a 5 year old getting an allowence?

correct me if i misread please.. haha...
hmm..
Well I've taken psychology classes and I think positive reinforcements are the best way to handle situations. If the kid starts acting up, ignore her. Don't punish or reward her.. she's going to get the attention she's been seeking.

Reward the good she's done.
Ignore the bad.

and the green yellow red stop light thing sounds good also. ^__^

she should start getting allowence when she's 12-13
haha not at 5.
oh btw, I have a 5 year old sister. It's perfectly normal for kids to act that way.. they do it for attention and imitate older people and things on t.v. i think all of us were pretty mischievous when we were younger! haha.

goood luckk<3

Well when I say allowance, I am talking about a dollar or two. Something that she can put in her piggy bank and save. I wasn't talking about a real allowance.

Her chores are like bringing her plate to the sink and putting her clotes and toys away and making her bed. Little stuf.

i see.. hmm..
well my main concern that she might demand more.. and then she might value money too much? I don't 5 year olds should be tainted with the knowledge of moneys worth. Reward her with something else instead of money, kids don't really care about that stuff except for the fact that it's shiney. Something more valuable to them... ? toys? candy? videos? *shrugs*

i think ignoring the bad is completely silly (sorry, don't mean to offend anyone) but you need to teach your child that there are consequences to their actions. when they're older and in the real world and they act bad their actions aren't going to be ignored, so why teach them that?

if you ignore every bad thing that they do they're going to continue doing bad things because they know they can get away with it!

i think the allowance thing is a good idea. even at 5 years old, give her 5 dollars at the end of the week and let her save it or pick out her own toy at the store, i think it's cute.

I give my five year old an allowance. She can get up to a dollar a week for doing her "chores" which consist of taking her dishes to the sink when she is done with them, cleaning up her toys in all rooms of the house after dinner, and helping out every once in a while. I think that this is helping to teach her what money is, that it is a finite resource, and how to save her money for things she wants. For example, she really wanted to buy herself a pair of crocs. She saved until she had 10 dollars. Unfortuneately when we went to Payless, they were out of her size and it was back-ordered by 2 months. In a way this was a good lesson for her, because had she not used her money for other things, maybe she would have been able to get her crocks when they were still in stock. So then she had the choice to buy something else, or wait. She chose to wait because she really wants a pair of crocs.

yes, punishment is usually negative reinforcement. If you don't pay attention to the child, that's a form of punishing. If you keep punishing the child for what they are doing, they might even come numb to it. I choose positive reinforcement over negative because there's a better attitude towards it, and easier to remember for the kid. It also effects their hostility to others as well, not to mention the fear instilled in them.

I'm talking about if your kid is having tantrums. Of course you have to teach your kid what they can and can not do, tell them to stop and such. Let the kid know that you are upset that they are doing that CALMLY, and ignore. They will get th message and stop misbehaving. Kids love attention, that's why the act up.

You can use both positive and negative reinforcement on the same child... And personally, punishment by "ignoring" the issue seems silly to me as well (no offense). If my mother had ignored the bad behavior of me not picking up my toys, they never would have gotten picked up. If she'd ignored my screaming I would have eventually stopped out of boredom, but not because I felt I was being "punished". Secondly, letting a child wail away doesn't teach them that there are inappropriate places to screech, like stores and restaurants. Punishing the child by removing them from the premesis is annoying for the parent, but often the child doesn't want to leave, they want attention, so leaving the store punishes them by removing the attention they were getting. You get home and put them in the corner for yelling in the store, so that way "going home" is part of the punishment. They don't get to go home from yelling in a store and play with toys; no, they have to go sit in a chair and be punished for 5-10 minutes. This teaches them that adverse behavior has bad ramifications.

Exactly what her "allowance" was meant for. I don't even know if it's that much, but regardless, she thinks it is the coolest thing to go to the store and give the cashier the money and she gets to take home her toys.

I talked to my niece on the phone and she told me about her red light/green light and I asked her what happens when she gets a red light and she said "I get in biiiiggg trouble" She understands that she will have consequences for her negative actions.

Negative behavior should not be ignored. I have seen plenty of kids whos parents ignore their behavior and I just want to ring the kids and the parents neck when the child is acting out in public. Its ridiculous.
I think that a negative stimulus should be removed and ignored if causing problems like if kids are fighting over something. How do you expect a child to understand what is unacceptable behavior if you don't teach them the difference between right and wrong?

I don't think that you are "tainting" a child with teaching them about the value of money. It is a fundamental subject that everybody must learn. It is a wonderful technique for teaching a child how to count. I also agree with sillyak that it teaches them the value of saving and what it means to not always get what you want when you want it.

punishment: Let's see.. Well, i think that when a child throws a tantrum in front of you for not getting what they want. You should ignore it. If they are acting out in public you should pull the kid aside and sit them down. To me, that's not negative punishment. As long as there's no hitting or yellin involved. Explaining calmy, with a stern voice (and facial expression) should do the trick. If they're still acting up just put them in "time out" I grew up with a family of 9 brother and sisters. I practically raised them up myself.. Negative reinforcement such as yelling and hitting just make the kids more aggressive or even withdrawn. I like to deal with kids in a more friendlier way. They'll learn to appreciate it in the future and have a lighter attitude towards things.

and for the allowence.
Sure, I mean if that's what you think is best for your niece.. then go ahead and enjoy (=
It's just I've grown up with kids who were brought up that way, and in the end as they reach adolescent years, they demand more. They even get greedier. I know a friend whose mentality is "money hungry" she doesn't notice it, but she is. Always saving up her own but sucking all the coins and llint in other people's money. I'd like to introduce money to a kid later on, and use toys as rewards instead. Anyway, I think positive reinforcements (rewards) are great for teaching kids.
Right on.

Well I am pretty sure it is not up to me if I think it is best for my niece. She isn't my child. That is the way my brother and I were raise with a small allowance that we can save up and spend on a toy. I didn't grow up to be "money hungry" If anything, I am stingy with my money because I don't like to just throw it away on needless items just because I have the money. I learned how it is important not to blow your money, but to save it.If you don't teach kids the value of money, then when they get older, they would probably be prone to blowing any money they have instead of seeing the benifit of saving the money for something more meaningful.

Anywho...
What are some other ways that you encourage your children to behave? Like what kind of punishment and reward systems do you girls do with your children?

i just wanted to say something about the "ignoring" and "negative punishment"
I know a kid who was never punished for anything he did. His parents always bailed him out of whatever trouble he got into and it was never his fault.
he wrecked his car, it was not his fault and they ignored that he was disobeying the law..
He got so many traffic violations that he was in court and if he got one more speeding ticket he was getitng his license suspended for 6 months.
but because he did not know consequences for his actions, and the night after he went to court he was speeding (with 5 other boys in the truck with him) and a cop saw him. Not thinking of anything but not getting his license taken away and knowing that his parents would bail him out if anything happened he ran from the cops.
This chase ended the life of my best friend, because this boy did not understand that he too had consequences in life..

I will never ignore my childs behavior... ever... because of things like this..
sorry that is just my personal experience... but i know it happens everyday

Obviously you can't ignore some behavior. You have to pick your battles. Some things are best left ignored if they are attention seeking behavior. If you don't pay attention to it, the child will learn that is not an effective way to get your attention.

For example: Let's say your kid is in the back seat of the car kicking your seat to get your attention. You can say "Gee, if you want my attention, then you need to use words to let me know what you are needing. If you kick my seat, I will not respond to you". And then, don't respond to it. You will have to grit your teeth a bit here, because it will drive you nuts. Eventually the child will notice that they don't get any attention for this.

Obviously, you can't ignore a child running into the street. That has to be met with different consequences becuase it is not attention-seeking behavior. It is dangerous.

We need to remember that discipline and punishment are not the same thing. Discipline refers to the manner in which we raise our children and the structure we set for them. These are the guidelines for behavior. What I have found is that natural consequences are very effective in altering behavior, as well as stating expectations. Children function best when the consequences for their actions are predictable and consistent.

For example: If i tell my child to pick up her toys in the yard so that I can mow after lunch and she does not do it, then barbie dolls get their heads mowed over by the lawn mower. "Look, I see that your toys did not get picked up, and as a result, they were ruined by the lawn mower. I am so sorry that happened".

Another Example: We are going to the store, and while we are there I expect you to sit in the cart and behave yourself. That means no yelling, and no telling me "I want, I want". If you can remember this, then we will go to the park afterward" The child knows what is expected.

My biggest problem is caving in to tears. I hate it when y children cry, but I really have to remember to stick to my guns, or discipline is ineffective.

This is what works for me.

very well said and great point of view...
thank you so much..
and i totally agree with you.

That was very well put. Thanks,

I just wanted to say that my mom used to do this with us. All she had to do was go towards the garage to get that lawn mower and we were running out the door to pick up our toys.

Thank you Sillyachick! That is exactly what I was trying to get at.

I'm kind of on the fence about the allowance issue. I think that an allowance is a good tool for instilling a good work ethic and financial responsibility in children. But I also think that as they get older it creates a "mercenary" (for lack of a better word) mindset. I think the majority of children with allowances grow up expecting to be paid for everything that they do. I think I would also have some chores that I expected to be done without payment in addition to the paying ones to teach personal and familial responsibility.

To the original issue of discipline, I'll just say I was raised the old fashioned way and I turned out to be a law-abiding, responsible, productive citizen. And if it was good enough for me then it's good enough for my son.

yeah i agree too. i'm thinking that's what she (pronetoillness) meant was that you shouldn't give attention to the negative behavior by reacting to it. like they do on supernanny (lol, i love that show) she tells parents to deal with it but don't react to it. like you give them a warning, tell them why they are getting a time out or whatever, then don't talk to them again until they have stopped the behaviour and apologized. then, on the flipside, you make sure to reinforce the positive behaviours with praise and rewards. you also have to take into consideration what the children are capable of, like whether they really have the attention span to sit in a cart for 40 minutes while you shop without some kind of distraction or involvement along the way. like, bring them toys and books or get them to help with the shopping. just an example. i think sillyakchick put it very well.

and the allowance thing. i think if it becomes something you use to bribe your kids into good behaviour, you're gonna end up regretting it because they will demand more and more. i think it should be a separate thing from the reward and punishment system. i will probably leave a lot of that up to my fiancee because he is so responsible with money and i am a little bit less so, although i am learning a lot from him. i was never given an allowance and never encouraged to get a job until i was over 18 so i learned about money the hard way, on my own. i believe there is value in teaching kids about money but it doesn't necessarily have to start when they are 5. i think it's a personal choice. i might wait until they are a little older, but then again it's a good way to teach them some math as well.

thank you so much hun ^___^