I'm 19. As a kid i abused physically and
verbally at home. I had a string of broken
relationships. I joined college but left
it mid way. I fell in love with someone
and ran away to be with him. but none of
it works out. Every person i meet, every
moment i live, everything i do makes me
feel like the lowest form on this earth.
There's so much angst filled inside me and
i don't know how to let go. I don't even
know if i'll be able to. I've now
developed a mistrust of everything. I'm
convinced that everything in life is
short-lived. I try to distract myself--but
there seems to be nothing that can
interest me. I feel really suicidal and
always feel like i have to run away from
the world i live in. I cry everyday, all
the time. I don't know if anybody can
help. I guess, I'm just ranting.
|
KNB89
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007 Posts: 31
Posted: 07-28-07 00:07am
I kind of feel the same way. I have an
embarrassing runnning away story about
"love" which I dont really want to say,
but i know how you feel. I've been in a
downward slump for the last three years. I
think i might go see a doctor.. you might
want to, to. I don't know how serious you
are, but the last two nights i've kinda
thought about suicide. I've looked down
the barrel of a gun before but it scared
the s**t outta me. I hope you don't do
anything drastic and just know your not
the only one that feels this way. Sorry
i'm probably not the biggest help but keep
fighting.. i'm trying to also
I have been there too. I was abused
physically and mentally and by some men in
my passed sexually as well. I have a hard
time trusting, letting people in. I see a
physicalogist every three weeks or sooner
if need to.
What you are feeling is quit normal even
the suicide part. But with that I need you
to contract with me that before you try
anything like that you contact me at call
collect if have to email me here am also
sending you my other info htrough PM if
you are or have taken anything call 911
and get to hospital as you are special and
God made you for something special in this
world!!!!!!
taykare going to private mssage you now!
|
Kureji
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 14 Location: TN
Posted: 07-29-07 00:54am
I feel I was born depressed, never knowing
the feel of someone loving you, picked on
like a circus freak my entire life because
of how I look and how I act. My best
advice that's kept me border line sane is
this, try your best to look on the
brightest possible aspect of things. Make
a joke to yourself every now and then to
keep your spirits up. If it weren't for
those two things, I would of ended my life
a long time ago..
|
ripmyheart
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 07-30-07 11:10am
@KNB89 I know that feeling. I don't know
about using a gun. But i've slashed my
wrists many times in the past. But these
days, i make them bleed just enough to
feel pain and not really to kill me. And
the occurence of this has gone down. Not
that i feel any better than ever. Its just
that i don't think anybody in the world is
worth the life that i'd give up. If
anything it probably means that they
suceeded in making me feel like trash. If
i can't avoid feeling it, i might atleast
avoid showing it. I just want to run away
from everything. I've gone through 7 years
of pain and abuse with everybody telling
me i was useless. Now, even if someone
tells me something positive, i mistrust
them. i hope you have better luck with
your life.
@taykare. Thanks for your post/message. I
live in India, where in most places,
except the major cities, its hard to talk
to a professional about depression. Plus,
i don't think i can get myself to talk to
anyone and open up without fearing that
i'll look like a complete fool.
@Kureji. Its so hard to smile at anything.
To even get my mind off the pain seems
unimaginable. A joke seems such a distant
thought. But thanks for the advice anyway.
my dear you are scaring me I do not want
to see anything happen to you. You need to
get out of that relationship any change of
leaving the country. You could apply for
refugee status. You are 19 God mad you
for a very special reason and if no one
else loves He does no matter what you do
call on HImand he will help you all you
have to do is ask him too deliver you from
this pain. Please do not hurt yourself. I
have a friend that was from india and have
some idea of how trapped you are. Are you
married? Arranged? does his mother and
family live withyou as well?
All I can say is I care and if you can not
talk to a counsellor you can talk to me or
any other supporter or volenteer. We are
ALL here for you and to support you all
though none of us are doctors or
councellors. We can be here to listen and
care for you.
((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
why don't you try giving yourself a hug.
It will make you feel better. take your
arms and wrap them around you and squeeze.
I know I enjoy that.
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This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
