Self Injury Forum - Girlfriend Is a Cutter, How to Cope ?

Gaz2007

replied on July 23rd, 2007

New User

Maybe this will help?

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/selfharm/y5.p hp

|

The Ginger 1

replied on July 23rd, 2007

Supporter

Hi Bob

I can tell by what you write, tha you really love your girlfriend and want to desperately help her., when she gets expert treatment, you got to carry on giving her loads of strong support.. Self Harmers have underlying problems that have not surfaced to the outside world, as they remain deep in her sub-consious, she is punishing herself for something that is in the past, so any problem during the day, be it really small, she blames herself for, hence the punishing. She does need treatment from experts, and she needs you to be strong and supportive, and cast no blame.
She'll work it out, with the help, love and support given to her.

I wish you both well, and the support to you both.

Ginger

|

Bob101

replied on July 27th, 2007

New User

Ginger,

Thanks for the advice. You make a lot of sense.

The first time she started cutting was at the end of a marriage that ended about six years ago. She was raised Catholic, and IMHO, the divorce has carried a lot of guilt for her, hence the cutting. I don't believe she's punishing herself for the divorce still, but when she sinks into a deep depression (about any number of things), it somehow is triggering the cutting behavior. Any thoughts?

|

The Ginger 1

replied on July 28th, 2007

Supporter

Bob101 wrote:

Ginger,

Thanks for the advice. You make a lot of sense.

The first time she started cutting was at the end of a marriage that ended about six years ago. She was raised Catholic, and IMHO, the divorce has carried a lot of guilt for her, hence the cutting. I don't believe she's punishing herself for the divorce still, but when she sinks into a deep depression (about any number of things), it somehow is triggering the cutting behavior. Any thoughts?

The poor lady ... it was a terrible time in her life, although she got out of a marrige, which although I don't know the full extent to what and why it ended, she also feels a failiure, again, this may trigger things off, she is punishing herself for a deep emotion. To fail at this has made her feel so low, that she has to punish herself for it ... does this make any sence.. she needs to be reassured that IT WASN'T HER FAILING ... her Ex had something to do with the divorce too ...
I hope this has helped, and keep me posted ..
Ginger

|

stormyf2

replied on July 28th, 2007

Supporter

my 2 cents...i was a cutter, i cut to feel different pain, other than emotional pain, the pain from the cut was like a release for me. it felt good to cut, to bleed, to know i could still feel!: although i still think of doing it from time to time , i to have a wonderful man in my life that stands by me, and i got help, and when i get weak i tell and we work on it together, the best thing is talking to someone, and medication.....although some people dont like that part, its sometimes needed!! wish the best to you both.

|

The Ginger 1

replied on July 28th, 2007

Supporter

stormyf2 wrote:

my 2 cents...i was a cutter, i cut to feel different pain, other than emotional pain, the pain from the cut was like a release for me. it felt good to cut, to bleed, to know i could still feel!: although i still think of doing it from time to time , i to have a wonderful man in my life that stands by me, and i got help, and when i get weak i tell and we work on it together, the best thing is talking to someone, and medication.....although some people dont like that part, its sometimes needed!! wish the best to you both.

Hi Stormy - you sound really happy now... did your current guy reassure and support you all the way thru your treatment ... it makes all the difference to anyone that is experiencing this pain, I'm glad you wrote your story, it will help Bob, help and understand his girlfriend, and what she needs ....
Ginger

|

stormyf2

replied on July 28th, 2007

Supporter

well ive been a cutter since about 20 years, im now 33 and we have been together for 2 years, and he knows all about it, and we deal with it together, and i explained why i did it, how i feel when i do it etc.. and he didnt judge me, he really is an angle sent to me!!!

|

The Ginger 1

replied on July 28th, 2007

Supporter

stormyf2 wrote:

well ive been a cutter since about 20 years, im now 33 and we have been together for 2 years, and he knows all about it, and we deal with it together, and i explained why i did it, how i feel when i do it etc.. and he didnt judge me, he really is an angle sent to me!!!

There are some really good guys out there ain't there - my hubby is an angel sent to me too !! Wink

he ain't perfect, but then neither am I ...
I'm glad that your angel was sent to you, and Bob is an angel sent to his girlfriend, and he needs all the support from us to give to her ...

|

Shorty123

replied on August 1st, 2007

New User

bob im only 13 but im a cutter to the best thing to do is to show you still love her no matter what she does and they were right giv her a lot of support and dont do something like hide all the knives in her house from her just support her show that u love her and talk to her when she wants to talk its hard to quit so stay with her and help her

|

The Ginger 1

replied on August 1st, 2007

Supporter

Shorty123 wrote:

bob im only 13 but im a cutter to the best thing to do is to show you still love her no matter what she does and they were right giv her a lot of support and dont do something like hide all the knives in her house from her just support her show that u love her and talk to her when she wants to talk its hard to quit so stay with her and help her

What wise advise from someone so young ... thank's Shorty ...
Can I ask, why do you cut yourself ... do you need someone to talk to at this moment, or are you 'feeling good' .... I've never self harmed myself, so I don't understand every emotion you are going thru. but I do care, and I would love to help when you need support...
Ginger

|

Shorty123

replied on August 1st, 2007

New User

ginger i hav a lit of reason to cut but the main teason is im punishing myself

|

The Ginger 1

replied on August 1st, 2007

Supporter

Shorty123 wrote:

ginger i hav a lit of reason to cut but the main teason is im punishing myself

What do you feel you've done so wrong that you need to punish yourself?
You're a young adult, and bound to be making mistakes .... we all make mistakes, do stupid things even at 40 years old (that's how old I am) .. but it's called Life ! We learn right thoughout our lives till the end ... if we got everything right first time, we'd be boring ...
If you are doing something that you need to punish yourself for afterwards, then don't do that something in the first place.
Do the opposite !! Wink

I hope I haven't been too pushy with you Very Happy

.. and I hope I can help and support you ... Wink

Ginger
(((((((((hugs))))))))))

|

Shorty123

replied on August 1st, 2007

New User

what ive done wrong is ive made a lot of people lives harder like my mothers when i was a little kid i was born 3 months early and i had a lot of stuff wrong with me it cost my mom a lot of money and when i was like 3 i had to go to the hospital a lot now whenever i feel sick i dont tell anyone i dont want to bother anyone my mother calls me worthless thats why i punish myself because im worthless my mother always says how im not like my brother or sister or how i hav no friends or i dont go outside and play thats why i punish myself because i deserve it

|

Shorty123

replied on August 1st, 2007

New User

o and ginger if u want to know more i put up a post its name is Depression

|

The Ginger 1

replied on August 2nd, 2007

Supporter

Shorty123 wrote:

what ive done wrong is ive made a lot of people lives harder like my mothers when i was a little kid i was born 3 months early and i had a lot of stuff wrong with me it cost my mom a lot of money and when i was like 3 i had to go to the hospital a lot now whenever i feel sick i dont tell anyone i dont want to bother anyone my mother calls me worthless thats why i punish myself because im worthless my mother always says how im not like my brother or sister or how i hav no friends or i dont go outside and play thats why i punish myself because i deserve it

Sweetheart - none of that was your fault, and you certainly don't deserve to be treated that way ... especially by your Mother ... you need to speak to someone like your teacher or an adult you trust ... you shouldn't be taking this ... from anyone ... It isn't your fault ... and you shouldn't be punishing yourself ...
Ginger

|

Bob101

replied on August 4th, 2007

New User

Ginger, Stormy, Shorty,

Thanks for sharing and helping me out. All three of you are on different roads, but hopefully the support here is a good place for all.

My Girlfriend had another therapy appt. this past week. It went well I think, and IMHO, the fact that she likes a counsellor enough to go more than once is a huge step. No cutting since two weeks ago, and her wounds are healing well.

Trying to support her all I can,

-B

|

The Ginger 1

replied on August 4th, 2007

Supporter

Bob101 wrote:

Ginger, Stormy, Shorty,

Thanks for sharing and helping me out. All three of you are on different roads, but hopefully the support here is a good place for all.

My Girlfriend had another therapy appt. this past week. It went well I think, and IMHO, the fact that she likes a counsellor enough to go more than once is a huge step. No cutting since two weeks ago, and her wounds are healing well.

Trying to support her all I can,

-B

Sending you both hugs ..... ready ...... (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

|

Markb12

replied on January 28th, 2009

New User

My Girlfriend is self-harming

I just found out tonight. Shes been keeping it from me. Shes 17 now and has been doing it since year 8. I suggested therapy but got a negative reacton. Shes severed her femoral artery once. i love her so much, and im afraid i might lose her. Any help?

|