I am not sure if anxiety is the right word
for my irritability, un-ease on-edge
feelings but I don't feel relaxed at any
given time. I want to be calm just like
other people. There is a constant noise in
my brain that I need to relax. Since I
don't know the name of my disorder I am
going to call it Anxiety.
In order to calm my feelings I am
medicating myself with alcohol. This has
started 8 years ago, when I was 27. (I am
35 now) Before that, I don't have any
drinking history. At the age of 27, I
realized that I was never calm in my life.
After a night out with a lot of drinks I
felt great. What a great discovery!!! I
wish I visited a doctor instead of
starting relying on alcohol. Since then I
am abusing alcohol. I used to smoke
cigarettes too but a while ago I realized
that it is doing nothing but adding to my
anxiety so I stopped smoking. (I don't do
any drugs)
Right now, I am an alcoholic. I can stop
drinking (I did it for a while) but I know
for fact that I am going to relapse if I
don't treat my anxiety appropriately.
Till now I tried several things. 6 years
ago, I went to a psychiatrist and she
prescribed me Paxil. Paxil made things
much much worse. After 3 months I realized
that it wasn't doing anything good so I
stopped taking paxil. This increased my
depression to a point where I started to
have suicidal thoughts.
After that, I turned my back to treatment
for a long time. I started seeing another
psychiatrist last year and with my request
he prescribed Valium. Valium was actually
the drug I needed it works great but I
read and experienced the fact that 1) Its
effects are very short term, I need the
same feeling longer term 2) I am afraid of
the fact that I am going to get addicted
to Valium, the last thing I need is
another addiction 3) I saw the tolerance
effects.
At the beginning of this year, even though
my feelings weren't great (they were
better than now) I started seeking help
through Reiki, Acupuncture i.e. eastern
medicine. I tried that for another 4
months and couldn't get help there either.
In the meantime, I am trying to do a
behavioral therapy by myself by writing
things down. Even though it helps a
little, it cannot fix the root cause of my
problem.
Through some internet research and some
documentaries, I know that we can look
inside the brain and treat the problem
with medications. I am open to medications
(very skeptical to SSRIs though as I had a
very bad experience) because I know that
my problem is biological rather than
anything else. I am saying it is
biological because I have this feeling
since I was 12. We need to tune things
down.
I also want to have an outpatient
treatment, if possible. The reason is that
I will be very bored and being inside will
add to my anxiety. So, we might do things
even worse. I want to windsurf, play
soccer and do water sports as these
natural activities relieve anxiety a
little bit. I am very sure that if we
resolve Anxiety problem and tune things
down, I will automatically stop drinking
and depression will go away.
Why am I seeking treatment now? Because I
don't want to wait until I crush and burn.
I am already seeing the effect of alcohol
on my brain: Very bad short term memory,
difficulty in concentration impaired
mental functions in general. And I cant
stand these feelings anymore.
I don't know where to start and any
referral / suggestion is highly
appreciated. I need a referral to a doctor
or a facility who can look inside my brain
and prescribe a medication that can solve
my problem and is not addictive. I live in
San Francisco, CA. If anyone experienced
the same / similar problem and found out a
solution with medication/treatment please
let me know. Thank you for your
time/help. It is time to get well!
It sounds like you and I have the same
problems. I have to have help with my
irritability, worry, fear, stress...I have
tried a variety of medications prescribed
by a psychiatrist, and I have a therapist
I meet with an hour a month. It took a
while of prescriptions and therapy, but I
did see significant improvement.
My suggestion is don't give up. Keep
seeing psychiatrists and psychologists, go
to therapy, and find what works for you.
Something will. I had a bad experience
with one medicine, but I'm on a
combination of others, now, that are very
helpful. They keep me functioning at a
normal level to be honest.
A word of warning: You are
self-medicating! You've got to get all
kinds of help and stop that. Be open to
therapy and finding which medications work
for you, but DON'T MIX THEM WITH
ALCOHOL!!! That just adds to addiction.
When you get off the alcohol and get the
right help for your anxiety, you will feel
much better and your health will be
better. I know. I've been down this
road. Keep seeking the help of programs,
doctors, and counselors! They're the
experts. Alcohol is just an addictive
band-aid.
|
metalcrystal
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 112 Location: most boring state, USA,
Hey, I have completely been there, trust
me. All my life, anxiety has been my
constant companion. Finally now I have
some peace, I am on meds. The thing about
them is:
You have to try several before you find
the exact one that is good for you. It can
be a long process, and you have to be
patient.Some of the anti-dep. drugs make
anxiety worse. Sometimes it is the dosage
that needs adjusting. Most should not be
taken with alcohol, they won't work as
well. Just remember, there are MANY
different kinds, and you can try as many
as you and your doctor see fit.
Since your anxiety has been going on
so long, I think you are right, it is a
chemical imbalance. There is no shame in
taking meds to help your illness.
And, you don't really need a
psychiatrist necessarily. My internist
treats me, and she is awesome. You can
have all the talk therapy in the world and
it won't fix a chemical imbalance. Talk to
you doctor .
You shouldn't have to live with this.
That's what medicine is for. The one I
take now is Cymbalta, it is a newer one.
My doctor had to adjust the dosage twice,
now it is perfect. I feel so much better.
The valium can help you short term,
until you get the right treatment going.
So can sleep meds if you can't sleep at
night because you are anxious. There are
new ones that don't leave you groggy in
the morning. Please let me know if I can
be of any help, Crystal
|
sfanx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jul 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 08-13-07 13:56pm
CHC, Crystal-
I cant agree more. I am in the mood of
keeping seeking help. Decreased alcohol
intake A LOT and feel a bit better now. It
is a long process I know to find the right
medication and treatment. I am on BuSpar
now.
One thing, I was thinking that brain
imaging would help to reduce the
time/effort in the process, just like
X-rays to diagnose the problem. It looks
like we are not there yet. It is still
pretty much trial and error.
I will keep everyone posted and thank you
for your responses.
|
metalcrystal
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 112 Location: most boring state, USA,
Posted: 08-13-07 16:34pm
sfanx
wrote:
CHC, Crystal-
I cant agree more. I am in the mood of
keeping seeking help. Decreased alcohol
intake A LOT and feel a bit better now. It
is a long process I know to find the right
medication and treatment. I am on BuSpar
now.
One thing, I was thinking that brain
imaging would help to reduce the
time/effort in the process, just like
X-rays to diagnose the problem. It looks
like we are not there yet. It is still
pretty much trial and error.
I will keep everyone posted and thank you
for your
responses.
OH yeah, Buspar is a good one, I forgot
about that. You are right, it is trial and
error! Good luck!
