I Hate Life. Want Nothing More to Do With It. Dead Inside. (Page 1)
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I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible. I'm going to try because if I don't it would end up being a really long thread. I apologize if its still long. I will try to space it out as much as possible to be more eye friendly and readable.
I hate life. I don't like how it been nor how its going. I've had it with life. I give up. There is no point on me continuing. Whatever I do and try, it never works out. I just want to pack my bags and leave in the middle of the night. Just go, far far away and never look back. Forget about my life, family and friend here in Toronto. Go to a place where I am not known. I don't even want to go to college, I want my tuition back.
I think I am just going to be wasting my time in the college program I am in. I somewhat want to do. I'm in a Building Renovation Technician program. I got forced into it. I wanted to get into real estate, but my parents would not let me do it. They say it not a real job. As for becoming a General Contractor, my dad doesn't really think I can do the work in the end. I need to be along. I need to be isolated in a place where no one knows me.
I can't get a job. No one will hire me. I've handed in many many applications. With my applications I've even included my cover letter, resume and reference sheet. I have a Lexmark Z35 inkjet printer and it cost a lot of money to get the ink. Its 37.99 for a black ink cartage. So basically I've spent a lot of money on ink, more then I've brought in. I've applied at so many stores. I've applied for the same store franchise at different locations, so I can better my odds of getting a job. I've done quit a few interviews and none have come though. There is no point of me continuing on. I can't get a job now, so how will I then be able to get a job in the future? I won't. I've had a few jobs but I don't have them any more. I will never be able to give myself a nice big house, the hottest cars fancy clothes or the what not.
My life is pointless. I'm always getting into fights with my parents about me getting a job and the kind person I am. They say I am a very negative type person, but every one has made me that way. My parents are always very nonsupporting of me. Especially my dad. If I were to die murdered in cold blood tomorrow no one would feel sorrow or show love or would not matter. If my funeral's tomorrow, they wouldn't even call. A lot of my friends have turned their back on me and I ain't got nothing left but my word and my balls stressed from the calls of my new friends begging with they hands out. When you can't, that's the end, no laughs no friends. Theres like more pain inside of my brain then in the eyes of a little girl in side of a plane aimed at another plain, and the clouds are gathered together and it rain, and my parents are all pissed. I will never be able to make any of my dreams happen so why bother. I am worthless. I am practically told that i am worthless. I'm told I am stupid and that I have no brain which are compliments of my parents.
Everyone is constantly putting the though that I am the main source of my pain. It makes me feel like I am a bum, a loser, a idiot. I am the main source of my pain not any one else. It is all my wrong doing. I can't fix any of it. I don't know what to do, I cant take all the things I have done, said or made plans for back. It just sickens me sometimes thinking about it. I see everyone else living it up the way I had planned/thought I would be doing, basically everyone else is living up my dream and I as well a friend of mine are not living the dream (we both had same dream with some variations here and there but most of it the same). Like I said it makes me sick and in the end I believe that I am the main source of my pain. I'm stupid, a loser, a bum, an idiot, or anything else along the lines of these words. I am not the sharpest tool on the shed. I am like the ugly ducking. I am a misfit. A worthless pawn on a chessboard called life. My parents say I don't have a brain. They think very little if not nothing of me. NO one cars about me. I apparently hurt everyone around me. I've wasted my whole high school career accomplishing nothing. My brother and sister excel in school, so I am always being compared. My dad did well in school. I think that does not help either. Its very sad. I don't know how to feel. I know everyone says don't put yourself down. But thats all I am doing. I know what I am going to be for the rest of my life. And now I'm starting to dwell on the past, and everyone else's accomplishments. Like what do I really have to show, nothing. I don't get any award or acknowledged for anything.I go to parties/family get together's and I go home sick. All night I hear my mom saying to everyone about all the awards and how well my my brother and sister are doing in school, and the samething with my uncle boasting about my cousims. And then I hear my mom saying off "john is doing good but he's better at technical/hands on things" It makes me sick, plus it makes the person she is telling it to wonder, what kind of student is he?
I don't have my license. Only my learners permit (those of you from Ontario, Canada I have my G1). I failed the written test the first time, I passed the second time. I went to do my first road test (G1 exit test to get G2) and failed it. I went the second time and failed it as well which I don't know why I didn't make any mistakes. My parents kept procrastinating as to letting me do drivers ed. I did it 2 months before I have my license for 1 year, so I can go and do my road test. Total I paid 500 for the drivers ed course, 80 dollars for the tests and 250 for the instructors car rental plus 2 lessons before each test. Like I said I failed. My parents don't let me drive. Before I did drivers ed they used the excuse that I need to do a few lessons with an instructor to get the hang of it. Now that I have, they act like they don't hear me ask or they say you cant drive and give me some reason. I believe that they only let me get my license cause I wanted to and they are just humoring me like a little kid when you give them your keys to play with. Anyways I told my parents that I want to take the family car so I can only pay 40 to do the test. However the horn does not work. They wont fix it. Its been since January that I've told them and they told me they would fix it. It seems to me that they don't want me to get my license.
I stay up at night just thinking. Where did I go wrong? Why am I feeling this way? Why is it like the world is against me? Why am I a misfit? Why don't I belong? Why am I a loser? I HATE LIFE AND WANT NOTHING MORE OF IT, I KNOW HOW ITS GOING TO TURN OUT A LOSER ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A JOB WHO CANNOT GET ONE. I am dead inside. Every second I'm away I die inside. I have no one to turn to but myself, my thoughts and tears also my headaches. All I want is to be loved and appreciated, no one appreciates me, its all an act. I'm dead inside.
I hate life. I don't like how it been nor how its going. I've had it with life. I give up. There is no point on me continuing. Whatever I do and try, it never works out. I just want to pack my bags and leave in the middle of the night. Just go, far far away and never look back. Forget about my life, family and friend here in Toronto. Go to a place where I am not known. I don't even want to go to college, I want my tuition back.
I think I am just going to be wasting my time in the college program I am in. I somewhat want to do. I'm in a Building Renovation Technician program. I got forced into it. I wanted to get into real estate, but my parents would not let me do it. They say it not a real job. As for becoming a General Contractor, my dad doesn't really think I can do the work in the end. I need to be along. I need to be isolated in a place where no one knows me.
I can't get a job. No one will hire me. I've handed in many many applications. With my applications I've even included my cover letter, resume and reference sheet. I have a Lexmark Z35 inkjet printer and it cost a lot of money to get the ink. Its 37.99 for a black ink cartage. So basically I've spent a lot of money on ink, more then I've brought in. I've applied at so many stores. I've applied for the same store franchise at different locations, so I can better my odds of getting a job. I've done quit a few interviews and none have come though. There is no point of me continuing on. I can't get a job now, so how will I then be able to get a job in the future? I won't. I've had a few jobs but I don't have them any more. I will never be able to give myself a nice big house, the hottest cars fancy clothes or the what not.
My life is pointless. I'm always getting into fights with my parents about me getting a job and the kind person I am. They say I am a very negative type person, but every one has made me that way. My parents are always very nonsupporting of me. Especially my dad. If I were to die murdered in cold blood tomorrow no one would feel sorrow or show love or would not matter. If my funeral's tomorrow, they wouldn't even call. A lot of my friends have turned their back on me and I ain't got nothing left but my word and my balls stressed from the calls of my new friends begging with they hands out. When you can't, that's the end, no laughs no friends. Theres like more pain inside of my brain then in the eyes of a little girl in side of a plane aimed at another plain, and the clouds are gathered together and it rain, and my parents are all pissed. I will never be able to make any of my dreams happen so why bother. I am worthless. I am practically told that i am worthless. I'm told I am stupid and that I have no brain which are compliments of my parents.
Everyone is constantly putting the though that I am the main source of my pain. It makes me feel like I am a bum, a loser, a idiot. I am the main source of my pain not any one else. It is all my wrong doing. I can't fix any of it. I don't know what to do, I cant take all the things I have done, said or made plans for back. It just sickens me sometimes thinking about it. I see everyone else living it up the way I had planned/thought I would be doing, basically everyone else is living up my dream and I as well a friend of mine are not living the dream (we both had same dream with some variations here and there but most of it the same). Like I said it makes me sick and in the end I believe that I am the main source of my pain. I'm stupid, a loser, a bum, an idiot, or anything else along the lines of these words. I am not the sharpest tool on the shed. I am like the ugly ducking. I am a misfit. A worthless pawn on a chessboard called life. My parents say I don't have a brain. They think very little if not nothing of me. NO one cars about me. I apparently hurt everyone around me. I've wasted my whole high school career accomplishing nothing. My brother and sister excel in school, so I am always being compared. My dad did well in school. I think that does not help either. Its very sad. I don't know how to feel. I know everyone says don't put yourself down. But thats all I am doing. I know what I am going to be for the rest of my life. And now I'm starting to dwell on the past, and everyone else's accomplishments. Like what do I really have to show, nothing. I don't get any award or acknowledged for anything.I go to parties/family get together's and I go home sick. All night I hear my mom saying to everyone about all the awards and how well my my brother and sister are doing in school, and the samething with my uncle boasting about my cousims. And then I hear my mom saying off "john is doing good but he's better at technical/hands on things" It makes me sick, plus it makes the person she is telling it to wonder, what kind of student is he?
I don't have my license. Only my learners permit (those of you from Ontario, Canada I have my G1). I failed the written test the first time, I passed the second time. I went to do my first road test (G1 exit test to get G2) and failed it. I went the second time and failed it as well which I don't know why I didn't make any mistakes. My parents kept procrastinating as to letting me do drivers ed. I did it 2 months before I have my license for 1 year, so I can go and do my road test. Total I paid 500 for the drivers ed course, 80 dollars for the tests and 250 for the instructors car rental plus 2 lessons before each test. Like I said I failed. My parents don't let me drive. Before I did drivers ed they used the excuse that I need to do a few lessons with an instructor to get the hang of it. Now that I have, they act like they don't hear me ask or they say you cant drive and give me some reason. I believe that they only let me get my license cause I wanted to and they are just humoring me like a little kid when you give them your keys to play with. Anyways I told my parents that I want to take the family car so I can only pay 40 to do the test. However the horn does not work. They wont fix it. Its been since January that I've told them and they told me they would fix it. It seems to me that they don't want me to get my license.
I stay up at night just thinking. Where did I go wrong? Why am I feeling this way? Why is it like the world is against me? Why am I a misfit? Why don't I belong? Why am I a loser? I HATE LIFE AND WANT NOTHING MORE OF IT, I KNOW HOW ITS GOING TO TURN OUT A LOSER ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A JOB WHO CANNOT GET ONE. I am dead inside. Every second I'm away I die inside. I have no one to turn to but myself, my thoughts and tears also my headaches. All I want is to be loved and appreciated, no one appreciates me, its all an act. I'm dead inside.
Last edited by greekjohn on July 23rd, 2007 09:20 AM; edited 1 time in total
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First Helper greekjohn
greekjohn
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well heck i care about ya and i dont even know you!!!!!
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My life
Hi, my life also - Whatever I do and try, it never works out. Actually i have some achievements, but all the time new junk comes where i have to solve everything along and do the most difficult and dirty job. I am so tired to learn and to think that i just cry. I have a lot of achievements, but i am along and it makes my life so difficult. I separated with my husband and desided not to fell in love anymore. But i have to do everything myself no boy will became my friend without wanting sex...
I have been working as a stripper in strip club for a year.. I can't find normal job as i studied economics in my country ( and didn't like it, just it was easy to enter) and here my english is not enough.. I also hate my job. I earn ok there, always cry and think that dead people are happy people. I have to work with guys but its very exhausting and not enteresting.
I am in the court now and pay a lot of money for my lawyer, i have to cheet the court and tax office that i am a make up artist in strip club..But it is really demands from me big brain to put it on the paper and put fake information that i am a make up artist..i don't have medicare card, i have some problems and have to go to doctor, but i just exhausted. I don't have enough of money as i have to die my blond hair regrowth in very expensive hairdressers and i can't show up ugly in my job...Pressure. And i really don't believe in happiness in the future. My life made me not to believe in happy future, as whole my life was difficult just different difficult situations. And i always have to do something i am not really interested and good in, the most difficult for me job. I never had choice. Because of the "circumstances" i have to. I also not going to live long. I just don't like this life it's bitter. But i don't have any reason yet to kill myself. I am happy in some small things: I love fashion. I like it because i developed taste and it is so nise to be well dressed. I like theatre and movies. I like make up and read about new things. I love dancing and music. I dance at home brazilian music. I love Latin cultures. I love eating healthy food. That things where i am good in. I have natural sence for them. But my everyday life, job and things in the court and big big bils for lawyers are killing me. I like organic red wine. Now i am drinkong it and writing. This problems and needs - i am sick of them. But i will kill myself only if something will happen with my health and i can't work.I watch my health. I just humble. I don't know what life is.I know that is really horrible and want to kill us.It is bad to many people. I know that many people have the same fears. A lot of people have troubles. I know that i am lucky in many ways. I am healthy. I cry, i hate, but i am able to sirvive and become wiser. It is so a little for me. .. wiser for this stuff. I wont more, but life don't offer me more. That's why i always blame it. It don't offer me much. Just be wise, be good in fashion, be healthy and do your strip job and pay your huge bills and solve how to hide that you are a adult entertainer from the immigrational department. May be i will fail. i don't know how court strict about this if they find this out. If they are interested to find out they will. I have to say i am a make urtist i have ABN number and earned 360 Aus for Friday night! Who will believe that? But i know that for tax office it is doesn't matter. Only numbers should be correct. I don't know a lot. I hope i will finish this task and i have to work as a stripper for one more year and pay off more 5000$ for my lawyer in 6 months. I have to work hard. Thare is always one answer: You have to work hard. But i hate this job, i am bad in it. I receive kicks there all the time. I am so upset. This job makes me unhappy.And i can't change it. It gives me enough money to pay for lawyer, psichologist, rent, hairdresser monthly and buy expensive shampoos for my blond hair. I almast don't buy cloth.I am soo-o tired of it. I ve been living in this routine for 1,5 years. I gain a lot of knowlege though. I know a lot about guys. But it is not interesting for me. And i am suffering and crying every 3-d day of my work shift. All managers in my club know me. If i am not in the mood and they cick my arse i will go back to bath room and cry. Then i will drink 2 bottles of beer and then chat to customers and offer lapdance. I cry there 1 a month. But my club now is closed for renovation for 3 weeks. But I have to earn money. Lawyers sent me a message: please make your monthly payment soon or you will break contract. I had to find work in another club. I cryed there last shift, but made a bit of money.Now i understand that i have to go and earn more for my next rent so i am going to appear there again next Fri and Saturdey. I hope they want trow me out. i hate this life.But i have to...I hope i will survive to the end and will able to stay in Australia. But if i will die that is GOOD. I never will miss to live this life.I still have some little hope: yes life is horrible - you have to do a lot of stuff and think a lot. But may be some good time will come after that?
I have been working as a stripper in strip club for a year.. I can't find normal job as i studied economics in my country ( and didn't like it, just it was easy to enter) and here my english is not enough.. I also hate my job. I earn ok there, always cry and think that dead people are happy people. I have to work with guys but its very exhausting and not enteresting.
I am in the court now and pay a lot of money for my lawyer, i have to cheet the court and tax office that i am a make up artist in strip club..But it is really demands from me big brain to put it on the paper and put fake information that i am a make up artist..i don't have medicare card, i have some problems and have to go to doctor, but i just exhausted. I don't have enough of money as i have to die my blond hair regrowth in very expensive hairdressers and i can't show up ugly in my job...Pressure. And i really don't believe in happiness in the future. My life made me not to believe in happy future, as whole my life was difficult just different difficult situations. And i always have to do something i am not really interested and good in, the most difficult for me job. I never had choice. Because of the "circumstances" i have to. I also not going to live long. I just don't like this life it's bitter. But i don't have any reason yet to kill myself. I am happy in some small things: I love fashion. I like it because i developed taste and it is so nise to be well dressed. I like theatre and movies. I like make up and read about new things. I love dancing and music. I dance at home brazilian music. I love Latin cultures. I love eating healthy food. That things where i am good in. I have natural sence for them. But my everyday life, job and things in the court and big big bils for lawyers are killing me. I like organic red wine. Now i am drinkong it and writing. This problems and needs - i am sick of them. But i will kill myself only if something will happen with my health and i can't work.I watch my health. I just humble. I don't know what life is.I know that is really horrible and want to kill us.It is bad to many people. I know that many people have the same fears. A lot of people have troubles. I know that i am lucky in many ways. I am healthy. I cry, i hate, but i am able to sirvive and become wiser. It is so a little for me. .. wiser for this stuff. I wont more, but life don't offer me more. That's why i always blame it. It don't offer me much. Just be wise, be good in fashion, be healthy and do your strip job and pay your huge bills and solve how to hide that you are a adult entertainer from the immigrational department. May be i will fail. i don't know how court strict about this if they find this out. If they are interested to find out they will. I have to say i am a make urtist i have ABN number and earned 360 Aus for Friday night! Who will believe that? But i know that for tax office it is doesn't matter. Only numbers should be correct. I don't know a lot. I hope i will finish this task and i have to work as a stripper for one more year and pay off more 5000$ for my lawyer in 6 months. I have to work hard. Thare is always one answer: You have to work hard. But i hate this job, i am bad in it. I receive kicks there all the time. I am so upset. This job makes me unhappy.And i can't change it. It gives me enough money to pay for lawyer, psichologist, rent, hairdresser monthly and buy expensive shampoos for my blond hair. I almast don't buy cloth.I am soo-o tired of it. I ve been living in this routine for 1,5 years. I gain a lot of knowlege though. I know a lot about guys. But it is not interesting for me. And i am suffering and crying every 3-d day of my work shift. All managers in my club know me. If i am not in the mood and they cick my arse i will go back to bath room and cry. Then i will drink 2 bottles of beer and then chat to customers and offer lapdance. I cry there 1 a month. But my club now is closed for renovation for 3 weeks. But I have to earn money. Lawyers sent me a message: please make your monthly payment soon or you will break contract. I had to find work in another club. I cryed there last shift, but made a bit of money.Now i understand that i have to go and earn more for my next rent so i am going to appear there again next Fri and Saturdey. I hope they want trow me out. i hate this life.But i have to...I hope i will survive to the end and will able to stay in Australia. But if i will die that is GOOD. I never will miss to live this life.I still have some little hope: yes life is horrible - you have to do a lot of stuff and think a lot. But may be some good time will come after that?
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ok
wow. your to smart for them. you need some mental simulation. Have you taken an IQ test. Quite frankly their is nothing wrong with dancing, if your ok with it. I have bee in a similar position as a man. i dont mean dancing., but had to do teaching to survive. lost a fortune in the construction bus. over 150 k a yr. I'm lost my hm and family all due to $. i didn't know i married a prositute. it was all about $. oh well. its ok. Don't stop pushing. It will come. god bless
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I hope u read this, and that u get this msg somehow! 2013-01-16
Hi!
Funny thing I dont even know u but everything u say,
and u have experienced I have experienced aswell.
Its kind of weird because the text u wrote,
the text that I have read, feels like im reading everything about my own life, my own story atm.
Im 22, im a good looking boy, and I have a nice personality. What Im trying to say is that Im pretty shure if ur being honest with ur selv, there is something behind the story .. u might not even know it
or maybe u deny it.
So what I basically want to say is, i had opperturnities in my life, wich im shure of u also did,
in ur unger life ..
But I made mistakes, Ive chosen the wrong path, and started to lie to people, I also started to steal, Btw
I believe in GOD, ive had a nice oppertunity to become a cheff cook, done educated, I could aswell have had the driving lisence, been married and maybe had kids by now aswell, and also still had those friends Ive lost til this day.
I also have the same arguments with my mom, and the same compare, I also have 2 sister, and one of them has all in her life and heck she is even engaed, she will marry soon i guess and shes only 20 .. done with her education and har a driving lisence and a good job.
So now comes my mistakes, I was on my way to all that my sister has now, but as Ive told u Ive started to lie and steel, something I have learned in my younger life by my friends, wich I really wished Ive never had done!
In life u have chooses and u know that u have them but somehow u choose to over look them, and thats where u make mistakes, u fall from the road and u get lost inside ur own mistakes, and then comes the regret and the pain.
Somehow my friends and my ex girlfriend started to talk behind my back about me, and turned my back on me, wich then I have decided to just cut down all contact will my ex girlfriend, aswell as my friends wich I kind of could have done diffrently, ive never had my dad in my life to take care of me always, had to take care of my om and my 2 sisters, at a young age, so I never seemed to care about school, ( But Im actually very cleaver ), so its kind of a big waste ..
Things have happend, and mistakes have been done my friend who ever u are I know u are in problems in pain and u seek u wish to find urself back, so that u can look to the brighter side of life.
Although it is as hard as it is, and I know u have heard it so many times before but this time u must really listen to it ( STAY POSITIV! )
The thing that drives me and helps me is, the thought that I have good and a place to sleep, and there are people out there that dont have a thing, pluss with that I also have a change to change all things to something good, but I musent give upp, mostly dont give upp on my self, for it is there u will be lost forever.
Its like saying to a kid dont, eat candy ( And here comes the idea of chooses ) but the kid stil decides to eat it because its good.
Stay strong, and believe in ur self, that is what the people that have acomplished to much in there life right now are thinking, and it drives them to do more and better,
Im sorry for my long text.
I would really like to come in contact with u.
Btw. My name is Mario, I live in Norway atm I speak five languages ive traveld round the world, and seen allot allot of pain and bad stuff, but still I dont give upp, I take that experience and make it into something good.
PS: I cried when i read the story. THnx.
Funny thing I dont even know u but everything u say,
and u have experienced I have experienced aswell.
Its kind of weird because the text u wrote,
the text that I have read, feels like im reading everything about my own life, my own story atm.
Im 22, im a good looking boy, and I have a nice personality. What Im trying to say is that Im pretty shure if ur being honest with ur selv, there is something behind the story .. u might not even know it
or maybe u deny it.
So what I basically want to say is, i had opperturnities in my life, wich im shure of u also did,
in ur unger life ..
But I made mistakes, Ive chosen the wrong path, and started to lie to people, I also started to steal, Btw
I believe in GOD, ive had a nice oppertunity to become a cheff cook, done educated, I could aswell have had the driving lisence, been married and maybe had kids by now aswell, and also still had those friends Ive lost til this day.
I also have the same arguments with my mom, and the same compare, I also have 2 sister, and one of them has all in her life and heck she is even engaed, she will marry soon i guess and shes only 20 .. done with her education and har a driving lisence and a good job.
So now comes my mistakes, I was on my way to all that my sister has now, but as Ive told u Ive started to lie and steel, something I have learned in my younger life by my friends, wich I really wished Ive never had done!
In life u have chooses and u know that u have them but somehow u choose to over look them, and thats where u make mistakes, u fall from the road and u get lost inside ur own mistakes, and then comes the regret and the pain.
Somehow my friends and my ex girlfriend started to talk behind my back about me, and turned my back on me, wich then I have decided to just cut down all contact will my ex girlfriend, aswell as my friends wich I kind of could have done diffrently, ive never had my dad in my life to take care of me always, had to take care of my om and my 2 sisters, at a young age, so I never seemed to care about school, ( But Im actually very cleaver ), so its kind of a big waste ..
Things have happend, and mistakes have been done my friend who ever u are I know u are in problems in pain and u seek u wish to find urself back, so that u can look to the brighter side of life.
Although it is as hard as it is, and I know u have heard it so many times before but this time u must really listen to it ( STAY POSITIV! )
The thing that drives me and helps me is, the thought that I have good and a place to sleep, and there are people out there that dont have a thing, pluss with that I also have a change to change all things to something good, but I musent give upp, mostly dont give upp on my self, for it is there u will be lost forever.
Its like saying to a kid dont, eat candy ( And here comes the idea of chooses ) but the kid stil decides to eat it because its good.
Stay strong, and believe in ur self, that is what the people that have acomplished to much in there life right now are thinking, and it drives them to do more and better,
Im sorry for my long text.
I would really like to come in contact with u.
Btw. My name is Mario, I live in Norway atm I speak five languages ive traveld round the world, and seen allot allot of pain and bad stuff, but still I dont give upp, I take that experience and make it into something good.
PS: I cried when i read the story. THnx.
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Dude, this is so strange, everything you just wrote describes me in every way (apart from a few things). I also have a friend that had the same dreams as me, and we are both in the same boat as you.
I totally understand how you feel. I just want to get up and get on an airplane and fly to some foreign country where I am not known. If I had the money, I'd do it tomorrow. The thing is, I also cannot get a job.
I totally understand how you feel. I just want to get up and get on an airplane and fly to some foreign country where I am not known. If I had the money, I'd do it tomorrow. The thing is, I also cannot get a job.
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| Gaz2007 wrote: |
| Dude, this is so strange, everything you just wrote describes me in every way (apart from a few things). I also have a friend that had the same dreams as me, and we are both in the same boat as you.
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You sound just like my friend
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the Solution
don´t be angry, I know believe me that the lif some days sucks, but evething has solutions, maybe you shuld go to the psicology or take some medicine for your problems why do try to visit prescriptionmedsonline.net is great try it and tellme byeeee
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I hear you greekjohn and others. I suffered from depression for a long time. I got help. From friends and medication. It has changed my outlook completely. You have to try. Fight those thoughts and urges. Get some advice. You posted here- That's a good sign. I think once in awhile we all want to run away. It is normal....
As for work- I'm in the construction industry. I play with real estate as a hobby on the side. You can do ANYTHING you want to. If you are an adult, then follow your passion (if it's real estate or whatever). You mentioned college- finish your degree. You will be very marketable after you have it. Does not matter what it is in. Just get it! Real Estate is easy (once you learn the ropes). It can pay well, but mostly it just pays ok (unless you are a top producer). I do it for fun. If you do something you like, it is much easier to wake up every morning. Best of luck!
As for work- I'm in the construction industry. I play with real estate as a hobby on the side. You can do ANYTHING you want to. If you are an adult, then follow your passion (if it's real estate or whatever). You mentioned college- finish your degree. You will be very marketable after you have it. Does not matter what it is in. Just get it! Real Estate is easy (once you learn the ropes). It can pay well, but mostly it just pays ok (unless you are a top producer). I do it for fun. If you do something you like, it is much easier to wake up every morning. Best of luck!
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"They say I am a very negative type person, but every one has made me that way. "
As hard as it sounds, you gotta try to be more upbeat. Being negative only makes people be negative towards you. I mean I'm negative sometimes but i'm working on it.
As hard as it sounds, you gotta try to be more upbeat. Being negative only makes people be negative towards you. I mean I'm negative sometimes but i'm working on it.
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How much do you work out? exersize? If you're feeling really down or mad run around or get yourself a punching bag, exsersize releases happy hormones or something and can really help. Go see a doctor, don't put it off. As for what others think about you, ignor them. They say your negative but don't question why? That is really caring.
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| YellowDuck wrote: |
| How much do you work out? exersize? |
I don't really work out or excersize. I get my exersize from walking alot, and my "work out" from whatever heavy I lift.
| YellowDuck wrote: |
| If you're feeling really down or mad run around or get yourself a punching bag, exsersize releases happy hormones or something and can really help. |
I punch the !**@! wall or desk or whatever is near me whenever I'm pissed. If I am playing like Need For Speed I will sometimes get so pissed off that I don't have my licesence so I can drive by myself and also that no one lets me drive.
| YellowDuck wrote: |
| As for what others think about you, ignor them. They say your negative but don't question why? That is really caring. |
It there all the time. I can't ignor it. It come back and haunts me.
| YellowDuck wrote: |
| Go see a doctor, don't put it off. |
Honestly I don't want to see a doctor. When you say doctor I think that mutha-!**@!-a son of a !**@! who got into university and got their med degree who is making a lot of money who thinks they are better then me. Honestly I don't like them. When I needed the doctor to perscribe medicine cause I was so sick they would only give me benelyn medicine.
Doctors to me are like counsellors they make me to be the probelm not anyone/anything else. I have a huge mental brakedown at the end of june the day before my calculus exam and the doctor wouldn't do anything for me just give me some drugs to calm me down.
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My boyfriend is in a really similar position to you. He can't find work and plays computer games to try and escape the horrible world he sees around him.
For the partner standing by his side its difficult to watch someone talk themselves out of every good thing that could come to pass. I know you must feel a lot of anger towards a lot of people, especially those that have it easy but also try to remember that a lot of the time that things are not what they seem. The doctor you see could have worked 4 jobs and gone to night school to fulfill his dream. You are not alone in the world and I really hope you have gotten better (i see these posts are a few years old). Maybe try reading a book called the secret and it might help ?
Good luck xx
For the partner standing by his side its difficult to watch someone talk themselves out of every good thing that could come to pass. I know you must feel a lot of anger towards a lot of people, especially those that have it easy but also try to remember that a lot of the time that things are not what they seem. The doctor you see could have worked 4 jobs and gone to night school to fulfill his dream. You are not alone in the world and I really hope you have gotten better (i see these posts are a few years old). Maybe try reading a book called the secret and it might help ?
Good luck xx
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Man I know how you feel...
And im mixed race...no experience...no references....VERY hard for me to get a job.
I finished college but now University seems like another 3 year waste of money....
I think the best things in life are free....I bet you and your friend used to have fun right....just dreaming and stayin alive
I dont know you but I know that the secret to happiness can be found in youth
thats uphoria for free...just try to think as if you should do
my dad tells me that..."act right....you know what I mean"
I know what he means even if I try to hide from it sometimes
And im mixed race...no experience...no references....VERY hard for me to get a job.
I finished college but now University seems like another 3 year waste of money....
I think the best things in life are free....I bet you and your friend used to have fun right....just dreaming and stayin alive
I dont know you but I know that the secret to happiness can be found in youth
thats uphoria for free...just try to think as if you should do
my dad tells me that..."act right....you know what I mean"
I know what he means even if I try to hide from it sometimes
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I used to have a lot of fun with my friends. But now it seems that no one is around anymore. Life used to be good until I hit middle school, thats when it all went downhill.
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Been there. Literally went insane, had psychotic episodes and blackouts. They tell me it's what happens if you're depressed enough, long enough. I finally broke down and got professional help. It was a painful experience, finding someone who could help me, cuz I was by all accounts a frightening person to be in the same room with. In the end, though, it was worth it. I beg you to seek help before you get as bad as I was. Because once you reach a certain point, your brain changes and it becomes much harder to return to normal... I'm pretty sure I'll never be quite the same. It has been four years already, and I'm still dealing with being someone I never expected to be.
Find out the true source of your unhappiness, and don't worry about the fact that your doc or who ever got a degree. Don't worry about ppl labeling you cuz you had the guts to get help. !**@! them. Do it for you. Take care of yourself. If you don't, things will never get better. I can tell just by reading your post and your wording that you are at least fairly intelligent. A mind like yours is all too easily turned against itself. Make getting better your absolute top priority, and it will happen. It won't be fast, or easy. There will be many times when you think you have made no progress. But those days don't matter. What matters is getting better. Think of that as your job, your religion, your girlfriend, whatever. Think of it this way, your life is already hell, so what have you got to lose by trying to get better?
Find out the true source of your unhappiness, and don't worry about the fact that your doc or who ever got a degree. Don't worry about ppl labeling you cuz you had the guts to get help. !**@! them. Do it for you. Take care of yourself. If you don't, things will never get better. I can tell just by reading your post and your wording that you are at least fairly intelligent. A mind like yours is all too easily turned against itself. Make getting better your absolute top priority, and it will happen. It won't be fast, or easy. There will be many times when you think you have made no progress. But those days don't matter. What matters is getting better. Think of that as your job, your religion, your girlfriend, whatever. Think of it this way, your life is already hell, so what have you got to lose by trying to get better?
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| bloodsinger151 wrote: |
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Find out the true source of your unhappiness, and don't worry about the fact that your doc or who ever got a degree. Don't worry about ppl labeling you cuz you had the guts to get help. whoops them. Do it for you. Take care of yourself. If you don't, things will never get better. I can tell just by reading your post and your wording that you are at least fairly intelligent. A mind like yours is all too easily turned against itself. Make getting better your absolute top priority, and it will happen. It won't be fast, or easy. There will be many times when you think you have made no progress. But those days don't matter. What matters is getting better. Think of that as your job, your religion, your girlfriend, whatever. Think of it this way, your life is already hell, so what have you got to lose by trying to get better? |
I know the source of my pain. Look I got a job and I've quite already, 2 weeks. Thats part of my pain. I've realized that I'm just going to be one of those guys who just lives with his parents and doesn't get married. Basically like comic book guy from the Simpsons.
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Srsly
Dude, screw your parents. They're obviously not helping you at ALL. You don't need them. If your life is already that bad, just get a job. Anywhere is fine. ANYWHERE. All you need now it seems is money. Get enough money to move somewhere. Then eventually get enough money for college, or an educational school. You can even get your drivers license with that money. Study hard too. Nothing comes easy. I know that to be true. Then you can pretty much do whatever you want. It's obviously not your fault here. Nothing is your fault. People influence you more than you may think.
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u kno sth , the best thing to do is to ignore them all and just trust urself. "omg i'm such a loser "."i'm good in doing nothing" , " everybody think that i'm helpless" forget about all these stupid words it's nothing .BE positive , GET positive . dont give up,and just keep on trying to be wt u want . believe me life is good but we should kno the way to understand it very well , SO start form now and wake the hero inside of u up . wish u get well =).. and yeaaa screw ur parents !
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Life sucks. Join the club.
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This isn't life, it's death, I suppose you could also call it, work.
We aren't living, we're dying.
We aren't living, we're dying.
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I HATE THIS LIFE.
man... look my parents were always screwing me over in life. And it began at conception. I hate them for the abuse (verbal/physical), forced pysch evaluation (i thought it required a #2 pencil, not a strip search and 72 hours of my freedom), forced arrests they put me through. And why? Well when you're different enough, even family can fear you. ANd did they ever. They put me thru hell til i escaped, but when i returned at 21, it was the same toxic atmosphere that strangles me still. Now I realize the problem doesn't end with them, but with mankind as a whole. I hate selfish whores who lay on their backs to bring innocence into a world they too will come to hate. Men destroy and daughters assume their position, forever on their backs just like their mothers have taught them. I hate every feature on every worthless face I see. I know the hate and evil in mankind and i hate it. I try to change the world for the better bc hope is lost on me. I am beyond suicide these days, or any act of violence. I am a competitive lifter and exercise til i pass out just to get away. I smoke the herb, until im broke, but i abhor man-made drugs (including pharmaceuticals). I am getting into thrill-seeking so that maybe my wrecklessness will destroy me in such a way as to provide me entry into heaven (if it even exists). I know too much, try too hard, and get nowhere. As a minority, a woman, and 'Outsider' (shaved head, piercings, ink, etc.)...god...its horrible. Everyday I smile just once, because I know that I am one step closer to my death.
I will not breed, because my heart cannot allow my unprotected perversions to result in another life sentenced to an existence anything like my own.
I will not breed, because my heart cannot allow my unprotected perversions to result in another life sentenced to an existence anything like my own.
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An older survivor's view of dealing with depression
the "world'' is not supportive of ideals. You hear lots about love but there''s very little of it reliably. Non compassionate people are in charge of too much of the functioning of "the world." All the merchants want to tell you what you want and need. governments want tot ell you what to do and feel and think. but it takes a lot of savvy and support to defy all that. real empathy is in short supply. recently i asked, no , TOLD my therapist, i don t think its so wrong or sick to be feeling as I do, depressed in whatever big or small way i am now. The world IS this way, its'' not supportive of much of anything of a sensitive or subtle nature. I think i have the proper view on how ''things are." they suck. its real, not a fantasy. it sucks. but I don''t suck. everything that made me depressed was done TO me and i carry no guilt at all. NOt my fault. I am a damned fine person. I don''t believe in hurting people. I am too sensitive but must stand up to bullies, and realize that i cant fix the world.
For the depressed, I recommend a strong dose and learning of rebellion. its a real lifesaver. seek out those who agree. there are lots. whether you agree with the results or not, the last election proves it.
For the depressed, I recommend a strong dose and learning of rebellion. its a real lifesaver. seek out those who agree. there are lots. whether you agree with the results or not, the last election proves it.
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please
Hello, my name is_____, im 12 and i am a only child.
my Auntie has 6 sons. i lived these 12 years with my parents,but, now i have to live with my auntie because my parents are doing some business and its gonna take 2 years to live with them again.
its already gone 5 months and im really depressed.
my cousins dont help me they just make me the clown and laugh at me everytime, my school mates, well,
i dont have non, i miss my old life, my older cousin keeps beating me up because he doesnt want me here and everyday i lock my self in the room alone so that i dont "bother" anyone.
EVERY solution people told me didnt work and i feel like bleeding inside.HELP ME PLEASE
my Auntie has 6 sons. i lived these 12 years with my parents,but, now i have to live with my auntie because my parents are doing some business and its gonna take 2 years to live with them again.
its already gone 5 months and im really depressed.
my cousins dont help me they just make me the clown and laugh at me everytime, my school mates, well,
i dont have non, i miss my old life, my older cousin keeps beating me up because he doesnt want me here and everyday i lock my self in the room alone so that i dont "bother" anyone.
EVERY solution people told me didnt work and i feel like bleeding inside.HELP ME PLEASE
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I do not know you, the person with the original post. Im 45 as a young age I was told I could not do this and I could not do that. I was compared to my cousins alot and other people. When I did finally get enough courage to want to do something I WANTED I was told NO NO not a good idea so this set me back everytime. So there you have it! Im telling you now YOU DO WANT WITH YOUR LIFE AS IN A CAREER! They, your parents will get over it. You are the one that will not! Do your best in doing what you feel is right for you ok. I just want to spare a young dude regrets later in life. All you can do is when you do have children is change the way you do things with your kids and set the example that you wanted on you. Peace
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