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I got af this morning. Another month down the drain. This month, I didn't get back to temping until cd 15 when I expected to see a temp in the post-o range but didn't. When my temp jumped the next day I figured that I must have o'd on cd 15. However, if that was the case, then my luteal phase this month was only 10 days long. In the back of my mind I blame it on exercise but I'm trying to convince myself that it couldn't be because my exercise was a reasonable duration and wasn't intense.

Now I get to see an RE in two weeks. I was kinda hoping that I would get pregnant while waiting for my appointment, but I guess that didn't happen.

To top off my mood, my dh is starting to act like a jerk about the whole RE thing. I finally got him to read all the literature and his boxers are all in a twist about my having to bring his insurance card. He thinks that they are going to bill both of our insurances for the initial consult. He also wants to know more about what is entailed in the genetic screening and how much it would cost us. Plus, before even going to the initial consult, he wants a list of fees for every service that the RE does and how much is covered by our insurance. He refuses to fill out the medical history until I find out answers to all his questions. Some of these things are discussed at the initial consult, which we can't do until the RE has both of our histories.

I don't understand why he is making this so hard on me. I feel like I've done everything so far related to trying to get pregnant. He only has to bd when I'm fertile. He is uninterested in reading anything about what he could do to improve our chances and he doesn't want to admit we are having problems conceiving and we need to see this RE. I just feel like he is so unsupportive right now and is acting like he could care less if we ever get pregnant.

Sorry for ranting. I'm a bit emotional today.
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replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Im sorry Sad
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replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
I send you lots of baby dust Smile i hope next month is your month. Maybe you should talk to a fertility doctor Confused It might not be you, it could be him.... I really hope you get preggo next month. Im sorry he is making it hard for you. Did you tell him how stressed you are? Are you trying to just have fun???? Or are you doing it just to do it??
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replied July 19th, 2007
Experienced User
Way Longer Than I Intended... Srry
i know this is going to sound harsh and i really do not mean it that way. Most men feel differently about the act of concieving and having children. Most are content with just having sex and then Boom! we are having a baby! The End!. When you start talking like there is a problem, they get deffensive and do not know how to handle it. It is an emotional time and gets to the heart of every mans fear.. his verility. OMG what if it is my fault.. there is nothing wrong with me.. (rince and repeat) Sounds like before you procede any further, you need to sit down and talk WITH your husband not AT him. (i know because i did it too). I know when the desire to have a baby is SOOO strong, but after everything even if it happens you are still going to need EACHOTHER. this is just the begining of a long road and this is somthing that needs to be done together... not kicking and screaming... besides, sounds like you need a heart to heart and well some time off with eachother having spontaious fun and perhaps sex.. without the preoccupation of baby.
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replied July 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
shorty, I'm so sorry that af came and that dh is being a jerk right now. Try not to let him get you down. I posted this somewhere else, but I really think that guys just dont have the ability to fully understand what us girls go through each month. I have a supportive husband, but like your's he isn't interested in finding out how to increase our chances. If I suggest something, he just says "fine" with no other discussion. He just doesn't know how to communicate with me on that subject. It is almost kinda cute when we do, because he gets this look on his face like he is in 8th grade sex ed class.

Keep your chin up girl....Remember...we were both going to get our bfp in August....so it just wastn't time yet.

Good luck at your doctor's appointment at the re. You have to let me know what all you discussed with him.

Take care
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replied July 20th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Yesterday turned out to be a very bad day for me. I started trying to get everything together for the visit with the fertility specialist yesterday afternoon (at work). That just really put me in a bad mood and it made me feel like I had been kicked in the gut emotionally, which isn't a good way to feel at work. I was so depressed by the evening, I was in no mood to ride my bike home like I had planned. So I just took the subway.

So here is what happened... (I apologize in advance for the book)

My dh had questions about the costs that the fertility clinic charges because we have to pay 50%. Because we have separate insurance accounts (it's cheaper until you have a third member of the family), he also wanted to know when my account will be charged vs his account and whether both accounts would ever be charged for a service.

Because one of the things we have to bring to our first appointment is a preauthorization from our insurance company, I started there. The fertility clinic said it would only involve a phone call, so I figured I'd get that out of the way and then ask a few questions at the same time. The first thing I learned is that it will take a lot more than a phone call. The insurance company needs my PCP to send a written request on my behalf for the fertility treatments. They also need the same thing from my husband's PCP.

That sounds easy enough, except that my referral is from my OB/GYN, not a PCP. In anticipation of having a family, I switched to my dh's insurance company and had to change my PCP. I've never been to my new PCP, so my chances of getting a referral over the phone would be pretty slim.

My first idea was to see if I could switch my PCP to someone in the same hospital complex as my OB/GYN because then I might get an easy referral. One doctor there used to be my doctor before she changed locations, but my insurance company has her listed as "not accepting new patients". I called the insurance company and they said that I just had to talk to her to see and ask to be added to her panel. So I called her office and spoke to a referral nurse. Unfortunately, this my former doctor sees students at the University only now, so she cannot be my PCP. They did have other available doctors at that location but the next appointment isn't available until January 2008 Shocked ! The nurse also didn't think I would be able to get a referral over the phone unless the doctor knew me. But she did say that when I do find someone, I could have my OB/GYN chart sent to the doctor ahead of an appointment.

So when that failed, I decided to call the PCP assigned by my insurance company. I called to see when I could get in and they turned me down Shocked !!! This is the person whose name is on my insurance card and she turned me down as a patient Evil or Very Mad . So now I have to add getting a new PCP to my list of things to do before I can see a fertility specialist.

It just feels like there are all these roadblocks between me and getting tests to figure out why my dh and I can't get pregnant. After I got off the phone with my PCP, I couldn't handle doing anything more. All my fight was gone. I turned my back toward my office door and pretended to read so that no one passing my office could look in the window and tell I was upset.

When I got home, my dh and I had a long talk (I was pretty much in tears the entire time). I filled him in on what happened that day and I said that the way he brought up his questions in an ultimatum made it seem like he was a reluctant participant and it felt like he was adding to the stress of the situation instead of helping me overcome it. He assured me that he is as emotionally involved and desparately wants a kid, he just doesn't want someone preying on our emotions by not telling us ahead of time how much treatment is going to cost. He is going to try to make more of an effort to be sensitive and bring up issues in a better way.

Our plan now is to reschedule the RE consultation to give me time to get a PCP referral with the least amount of stress. My dh has been to his PCP recently, so he thinks his referral will be easy. We are going to try to get my dh's PCP assigned on the chance that it might help get the referral. I hate pushing the appt back but we really don't have much of a choice. We had the RE referral from my OB/GYN since April, but my dh wanted to wait a few months to try more. I'm so ready to find out why we are having problems and to start figuring out how to fix our problems.

My dh also suggested calling my OB/GYN to see if she can run some tests on me in the meantime. Afterall, part of my anxiety is related to the fact that I haven't been tested yet for any problems. I understand that the RE can better interpret the tests and can formulate a plan based on those tests, but can't anyone order the tests? (I should check with my insurance company.) My dh also wants me to "ask her for some Clomid." I think it is funny that he said this only because it is the one drug that our insurance covers. He may also know that it can aid ovulation. I told him that the drug had side effects and we didn't know yet whether it would help. He said, "It doesn't make you more moody does it?" Laughing

Anyway, I'm feeling better today. I'll call the fertility clinic to reschedule and see if they can send us any information on fees to help us gauge how much treatment will be. I'll also try to change my PCP and schedule an appointment. I'll also call my insurance company to see whether my OB/GYN can order fertility tests without a pre-authorization. Our insurance booklet includes "diagnosis" under the heading of "infertility services" but it doesn't talk about the pre-authorization.

My dh has also said that he is going to try to take the second at home sperm test soon. Remember that test? There are two tests per package. The first test said he had a low sperm count. I think that is why he is hesitant to take the second test. I told him that the reviews on-line seemed to indicate that when the test errs, it errs in the direction of false positives (i.e., saying sperm is low when it isn't). He decided that made sense because a home test shouldn't give false hope.

I'm also thinking about ordering that Conception Kit so that we feel like we are doing something to improve our chances relative to last month. I'm goal oriented, so I need to feel like I'm doing something toward reaching this goal.
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replied July 20th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Wow sweetie you sound like you have been getting the run around with your providers. I hate insurance companies and I hope that I don't have to deal with them. Do you have an HMO plan? I have a PPO plan and I don't have to have a Primary Care Physician. What insurance do you have if you don't mind me asking?

Im glad dh is being more understanding. I can understand how he feels about the money thing, my husband is the same way with stuff like that. I have no idea what my insurance covers. Reading that stuff gives me a headache because it confuses me so much.

I do remember the sperm test. Its good that he is willing to give that a shot again. I also think that conception kit is a good idea, and I have thought about it many times. Its just so expensive. I have seriously thought about recreating it and it would be a lot cheaper. you can get the silicon condoms off of ebay. I think durex has that kind. and you can get that instead cup also. I think if you can afford it, you should go for it, you never know, and it will keep you actively trying until you can get into the doctor.

Stay positive, you will get through this... I know how the insurance thing can get overwhelming, but just take one day at a time, and one issue at a time. You will be fine.

**((HUGS))**
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replied July 20th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I do have an HMO. It is MD IPA of the Mid Atlantic. I used to have Aetna. When comparing the two, we went back and forth a number of times. I can't even remember what finally tilted us toward my husband's insurance. I know that one of my dh's colleagues, who had that insurance, said that having a baby on that insurance cost hardly anything. I'm guessing now, they didn't have to go to a fertility specialist.

Thanks for the Hugs. I need it.

I was hesitant about the conception kit because of the cost as well, but it does have the opk strips, so it will cut the cost of the opk. Plus it is probably cheaper than 50% of a fertility treatment.
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replied July 20th, 2007
Experienced User
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. How long have you been trying to have a baby?
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replied July 20th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Since last September. I'm 37 now, so I can really hear my biological clock ticking.
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