Schizophrenia Forum - Muscle Tension Under Chin & Thinking Complex Thoughts

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Q: Muscle Tension Under Chin & Thinking Complex Thoughts

asked by: Philo on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

I. I stare at my books and certain ones look very compelling. They speak out to me, they are "mine", they attract me. Other ones look very negative, I have to reject them. I hate them, they are evil. So I'm collecting my "positive" books by my pillow. They are mostly historical books. Does it mean anything? Or is it a trap, like the many other times that I thought an answer was forthcoming? Should I study history? Read historical books? Is it the meaning of my life? Does it lead to anything?
II. There's something under my chin. It is a muscle tension. It is very evil. It obstructs my thoughts. When it appears, I hate it so much! I can't stand it! It should open up, go away. Sometimes it opens up half way. Then I can think. Thoughts come rushing to my mind, I can make notes and think complex thoughts. It feels great!

Replies(4)

HappyHappy

replied on July 21st, 2007

New User

In order to study history you would have to start at the beginning wouldn't you, and as far as I know no history book does that.

All paths lead to the grave.

What is the meaning of meaning again?

Your second matter sounds quite painful, dear god I hope that shhiite goes away, you don't need that.

Philo

replied on July 24th, 2007

Experienced User

Of course I agree, I would be studying available "histories", not HISTORY as such. The second matter IS painful, but there are bigger ones. I have so much evil in me! There's a lot of hate, loathing, and aggression, I can't live with it. At the same time I feel totally condemned, like I'm going to hell or some other bad place. There are thoughts telling me "You devil". I tried Christianity, and it only made it worse, and Buddhism, which is confusing and difficult, it lead me nowhere. My head is swimming and sometimes I can hardly walk my head is so full of thoughts. My body is weak and invaded by evil.

HappyHappy

replied on July 25th, 2007

New User

Holy Crap!

Let us just stop calling those books history for starters, no actually, let's just make up a word for what we are talking about, thats how all language began anyway. How about aeplamos? Is that okay, alright then.

You aren't living, you are dying, we all are.

You are already in a bad place, don't you feel good that one day you will be gone from it?

But yeah, this pretty much sucks. And I am sorry. I am part of it sucking though. Im sorry.

Philo

replied on July 26th, 2007

Experienced User

I don't think it ends with death. If meanings arise in life, they don't just die with the body. They go on living. This is why suicide is not an option. I think our rational mind dies, but the deep intuitive and "irrational" portion is not dependent upon the body. That's why the sickness might continue after death - it has to do with the "deep" portion of the mind.

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