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Feel Lonely And Empty

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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Feel Lonely And Empty
Posted: 07-26-07 00:11am

Hi my names Kevin and i'm 17,

I've been confronted by my parents and some other adults to see professionals about this because they think I seem suicidal, which is kind of true, but I'm one those people who likes to fix things by themselves and not open up to much. So i figure this would be a good place to let out to random people.
So this is pretty much whats going on. I'm 17, play varsity football and wrestling, and have no friends or a social life. Never had a girlfriend, hell never even kissed a girl. I kinda feel like a big loser. My life consists of going to practice, to work, and back home. I don't really ever talk to anyone outside of sports or work.
I think to myself what is the point of life? Is this all their is? Work and Sleep. I never really have fun anymore, so sometimes I just want to end it. I feel like a drone just going through days with nothing to look forward to. I keep hoping things will get better, but its just been going downhill for the last three years.
Growing up I was the fat kid and going into my freshman year I weighed 240 pounds and was just a lazy kid. Now I'm 195 going into my senior year and am athletic. Everyone always tells me I'm not fat anymore, but when I look in the mirror i still see that same person who I hate. I still have a little belly because I'm a big guy. Overall my self image is just shot and i feel like a gross lookin guy.

So can someone give me a good reason to keep going on. Right now all I'm workin with is my shitty dishwashing job and a school i resent. I have no one but my parents, which I guess should be enough, but I can't remember the last time someone called me to do something. I mean hell I looked down the barrel of an unloaded gun about six months ago. I got rid of the ammo I had for it cause I thought I might do something drastic, but it really seems like nothing good is coming in the near future. I could go on more but i think you guys get the point =/

*lol sorry for the sad looking emo picture. Only one i could find at the moment
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Aryeani

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 128
Location: Edinburg, Texas, United States

Posted: 07-26-07 02:57am

Hey Kevin,

I'm not really sure what's wrong, so I'm just offering support and a hug. It sounds like you may be a little overwhelmed. Life isn't just work and sleep. I'm 18 and have a job so I know where you're coming from there. But, we're still young. There's so much out there to do. Life is also about fun and enjoying yourself. You're in high school. You're a senior. Go out and have some fun when you can. Play a game, go to a movie. If you say you have no friends, start a conversation with someone at school. You never know where it may lead to. Just dont worry about what the person may think of you or whether or not they'll accept your conversation. If there are times where you feel like life is nothing but work, just stop what you're doing and take a deep breath and focus again. Don't let it take over you. If you're at home, just take the time to do something you like to do. I personally just lay down and listen to a favorite CD for a while. Anything to relax my mind for a little bit. You're still young. You can't let yourself get taken down. And remember, there's always something to look forward to if you look hard enough.

About your self-image issues, I have the same problem. So, I'll tell you what the people here told me: you look great. You just need to believe that you look good. There's nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and saying "Wow, I look good!". It sounds silly, but it's a little boost. And while it sounds a bit cliche, everyone's beautiful on the inside. So, don't worry about your appearance. You're fine the way you are. And who cares if you haven't had a girlfriend? That doesn't make you a loser at all. You're just waiting for Ms. Right. And good things happen to those who wait.

Finally, please do not think that suicide is the answer. You're 17 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you and I'll bet you have the potential to be something great. So, don't give up. If not for yourself, for your parents and the people around you that love you.

Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
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Russ66

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1

Posted: 07-26-07 03:46am

Kevin let me tell you something, when I was your age I was VERY like you. I had not had much contact with women.. I was scared to even really be myself around them. It's depressing as hell.. tell me about it. I'm sure your watching all your peers flirting around with girls... and you hear the stories.. but it's just not happening for you.

Let me give you some good news. Life gets A LOT better. I'm 20, finished high school and working - Life is very good! I've become a lot more comfortable with women and I'm living a more healthy life style.

I think you're doing alright - your working, getting exercise, doing reasonably academically.. Your "only "issue" is that you feel unsatisfied with your social life.

I know this is gonna sound like a load of BS - but waiting for a girlfriend is like waiting for Christmas.. the waiting is part of what makes it so special. Without all that waiting you wouldn't enjoy her as much as you will when you finally find her.

Now a little advice, when you see a girl you like.. don't be afraid to bite. Women enjoy attention, you don't have to be mr. smooth, or mr. smart, or mr. tough, just talk to her. Don't turn down a girl because you think she's too young for you.. or too old for you.. just do what makes you happy.

Women aren't that big on looks, my brother is a tubby ugly arrogant ass - but he gets lots of women, because he's confident and he can make them laugh Smile.

Your not a big Loser, and no I'm not sugar coating anything for you. I'm giving it to you how it is. Your really just feeling a bit down because it sucks not getting laid. It's alright tho - I guarantee - just keep living a healthy lifestyle and things will come naturally!

Honestly, it's much easier to ask a girl out then to kill yourself. Let me tell you something Kevin - you can ask out any girl you want Smile - there's no rules, no standards, nothing. You don't even half to know her name.

anyways.. there's really way to much your gonna learn over the next few years for me to try and explain. But I'm telling you one thing- IT GETS BETTER - KEEP TRYING.
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 07-26-07 20:21pm

Thanks for the kind words everyone. They kind of consoled me lol. Sometimes I just hit a slump and want to give up. Last night was one of em. I'll just keep going though. I really hope things get better =/
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Catcher

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 May 2007
Posts: 24

Posted: 07-26-07 20:44pm

Hey there man, I know exactly how you feel. My life is exatly how your is. WHen I'm at school I just sit there like an android and not talk to anyone. I then come home sit on the computer a couple of hours and go to sleep. I am so depressed I can't stand it anymore. I would kill myself but I can't hurt my parents, plus I at least think one day things could get better.

So keep thinking good thoughts and just wait till High School is over, then forget all about it and start a great new life man. Razz

Good luck in the future too.
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 07-26-07 22:14pm

ya man same exact daily stuff for me...
i dont understand though. i'm like friendly with almost everyone, but not friends with anyone. It just kinda hurts.. Sad
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tinkinpink84

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Joined: 11 Sep 2006
Posts: 5065
Location: , Germany
Thanks: 3
Thanked:6

Posted: 08-01-07 15:29pm

I just found your post, i woulda posted on mixing substances but that was locked. I know how you feel, i had no friends in highschool i had trust issues and stuff. junior yr wasnt that bad of a yr but senior yr was by far the worst, i went to school came home went to work. and that is what idid. same thing different day is all it was, i had no friends there, i really didnt want any they all seemed stuck up. Self image issues, well truthfully i was anorexic at the time i just didnt wanna tell myself i was or get help for it at the time . so i was more into my not eating and stuff to worry about friends or people for that matter, i was not and am not a mean person, im prob one of the most caring people ever, i love to help people and give advice if i can, im always here to listen and offer any advice if i can, been there done that kinda sorta thing, i used to cut, cant say im cured, but i havent cut since march. I tried to overdose on pain killers once, before i had kids that is , i was living at my sisters, i did have a bf but he seemed to care only about his games and computer and not me and my bills were a mess and my life just felt like an over all mess. but im glad that it didnt kill me otherwise iwouldnt be here now, 3 yrs later with a wonderful husband who is away at war at the moment and 2 beautiful kids and a dog. you cant see your future but i can promise it gets better.
im like you im not one to open up in person but i can write and write for days. maybe you can keep a journal of everything . You should really see a professional , even keep the journal and then bring it in, i was in therapy, and it helped although most of the time i sat quietly and shrugged my shoulders, eventually i opened up alittle more. they might even suggest trying antidepressants or something along those lines. hope your doing ok, if you ever need to talk you can feel free to PM me. i am on quite a bit since myt husband is gone so im here to listen
Diane
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Shorty123

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Location: United States

Posted: 08-01-07 20:28pm

i maybe only 13 but i know how you feel when i was in school its summer now i would just sit there i wouldnt talk to anyone and when i got home i would go to my room and just sit there my mothers a truck driver so i didnt see her much i would just sit in my room i wouldnt watch tv or play games i always had this feeling inside me it was like it just stayed there it felt horrible and then i started cutting to get rid of the feeling i thought of suicide but i just started cutting but dont start cutting its hard to stop and i hav to keep cutting deeper and deeper to get rid of this feeling you really should write your feelings down it does help or this might sound weird but go run i do it it helps keep my mind off of things just remeber there are people out there who know what you feel so bye
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 08-01-07 22:05pm

tinkinpink84 wrote:
i was not and am not a mean person, im prob one of the most caring people ever, i love to help people and give advice if i can

thats kinda how i am... sometimes i think i'm 2 nice lol
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young Girl

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Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 08-01-07 22:11pm

hey kev

lol you dont mind me calling you kev do you?
anyways

well. you play football and your athletic which is a plus
your a nice guys and apparently have a good head on your shoulders so thats another plus
youve opened uo and are trying to get help and not being stubborn and closed up like most boys are which is another plus
you have a job...plus plus plus

you have an A+ in my book hun
hope things get better for ya

Wink
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 08-02-07 00:25am

Liesss lol,
i've kinda just given up on girls haha
o well... Sad
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Aryeani

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 128
Location: Edinburg, Texas, United States

Posted: 08-02-07 02:22am

KNB89 wrote:
Liesss lol,
i've kinda just given up on girls haha
o well... Sad whatever f**k dem jewish american princesssss's at my school l


Who says she has to go to your school? There's more girls out there than just the ones we find in school. Sometimes it's even better that way. Just go out and look around. You'll find plenty of nice girls. That's how I met my bf. We both went to different high schools, but met outside of school and have been together for almost a year and a half now.
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tinkinpink84

Supporter
Joined: 11 Sep 2006
Posts: 5065
Location: , Germany
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Posted: 08-02-07 03:14am

KNB89 wrote:
tinkinpink84 wrote:
i was not and am not a mean person, im prob one of the most caring people ever, i love to help people and give advice if i can

thats kinda how i am... sometimes i think i'm 2 nice lol

yeah same here, my sister says i tend to let people walk all over me. but its hard to change that.
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everyday_struggle

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Posts: 304

Posted: 08-02-07 12:35pm

KNB89 wrote:
Liesss lol,
i've kinda just given up on girls haha
o well... Sad

kevin,
females are like animals (lol, no offense ladies) they can detect fear. You have got to build up that self confidence and smile at them. If you want a girl, keep doing what your doing as far as physical athletics is concerned (every girl just like every guy likes a nice body). Even though all girls are different they all want the same thing. A nice guy that takes good care of himself and has some kind of goals in his life(very important), also a guy that knows how to love. Because if you cant love yourself, how are you going to love her? Unfortuntely, life doesnt get better, it only gets harder, but not necessarily worse. I am a guy and ive been through what your going through, probably worse, because atleast you have a roof over your head and family around. I didnt. Id rather not discuss it in here but you can always pm me, if you need to clear your head.
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 08-03-07 22:22pm

i honestly just give up for real.
i used to be a christian, but am now an aethiest because god is a crule motherf**ker.
So I NEVER EVER get invited to do s**t right? Like I went to one baseball game during the summer and thats it really.
So like tuesday i was visiting colleges and i get invited to go see a movie with a ton of people. Lucky me I'm f**king six hours away in Pittsburgh. I woulda made back in time to if my mom hadn't made me visit the business school like 2 hours after the normal tour was over. I didnt even want to f**king go. We get back about 20 minutes from the time the movie started... fantastic.
Tonight I f**king am at work and get invited to go to a pool party type thing right? Well were supposed to leave at 9 and we were still puting out orders after f**king nine and i'm the motherf**cking dishwasher which means I'm there for a while. I literally went crazy at nine because I was gonna jet over to this kids house and hang out for a bit. I dont remember what happened at all between 9 and 9:25 i just kept thinking to myself God f**king sucks for doing this to me. 2 times in ONE WEEK which is more s**t then I've been invited to during the entire summer. I mean by the time i got to the kids house 3 people peaced right when I got there and everyone else left 30 minutes later. I honestly just give up.
Maybe I'm just crazy, I just got in a huge argument with my dad and literally said F**K you to him and ment it and when he told to apoligize I couldn't.
Life f**king sucks, or maybe I'm just a big baby but this has completely changed my view on god because he is one cruel motherf**ker.
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Magical Logic

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 2248

Posted: 08-03-07 22:28pm

life has its ups and downs.10 years from now you will look back and laugh about these things.

Its not god that is a cruel m*ther f*cker. Its just life sometimes.
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 08-03-07 22:34pm

ya well life has sucked for about the last three or so years and now this s**t happens? i give up
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Shorty123

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Location: United States

Posted: 08-04-07 21:12pm

kevin i use to be a christian to but like you i dont believe in him before a lot of crap has happened to me and i just quit believeing i know what youre going through
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KNB89

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

Posted: 08-04-07 22:16pm

i was being REALLY petty when i wrote that last post...
i don't know life really does just suck sometimes though
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