway. I never got picked on because I always stood my ground... I got made fun of once and I pummeled the kid into the ground... got suspended, but it was soooo worth it!

When I got to highschool, I grew out my hair and I looked better. I stayed confident. I still don't think I look great... but I was able get a girlfriend that I have been going out with for 3 years now...

And do you know how we met? I didn't even ask her out. In highschool she asked me out... but not for my looks... she said she loved the way I spoke in class and I was pretty athletic back then, so she watched me in gym Smile

Now Im in college and looks matter MUCH LESS. With a personality that gathers attention, interests people, or stimulates minds, you will succeed.

Stick in there man... please stay positive and you will watch things turn around.

Kureji

replied on July 31st, 2007

New User

Thanks guys, this has helped me a lot. I've been trying some positive ways of "carrying" yourself and I've noticed some strange improvements to the way people look at me. People actually are the ones who start conversations with me now and I guess it's because I'm trying to not look so sad and depressed all the time. I still don't think I'm the best looking guy ever, but I've started to think that I may of benefited from my isolation of the general crowd in school. Most people at my school are rough and are angered easy, where I've NEVER gotten in a fight nor even been on the verge of one, I've always been nice to people no matter how they treated me. Hopefully I'll continue to go in the positive direction, and seeing as I'm a senior, all this talk about how college is sounds pretty good. Maybe once I graduate all this bad history will be just that, history. Hopefully at least, I don't care if I get a girlfriend or not, I just want to look like I belong with other human beings and that maybe I'll be able to get a friend or two. Laughing

george-christodoulou

replied on July 31st, 2007

New User

There you go, keep an attitude like that and you will be fine.

And yea, your already a senior so you should be fine lad Smile

Thanks,

George

sanjayk

replied on July 31st, 2007

New User

Always Concentrate What You Can Do For Others !!

I would suggest that you start concentrating WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR OTHERS, YOUR COMMUNITY,YOUR CLASS, YOUR FRIENDS and you will find in no time everybody loving you for what you have done for them.

You will find THAT YOU ARE VALUEABLE which is going to change your thinking and your old thoughts of uglyness will seem very very petty. Check out the Affirmations by Peggy Mchole.

sanjay

j_j89

replied on July 31st, 2007

New User

hey there, its really awesome that things are turning around for you. I have read many posts on this forum, and yours have affected me the most. Your last post really made my day. Theres nothing better than a person feeling better and having a better outlook on life. Whenever you begin to look inwards and find what is special about you and what is working for you, it will show just about immediately in your attitude/confidence, and appearance. The more that you look inside of yourself and pull out what is great, you will become great in every aspect. If you do something as little as get a new haircut, new scent, glasses maybe and wear a smile, you are set. Smile being the largest, if you smile it really does something special for you and those that you come in contact with you. If you radiate goodness often you will get it back. Now as for those "health questions" (love how this forum edits profanity), they are the ones you don't need to worry about. Life will take care of them, and oh boy will life take care of them well. Those that put out negativity, harsh negativity, will get what is coming to them. When they are awful to you, remember that THEY WILL GET THEIRS. This is not a mean or negative way to think in my opinion, it just supports a noticeable fact, you get what you put out and often in equal proportions. You living a good, wonderful, successful life will bring you above everyone who is trying to get you down. When you get to that great day, you will see how great you really are and what you have become. Be proud of yourself that you have not given up thus far, you have taken the negative and you are turning that around. As for the estrogen issues that may arise, i have noticed that many women and people in general are attracted to a healthy level of confidence. Everyone is not focused on looks entirely, often times in my opinion it is those little imperfections that make a person truly beautiful and unique. High school is nothing more than a daycare with a few more adult issues added to the mix. College is where you will begin to find you. Stay well, i wish you the best.

bloodsinger151

replied on August 16th, 2007

New User

I don't know what you look like, but look at it this way: even if you are, so what? Let's say for the sake of argument that your self assessment is 100% dead on. You're ugly. Fine. You know what? That's everyone else's problem. medical question everyone else if they judge you for it. You need to think: Yeah, I'm ugly... you got a problem with it? As long as you are clean and dressed decently, no one has any right to give you caca for it.

Yes, you're in high school. I'm sure it's hell, and I'm sure that you're in a big school where all the lil groups don't have to mix and play nice. If you can't find a group or club or interest or whatever, don't worry about it. The best thing about high school is the end. Then you can choose who you see afterwards, if at all.

Seriously... In a sick way, you have a gift: the ability to screen all the superficial assholes out of your friends.

streethawk

replied on August 16th, 2007

New User

hi khureji!

I dont know about you.But the way ur friends act towards you is bad.but that doesn't men ur ugly! you need to stop listening the crap from ur friends.may dont have friends if they behave like this see God made you for a reason! Though its said " Man is created to know his creator" . if you belive in God then start listening to some discourses and you feel really very light and happy.

And believe me no one is perfect. even i have a big head. but that ok. u get ur hairs shortened that way your head wont look that big.

believe in ur self see more than anything people are ruining ur confidence!! so u gotta get out of it!

Now u should have a attitude and confidence!
And please stop talking about death!! that is the biggest crime any one can do to ur self.

Disabledloser

replied on November 24th, 2009

New User

Disabled Loser

I'm much worse than anyone when it comes to looks. I'm disabled. Everyone stares at me non-stop. "Everyone" points and stares at me. I have a million friends but not even one real friend. I'm skinny... I mean skin and bones skinny. 90 lbs and I'm 28. No muscles. College was better than high school but now people are just nice to be nice. I can't get a girlfriend for the life of me. I'm completely ugly and getting uglier as time goes on. I'm in a wheelchair and I find myself completely pathetic that I fall for a girl if she so much as says "hi" to me. Believe me, a great/loving personality barely gets you anywhere. I'm ugly, deformed and there's nothing I can do to make it better. I want to die but I'm too scared to die. So I just continue my pathetic life and hope God takes me soon. I don't think one person knows who I am. Not even God talks to me. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up before my heart just stops.

Foundpeace

replied on November 25th, 2009

New User

RE:Disabled Loser

God knows the pain you are going through, why God doesn't help you,,, I think God has, I think God has helped all of us. I think we have been provided the tools we need to have a happy life, however I think it's a rare person who knows how to use these tools.
Life isn't fair, not even close. There are people who have nothing but luck all their life(or so it seems). And then there are people like you and me, who can't seem to catch a break.
I am over 50 now, and never thought I was good looking, never had a women come on to me or ask me out. I was told I was ugly by a few people, but I did my best to ignore them, so I did have a few women in my life, because I was persisted.
Because I was lonely and was willing to just take anything, it never worked out. However because of that, I can tell you that nothing is worst or more lonely than a women who just uses you, and then throws you away.
But that's ok, because I was fortunate enough to figure out that another person can't make me happy, that is something I, and everyone else has to find out, or find within themselves'.
I am financially successful in my life now, so money isn't an issue for me, but I'm still not happy, and I know, I never will be. But I have accepted my position that I am, will be, and will die alone, so I think I have found peace in my own way.
I'm sorry you have it harder being disable, but remember, you are not pathetic just because you want to be loved, and ugly is just a state of mind.
No matter how it may seem, God is with you, I think all of us, just have to find our own peace.

Take Care.

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