Terrified , Depressed And Feeling Alone Posted: 07-17-07 17:20pm
i am about 8 weeks pregnant, i was so
happy when i found out. now its becoming
real, im sick all the time, i dont want
sex, my boobs hurt, im tired and very
grumpy and already look 4 months gone. i
have suffered with depression for over a
year, been trying different pills but they
all hav side affects which dont agree with
me. im getting so low im beginning to wish
i wasnt pregnant. i feel awful for even
writing it. i have had problems with PID
in the past and i was on the pill so this
baby is a miracle! now PID has come back
im having severe pain in my womb and
sometimes i just want my baby to fall out
and have all the pain go away. i cant talk
to my boyfriend about this because he
doesnt understand and he wants this baby.
we have told everyone and i will feel
ashamed if i had a abortion. im so low
that i dont even want to be with my
boyfriend. we live together and we love
eachother but this baby i can only see it
will ruin my life. dads can always just
walk away. i know a baby is amazing and i
will love it as soon as i will see it but
i have to admit im selfish. i miss
drinking already, (i would never drink
while pregnant, i watched a programme
about FAS and its awful)i miss going out
with my friends. i buy clothes any time i
want. get up when i want. i dont think
twice about buying a pair of jeans for
£130 or a top at £50. i dont want to
spend my money on a baby, im only young
and buying myself stuff is my way of
coping with shutting the world away, if i
feel low i buy a top or some shoes. on the
other hand its here and i should take
responsibility. i dont feel attached to it
at the moment. my boyfriend hugs me and
kisses my tummy and just looks at it. im
scared of getting fat. im terrified of it.
i dont want post natal depression and im
scared i will. im scared of it all and no
one seems to understand my state of mind
before this happened, no one has a chance
now. i dont know what to do. i do believe
childrens personalitys form in the womb
and they feel everything. i dont want a
child who gets depressed like me, i have
probaly ruined it already. it knows i dont
want it but i dont want to give it up. i
just dont know what to do.
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2700
Thanks: 6
Thanked:1
Posted: 07-18-07 17:36pm
I know how you feel. I was depressed most
of my pregnancy. I didn't tell anyone
until afterward and my problems got a lot
worse. I felt guilty for feeling that
way. I was "supposed" to be a happy
glowing pregnant woman full of love and
life and blah blah blah. But I wasn't I
just felt terrible and sad and alone. On
my birthday I refused to leave my house
and I wouldn't talk on the phone. I urge
you to speak with your care provider about
this. I think it might help you to seek
the advice of a counselor. But don't
berate yourself. Not all pregnant women
look like they do on TV and in the movies.
Some of us are grumpy teraful emotional
messes, but it will pass with the right
care and treatment. My heart goes out to
you, I do know how you feel. Please
continue to post here for support. I
assure you, you are not alone!
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-18-07 17:45pm
i get depressed sometimes but im not
constantly sad i hope you feel
better though
if you ever need to just talk or anything
just let me know ok?
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
<3 Posted: 07-18-07 18:57pm
It is very understandable to feel this
way. Having a baby is life changing.
I think you need to talk to someone like
maybe a therapist maybe even your doctor
can find a deppreession med. with low side
affects for you and baby. Take a breather.
Were all here if you need to talk. <3
Wish you the best of luck.
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Jennifer-grace
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jul 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 07-27-07 18:37pm
thank u all for your replies. have had a
bad week with my boyfriend, we are no
longer living together because of my moods
and stuff. its becoming difficult to have
a rlationship with anyone especially him.
but i did go to my doctor and i am seeing
a few different people for medication,
counselling and stuff, my boyfriend wont
come back home until i get help. and as
for our baby, i am terrified but im sure
when i have my first scan in a couple of
weeks i will be fine. i am warming to the
idea of becoming a mum and hopefully i
will be ok at it. i know i am always going
to be depressed, its just finding a way to
cope with it. my boyfriend cant wait to be
a dad and even if we dont get back
together straight away i will always have
his support. thank u for all ur replies,
they really cheered me up. x
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2700
Thanks: 6
Thanked:1
Posted: 07-28-07 08:39am
It sounds like you have taken positive
steps in the right direction. You don't
always have to be depressed. I know it
feels like it will never ever end, but
hold out hope that some day you may not
feel like this. Many people recover, and
you could too! I am here for you.
i hope you feel
better though
