Sexual Health - Women Forum - Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances

AyaMiyaki

replied on July 18th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Cheating won't solve your problems with your wife. I would recommend marriage counseling and possibly sex therapy. If you feel there's no hope for your marriage, maybe divorce is the answer. But you will solve nothing by going outside of your marriage for sex. You won't be doing your children any favors by cheating on their mother.

Please... get help or move on. Don't be unfaithful.

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young Girl

replied on July 18th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

AyaMiyaki wrote:

Cheating won't solve your problems with your wife. I would recommend marriage counseling and possibly sex therapy. If you feel there's no hope for your marriage, maybe divorce is the answer. But you will solve nothing by going outside of your marriage for sex. You won't be doing your children any favors by cheating on their mother.

Please... get help or move on. Don't be unfaithful.

yeah i agree with AyaMiyaki...

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Llewellyn

replied on July 18th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

I understand your frustration. You can try couples counseling or sex therapy. You can even see if she would be willing to have an open relationship.

You can also leave if you want to. Relationships end, and that's ok. Even people with children break up. You are not obligated to stay just because you have kids. In fact, sometimes it's even better for the kids when the parents split up, especially if there is tension, yelling, fighting, etc.

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Tylanas

replied on July 18th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

the_girlfreind wrote:

AyaMiyaki wrote:

Cheating won't solve your problems with your wife. I would recommend marriage counseling and possibly sex therapy. If you feel there's no hope for your marriage, maybe divorce is the answer. But you will solve nothing by going outside of your marriage for sex. You won't be doing your children any favors by cheating on their mother.

Please... get help or move on. Don't be unfaithful.

yeah i agree with AyaMiyaki...

As do I. Being unfaithful will get you sex, but it won't fix your marriage; it will only break it. I would never cheat.

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young Girl

replied on July 18th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

"never leave the one you LOVE for the one you like because the one you like will only leave you for the one they LOVE"

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worrywart001

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances

knarf72 wrote:

HI,

I have known my wife for 12 years, married 8

during the 4 years that we went out we never had sex.. no oral nothing just kissing and petting over clothes the last two years.

She said she had a problem with having sex before marriage.. so i went along with it.

partly becuase i had premature ejaculation and i avoided the embarassment and stress of trying to successfully have sex

after marriage. it wasn't much better..
I give her oral, I barely got a short hand job sometimes. , i get no oral we have vaginal sex but i don't last too long because of my PE...

my PE has gotten worse because I feel like i'm raping her sometimes
i get the feeling that she doesn't want to participate--- or that the window to have sex with her is short because for her it is a moment of weakness and if she "thinks" it's over.

now i'm sick and tired of it, I want to get rid of the premature ejaculation problem but I want a willing partner.

she's not even disappointed that I have PE... I sometime wish she was... it would show me that she is a little interested.

is it wrong to want to have sex? is it a valid reason to packup and leave?

the only reason i'm not leaving is because i have kids.

i'm tring to be an honourable guy but it's harder and harder... we only live so long and we deserve a little sexual pleasure.

----------TRULY DEPRESSED----------------- Sad

\

why would you cheat on your wife just because she accepts the fact that you have PE??? if you wanna get laid and cheat on her with some other girl..i'm almost positive the other girl will be more dissappointed and complain about it...the fact that your wife loves you enough to accept it and not care is nice..and you're complaining because of that?...wow...i'm at a loss of words..all i can say is..in my personal opinion its NEVER ok to cheat..there is absolutely no reason that can justify you touching or being with another woman in that way if you're married...why dont you two talk about things...

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CaNdItAs CrAzY LaNd

replied on July 19th, 2007

Supporter

i would go in for counciling and talk to your dr about your pe.
like i told my hubby if you are gonna cheat then tell me and we will get a divorce cause you wouldnt cheat if you were happy so why cause more pain by cheating.

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Georgia59

replied on July 19th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

Why are you leaving out the information about her eating disorder/depression that you posted in the other post? It's important information.

If the sex has never been there, what do you like about her? Try to remember the reasons you got married in the first place.

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Willa Weintraub

replied on July 19th, 2007

Extremely eHealthy

under no circumstances (to me) is cheating ok.If you feel the need or you want to or are going to do so you may as well leave.It's not fair no matter what the situation

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worrywart001

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Georgia59 wrote:

Why are you leaving out the information about her eating disorder/depression that you posted in the other post? It's important information.

If the sex has never been there, what do you like about her? Try to remember the reasons you got married in the first place.

maybe the depression has something to do with it? lack of confidence? i dont know, but you guys should definitely talk about whats going on, dont attack her or anything and make it like its her problem, just tell her you're concerned and ask her what you can do to change or improve things

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Mabel

replied on July 19th, 2007

Supporter

Your title sounds like you are trying to justify cheating.

What would it matter what other people would do? What will you do?

If this is who your wife is, and it is what your relationship has always been (sounds kind of like it, but I wouldn't know because it is your relationship) then you need to think about how you got yourself into this. If this is a new aspect of your relationship, again, I think you need to think of how it became this way.

Cheating, having affairs, etc - will not change your marriage for the better. It will not help your PE. It won't solve a single of your issues. If this is what you need to do though, to make yourself happy, please end your relationship with your wife first. If your marriage truly is awful, there isn't any reason for anyone to stay in it and be unhappy, is there?

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knarf72

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife

Georgia59 wrote:

Why are you leaving out the information about her eating disorder/depression that you posted in the other post? It's important information.

If the sex has never been there, what do you like about her? Try to remember the reasons you got married in the first place.

--- the issue that I think has brought my wife to having an eating disorder was recent and i believe it started as a result of my wife getting the impression that I was having an emotional relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )

the reason I was having an emotional relationship with a co-worker is becuase i needed and still need to feel close with someone. I don't feel that with her... she keeps me at arms length.

I stopped the emotional relationship with the co-worker and my wife seems better. but I'm still not happy

It's not about sticking my PE penis in someone.. it's about being close with someone and being understoood.

my relationship is very hollow with my wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an emotional level.

I don't think I would go as far as having sex with someone but my current relationship really sucks and she doesn't want to work at it.

BTW with regards to your second question --- What I love about my wife is that she is truly a good person, a good hearted thoughtful person who would jump tp help anybody.

----------

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worrywart001

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife

knarf72 wrote:

Georgia59 wrote:

Why are you leaving out the information about her eating disorder/depression that you posted in the other post? It's important information.

If the sex has never been there, what do you like about her? Try to remember the reasons you got married in the first place.

--- the issue that I think has brought my wife to having an eating disorder was recent and i believe it started as a result of my wife getting the impression that I was having an emotional relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )

the reason I was having an emotional relationship with a co-worker is becuase i needed and still need to feel close with someone. I don't feel that with her... she keeps me at arms length.

I stopped the emotional relationship with the co-worker and my wife seems better. but I'm still not happy

It's not about sticking my PE penis in someone.. it's about being close with someone and being understoood.

my relationship is very hollow with my wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an emotional level.

I don't think I would go as far as having sex with someone but my current relationship really sucks and she doesn't want to work at it.

BTW with regards to your second question --- What I love about my wife is that she is truly a good person, a good hearted thoughtful person who would jump tp help anybody.

----------

you guys should work on rebuilding the relationship together, reminisc..talk about your first date or a trip or something when the relationship was good,are you sure she DOESN"T want to work at it? maybe she gets the feeling that you dont care to work at it...and if i were her I too would feel threatened if you were getting emotionally involved with another woman, maybe thats why shes being so defensive and stand offish...let her know that you are trying and that you do love her and that you're doing everything you can to hold you two together but you need her to cooperate, because if shes uninterested..then i'm not really sure where to go...

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knarf72

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances

worrywart001 wrote:

knarf72 wrote:

HI,

I have known my wife for 12 years, married 8

during the 4 years that we went out we never had sex.. no oral nothing just kissing and petting over clothes the last two years.

She said she had a problem with having sex before marriage.. so i went along with it.

partly becuase i had premature ejaculation and i avoided the embarassment and stress of trying to successfully have sex

after marriage. it wasn't much better..
I give her oral, I barely got a short hand job sometimes. , i get no oral we have vaginal sex but i don't last too long because of my PE...

my PE has gotten worse because I feel like i'm raping her sometimes
i get the feeling that she doesn't want to participate--- or that the window to have sex with her is short because for her it is a moment of weakness and if she "thinks" it's over.

now i'm sick and tired of it, I want to get rid of the premature ejaculation problem but I want a willing partner.

she's not even disappointed that I have PE... I sometime wish she was... it would show me that she is a little interested.

is it wrong to want to have sex? is it a valid reason to packup and leave?

the only reason i'm not leaving is because i have kids.

i'm tring to be an honourable guy but it's harder and harder... we only live so long and we deserve a little sexual pleasure.

----------TRULY DEPRESSED----------------- Sad

\

why would you cheat on your wife just because she accepts the fact that you have PE??? if you wanna get laid and cheat on her with some other girl..i'm almost positive the other girl will be more dissappointed and complain about it...the fact that your wife loves you enough to accept it and not care is nice..and you're complaining because of that?...wow...i'm at a loss of words..all i can say is..in my personal opinion its NEVER ok to cheat..there is absolutely no reason that can justify you touching or being with another woman in that way if you're married...why dont you two talk about things...

I hate having PE...it's destorying my soul, and it's not about [edit] someone else it's about being close with someone...It is good that she doesn't mind about my PE but I wish she did ..so we could be closer...

Cheating in many cases has very little to do with SEX..

I think it's about a loss connection with someone...

it looks like my wife doesn't want to work at this... and I'm very sad

It's funny I read this over and I know I won't cheat on her but.. I miss the connection know what I mean?

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knarf72

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Re: Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife

worrywart001 wrote:

knarf72 wrote:

Georgia59 wrote:

Why are you leaving out the information about her eating disorder/depression that you posted in the other post? It's important information.

If the sex has never been there, what do you like about her? Try to remember the reasons you got married in the first place.

--- the issue that I think has brought my wife to having an eating disorder was recent and i believe it started as a result of my wife getting the impression that I was having an emotional relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )

the reason I was having an emotional relationship with a co-worker is becuase i needed and still need to feel close with someone. I don't feel that with her... she keeps me at arms length.

I stopped the emotional relationship with the co-worker and my wife seems better. but I'm still not happy

It's not about sticking my PE penis in someone.. it's about being close with someone and being understoood.

my relationship is very hollow with my wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an emotional level.

I don't think I would go as far as having sex with someone but my current relationship really sucks and she doesn't want to work at it.

BTW with regards to your second question --- What I love about my wife is that she is truly a good person, a good hearted thoughtful person who would jump tp help anybody.

----------

you guys should work on rebuilding the relationship together, reminisc..talk about your first date or a trip or something when the relationship was good,are you sure she DOESN"T want to work at it? maybe she gets the feeling that you dont care to work at it...and if i were her I too would feel threatened if you were getting emotionally involved with another woman, maybe thats why shes being so defensive and stand offish...let her know that you are trying and that you do love her and that you're doing everything you can to hold you two together but you need her to cooperate, because if shes uninterested..then i'm not really sure where to go...

thanks ..

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Tylanas

replied on July 19th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

I'm sorry, but if you don't want to work through her mental issues first, you're never going to get good sex. She has serious mental problems and they need to be worked on.

How would her caring about your PE make you closer?

PE is your problem, you need to get out there and start research to help it get better because it IS possible. She can't care about your PE because she has issues herself.

Having problems doesn't make you bad people, however, I just don't see your relationship being a healthy thing for either of you at this point...

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worrywart001

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

hey is it possible to take her to the place where u guys had your first date? u know..kinda like a "lets start over" thing...then u can be romantic and talk about past good times and how you really want this to work..try to reconnect you know..start fresh...I really hope things work out with you guys, best of luck to you and try to keep your head up as frustrating as it can be...when I'm going through a tough time it always helps to hold on to the great times i've had with my man and realize that THAT is what i'm holding on to and fighting for..and i tell myself, maybe things aren't ok now..but i'm not gonna give up, because I KNOW they can go back to the way they were and i'm gonna do anything and everything I can to fix it

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AyaMiyaki

replied on July 19th, 2007

Especially eHealthy

My advice for anybody and everybody in any kind of relationship: be open and honest about your feelings. If you feel like your relationship is hollow, you need to let her know. If you feel she's closed herself off from you, tell her. If you think she has problems that she isn't able to handle, talk to her about maybe seeking therapy. And if you don't feel you can continue on, ask yourself if it's maybe time for you to move on.

Your answer lies within the four corners of your house - and possible a counselor's office. You will solve nothing in another woman's arms. That's like trying to stick a bandaid on cancer. It just won't do anything, buddy.

I'm not sure you should be thinking of this as "I need to feel close to someone". You should be thinking of this as "I need to feel close to my wife". Help her find help with her eating disorders. Help her find help with depression, if need be. You probably need some help too, from the sound of it. You sound very lonely and depressed yourself, which is only natural after coping with this for so long.

But again, cheating is not your answer. Emotional affairs aren't your answer.

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knarf72

replied on July 19th, 2007

Experienced User

Merci

Thank you all for your comments... they really get the wheels turning.

it's nice to unload what I'm thinking and get honest answers

thank you ---- thank you ----- thank you -----

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