Yesterday turned out to be a very bad day for me. I started trying to get everything together for the visit with the fertility specialist yesterday afternoon (at work). That just really put me in a bad mood and it made me feel like I had been kicked in the gut emotionally, which isn't a good way to feel at work. I was so depressed by the evening, I was in no mood to ride my bike home like I had planned. So I just took the subway.
So here is what happened... (I apologize in advance for the book)
My dh had questions about the costs that the fertility clinic charges because we have to pay 50%. Because we have separate insurance accounts (it's cheaper until you have a third member of the family), he also wanted to know when my account will be charged vs his account and whether both accounts would ever be charged for a service.
Because one of the things we have to bring to our first appointment is a preauthorization from our insurance company, I started there. The fertility clinic said it would only involve a phone call, so I figured I'd get that out of the way and then ask a few questions at the same time. The first thing I learned is that it will take a lot more than a phone call. The insurance company needs my PCP to send a written request on my behalf for the fertility treatments. They also need the same thing from my husband's PCP.
That sounds easy enough, except that my referral is from my OB/GYN, not a PCP. In anticipation of having a family, I switched to my dh's insurance company and had to change my PCP. I've never been to my new PCP, so my chances of getting a referral over the phone would be pretty slim.
My first idea was to see if I could switch my PCP to someone in the same hospital complex as my OB/GYN because then I might get an easy referral. One doctor there used to be my doctor before she changed locations, but my insurance company has her listed as "not accepting new patients". I called the insurance company and they said that I just had to talk to her to see and ask to be added to her panel. So I called her office and spoke to a referral nurse. Unfortunately, this my former doctor sees students at the University only now, so she cannot be my PCP. They did have other available doctors at that location but the next appointment isn't available until January 2008
! The nurse also didn't think I would be able to get a referral over the phone unless the doctor knew me. But she did say that when I do find someone, I could have my OB/GYN chart sent to the doctor ahead of an appointment.
So when that failed, I decided to call the PCP assigned by my insurance company. I called to see when I could get in and they turned me down
!!! This is the person whose name is on my insurance card and she turned me down as a patient
. So now I have to add getting a new PCP to my list of things to do before I can see a fertility specialist.
It just feels like there are all these roadblocks between me and getting tests to figure out why my dh and I can't get pregnant. After I got off the phone with my PCP, I couldn't handle doing anything more. All my fight was gone. I turned my back toward my office door and pretended to read so that no one passing my office could look in the window and tell I was upset.
When I got home, my dh and I had a long talk (I was pretty much in tears the entire time). I filled him in on what happened that day and I said that the way he brought up his questions in an ultimatum made it seem like he was a reluctant participant and it felt like he was adding to the stress of the situation instead of helping me overcome it. He assured me that he is as emotionally involved and desparately wants a kid, he just doesn't want someone preying on our emotions by not telling us ahead of time how much treatment is going to cost. He is going to try to make more of an effort to be sensitive and bring up issues in a better way.
Our plan now is to reschedule the RE consultation to give me time to get a PCP referral with the least amount of stress. My dh has been to his PCP recently, so he thinks his referral will be easy. We are going to try to get my dh's PCP assigned on the chance that it might help get the referral. I hate pushing the appt back but we really don't have much of a choice. We had the RE referral from my OB/GYN since April, but my dh wanted to wait a few months to try more. I'm so ready to find out why we are having problems and to start figuring out how to fix our problems.
My dh also suggested calling my OB/GYN to see if she can run some tests on me in the meantime. Afterall, part of my anxiety is related to the fact that I haven't been tested yet for any problems. I understand that the RE can better interpret the tests and can formulate a plan based on those tests, but can't anyone order the tests? (I should check with my insurance company.) My dh also wants me to "ask her for some Clomid." I think it is funny that he said this only because it is the one drug that our insurance covers. He may also know that it can aid ovulation. I told him that the drug had side effects and we didn't know yet whether it would help. He said, "It doesn't make you more moody does it?"
Anyway, I'm feeling better today. I'll call the fertility clinic to reschedule and see if they can send us any information on fees to help us gauge how much treatment will be. I'll also try to change my PCP and schedule an appointment. I'll also call my insurance company to see whether my OB/GYN can order fertility tests without a pre-authorization. Our insurance booklet includes "diagnosis" under the heading of "infertility services" but it doesn't talk about the pre-authorization.
My dh has also said that he is going to try to take the second at home sperm test soon. Remember that test? There are two tests per package. The first test said he had a low sperm count. I think that is why he is hesitant to take the second test. I told him that the reviews on-line seemed to indicate that when the test errs, it errs in the direction of false positives (i.e., saying sperm is low when it isn't). He decided that made sense because a home test shouldn't give false hope.
I'm also thinking about ordering that Conception Kit so that we feel like we are doing something to improve our chances relative to last month. I'm goal oriented, so I need to feel like I'm doing something toward reaching this goal.
i hope next month is your month. Maybe you should talk to a fertility doctor 
It might not be you, it could be him.... I really hope you get preggo next month. Im sorry he is making it hard for you. Did you tell him how stressed you are? Are you trying to just have fun???? Or are you doing it just to do it??
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