The first thing you should probably do is basically stop questioning, or ask why. I had to do this to move on from my relationship with a bp person. You just have to take it one day at a time and try your hardest not to make any sense of it, it just won't make sense. I would wait until he comes out of his mania phase, since that seems like what could have happened, then talk to him about bp. As i always say in nearly any post i make, seek professional help on dealing with this. It will make things so much easier. I am glad you have found the forum, its a big help. Situations like the one you described will certainly make you decide whether you want to deal with the bp or not. Each direction is wonderful, but one is harder. It will come to a point where you have to ask yourself if the love you have is worth it, and even so you have got to be prepared for a life full of bp related stress if you make the committment.(maybe). He will come to his senses, but when he does you have got to make sure he knows that you have a heart and you can't handle what he puts out. Make sure you care for you. Good luck.

Thank you for replying to my message. I know i need to stop questioning but its very hard. I have been to see my Doctor and he is referring me to see someone to talk about it. My bf, is also seeing a shrink just now, but im hoping that once he is able to talk, we could maybe go together.
He has been going through the diagnosis for BP for around 6 months and in this time i have spent countless hours reading up on the disorder, so i am prepared for the rollercoaster that may lead ahead. I know that i am ready to deal with this and i know that i love unconditionally. It all just comes down him deciding if he wants to be with me or if he has just had too much and wants to go it alone. I want to be there for him whatever the outcome.

I feel confused again....after not seeing him for 5 weeks since we spilt up, i spoke to him yesterday. We had a proper heart to heart and told each other how we felt and he told me why he left.
He told me he still loved me, and there had been no problem with us as a couple, but it was more of the right person but wrong timing. He wants me to be in his life, and does not want to loose me as his best friend. He cannot see a future for himself, but he thinks is does not want a serious relationship as he needs to find out who he his, and staying with me, he thinks that this is not possible.
He is thinking of moving in with our best friend, and taking each day as it comes.
He told me that he was not ready to go and look for someone else to start dating, as he cares for me too much. So in my eyes i still cannot see why we cant be together. I wouldnt mind him moving in with our best mate, he moved out of our house when we spilt up, but if we still were together and he lived with our friend to give us space, he could find out who he was without the added pressure of living with his girlfriend. From what he says, leaving me was the hardest thing he has done, so i cannot make sense of it.

I really need more advice as i am so confused. Somebody please help me. Should i talk to him about giving it a go, but staying seperate, or should i wait and see what he thinks? Because of his BP i dont want to push it. Let me know what you think.

Hello. When I read your post, my head was spinning. From what you have described, we have just been through VERY similar situations. My husband of two-years just up and packed up and left while I was on a weekend trip. We had a great marriage and we were each other's best friend. All he left was his wedding ring and a long, robotic letter, telling me the same things your boyfriend said to you: "It's not you, it's me." "I don't want any responsibilities." "You have been a great wife and companion. This has nothing to do with anything you have done. I am just ready to move on." "I need to live alone."

It was devastating and shocking and horrifying. He has been gone three weeks now and he has just walked out and gotten an apartment 15 minutes away and is acting like our life here never existed!

My husband is diagnosed with depression, not bipolar disorder. However, due to this extreme move and many other factors, I am almost certain that he is actually bipolar. I sought the opinion of a therapist, and she thinks the same thing.

When I read your post, I almost felt as though I had written it. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that all works out for you, the way it should. I really have no answers for what you should do - obviously, since I am in the same position. I just wanted to write you and let you know that there is someone else out there who understands your pain.

I met a man about 6 months ago. He was up front and honest that he had bipolar disorder. He also told me he had tried to commit suicide the year before. Unfortunately, I was not deterred, we started dating. He was taking Lithium and anti-depressants, he stopped. I can see by what I have read that this relationship will probably go no where. In the beginning, he was so nice, next thing, he loved me. Then he began talking about marriage. I should have known better (I'm 42), but I fell for it. Soon after we became intimate, it slowly got worse, to the point we now are no longer intimate. He claims he is sick, but usually seems fine. He will not have sex with me at all, it almost seems he totally avoids any close contact. A hug now, or kiss is like I'm his sister. When I try to discuss it, he accuses me of being interested in sex only, so then I end up feeling guilty. I also see he has a bad temper. He can just blow up. Not like he'll hit me, but throw something or shout. I feel like he plays mind games, things get turned around and are suddenly my fault. One day he says that maybe we are too different and can't make it, the next day, wrote a note saying I didn't know if we would make it and he said he was "hurt". The last straw was I visited him tonight. He now acts funny about me staying over, so I had asked if it was ok. He said yes. Later in the evening, I thought he was acting strange, like his moods changed, so I said are you sure it's ok if I stay, again he said yes. An hour later, he said come back tomorrow. This is not the 1st time this scenario has played out. When I got upset, we walked out. As I was getting ready to leave, he said I was crazy for getting mad about it! Do I just need to walk away? One minute, he's warm, the next cold and distant. Bad moods, yes, depressed yes. The next minute, tells me he loves me.

To give you a different perspective, as a person with bipolar disorder I can only tell it's incredibly frustrating on our side as well. Personally I've given up on the idea of a romantic relationship in my life. Meds, no meds, it doesn't seem to make much difference. The mood changes made relationships extremely difficult to maintain. After 5 girlfriends since my marriage ended the patterns and eventual results are so predictable trying again simply seems foolish. I don't see that as being particularly negative, just realistic.

My last ex is my best friend, but I can tell you no matter how much she likes me and cares for me I know she'd never risk another romantic relationship with me, and I totally get that.

Reading the posts above makes me realise that am not alone. I am going through the same things. My BP boyfriend swept me off my feet, told me he loved me shortly after. Now 7 months after he's saying he doubts his feelings for me, does not have strong enough feelings to see a future with me. His words were very factual but so very painful - like he sliced my heart with a knife. He says its him, not me. He never did anything romantic for me, but I did not mind as I was happy just having his company and loved caring for him. He said its for both our sake that he has broken off the relationship. I just dont understand. I feel the pain all the time now. I care and love him so much. How do I move on? I can't help but hope he will come back to me, but I know its dreaming.

since I last replied to this thread ( as nemo9fish) and my opinion as a bipolar person remains unchanged. We are periodically charming but bad news in relationships. The divorce rate for our type is something like 90%, median income is substantially lower and our incarceration substantially higher than average. Count your blessings and move on to greener pastures.

My boyfriend just up and left 3 weeks ago after 2 yrs and a baby who's only 9mths old.It's was wonderful in the beginning. He was everything I could have wanted in a man. Now, He's a BIG flirt and he goes through all these mood swings. I don't know if he's bipolar or not. He has some OCD issues and his grandmother was skitzophrenic.He started wearing his hair all wierd and just CHANGED. I don't know who he is anymore. I'm so so hurt right now. He tells me he loves me but he just need some space. He acts as if I'VE DONE SOMETHING TO HIM. He talks sweet one minute and he's moody the next and doesn't want to talk. Don't want to be touched and I miss him so much. I just wish GOD would cut the strings that has my heart still attached so I can move on. He says..I'm not saying I don't want you...I'm just don't know..I need some space. I was the ideal girlfriend. Took care of him and did everything he wanted. I'M BROKEN! SHOULD I LET HIM GO? IS HE BIPOLAR? I JUST DON'T KNOW.

hun if you want to talk speak to me,my daughter was born in february and i really need someone who understands to talk to,bipolar disorder has wrecked my life and i have lost the person i love.

this is my greatest fear with my current bp girlfriend. On numerous occasions she has shut me out and won't return my calls. I have heard they do this, just take off or cut off relationships. Hope your situation improves

yes they do,he did the same to me.He even threw me out numerous times,told me he didnt love me.Things calmed down and i found out i was pregnant,half way through he went off the rails and made me move out.Its been a year now and he has been back and forth,threatened suicide,met a girl off the dating site and got obsessed.We tried again but he now says after 3 months he doesnt love me again and that he is sorry.Its gutting.

I totally understand confusion85. I lost my friend, the love of my life and it has torn me apart. He just left. He says he needs his space but he loves me. He's flirting now with all types of girls but when something goes wrong..He calls ME. It's hard to be there sometimes because he can say some of the meanest things in the world. Never wants to discuss...US..One minute he's kind and I feel like I have my friend back and then out of nowhere He can say things that just crush me. I am just tired of being on this roller coaster with him but I love him So much. I don't know what to do. We do need to talk.

To all of those either with Bipolar or a spouse or gf/bf that has it I understand. My husband of 3 years was diagnosed in 2007. The roller coaster is very hard at times. Actually as I speak he is going to the local hospital to be assessed. He was fine up until dinner and his mood changed in a blink of an eye to angry then bawling his eyes out. Since my husband has rapid cycles all I can do is wait it out and talk to him. It is finding the balance that is the most difficult and the most trying at times. I have seen major changes over the last few years in my husband. The only thing I can say is don't push! If they want you there, you will be there and if they don't it might be for the best. To those with the children, think of two people before him/her. Think about yourself and your kids. If they have an aggressive side sometimes it is better to back away and work on the issue later that way at least you can care for the kids in the right manor. I have a 1 and 2 year old so I can understand some of the things that are mentioned. Please take care of yourselves and I have you in my prayers. (Take it one day at a time but also don't wear your heart on your sleeve when things don't work out that day.....tomorrow can always be different)