Everyone needs a laugh today! These are good. Joy



Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words
back or that you could crawl into a hole ?



*I was at the golf store

comparing different kinds

of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type

I had been using. After browsing for

several minutes, I was approached

by one of the good- looking gentlemen

who works at the store. He asked if

he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him

and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."





*My sister and I were at the mall and passed

by a store that sold a variety of candy

and nuts. As we were looking at

the display case, the boy behind

the counter asked if we needed

any help. I replied,

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically,

the boy grinned, and I turned

beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never

let me forget.





*Have you ever asked your child

a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot

of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell

for a quick lunch in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining

room. While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked my

seven-month-old daughter,

and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not

asked to go potty in a while,

so I asked him if he needed to go,

and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child

has had an accident, and I don't

have any clothes with me."

Then I said,

"Danny, are you SURE you didn't

have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that

he must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time,

"Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up,

yanked down his pants, bent over

and spread his cheeks and yelled.

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to

death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and

sat down.

An old couple made me feel better

by thanking me for the best laugh

they'd ever had!




*This had most of the state of

Michigan laughing for 2 days

and a very embarrassed female

news anchor who will, in the future,

likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict

snow but don't get any?

A true story. We had a female

news anchor who, the day after

it was supposed to have snowed

and didn't, turned to the

weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8
inches

you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave

the set, but half the crew did too!




While on a flight from New York ,

the Stewardess was busy passing

out peanuts and cokes to everyone.

There were about sixteen flights

lined up waiting to get clearance

to take off.

Then the other Stewardess got a

message from the Pilot that the

tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in

line to take off, and to have

everyone buckle up.

Without thinking she just announced

"Please buckle up, grab your drinks

and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".

No one saw her for the rest of the

flight to Houston, and all the other

Stewardesses were laughing

all the way and so were half of

the passengers.