When I was 16 I was with a guy who already had 1 child and was 2 years older than me. I got pregnant by him and he was so happy...I, by no means was in the position to have a child...I was a high school drop out, had no real income and again, I was 16, I couldn't even drive a car yet. Plus he already had a child that he spent no time with at all. So I explained to him that I couldn't do it and he was a little upset but he understood. I was too afraid to tell my family and didn't know where to turn for birth control. I ended up having an abortion at 10 weeks and it was a horrible experience for me, I felt like I was being run through a mill and swore I would never do it again. The guilt just killed me.
When I was 17, a few months shy of my 18th birthday I ended up pregnant again by him...I was on birth control by this time though, and I assumed I was very fertile. Not but 2 weeks after I found out that I was pregnant I found out that the mother of his child was pregnant as well....she claimed that it was his and he denied it and sweared he was faithful...I believed him. I was so happy when I found out and told him I wanted to keep it. He was excited as well. One week after we shared the joy and news with friends he came to me and told me that it wasn't the right time and that my parents were going to make things difficult and he didn't think that it would work if we had a baby...I was beside myself, my parents wanted nothing to do with me when I told them so I couldn't turn to them and he broke up with me...at this point I was 16 weeks. Another week went by and I realized that without the support from my family or him I was on my own and at that point I was living with his sister because I had no one else. I ended up calling him and telling him that I was going to go through with it but that he ruined my life by making me feel like I was backed against a wall and had to do it again, he swore the first time he would never let it happen again...I went and did it again. This time the place was worse, and I just felt so much worse because I was so attached to the baby already. Seven months after all of this he and I were seeing each other on and off and I got a call from the mother of his child telling me that she gave birth and the baby was his and that it looked just like him. It broke my heart..."why can she have your baby but not me" was what I thought. I called him and he confirmed that it was his child and apologized and gave me the song and dance that it was only one night he was with her...yeah right..I ended up telling her that I was pregnant after her son was born and she was very upset...but oh well I didn't care she knew about me and as far as I knew they were not together from what I saw when I saw them in person, they were not together. So to me it wasn't a huge surprise for her.

I am not happy about what I have done, there is still a hole in my heart from it. He feels nothing about it really and doesn't care...we no longer speak. I look at my life now and have a wonderful 7 year old with my fiance who I love very much. I think about where I would be and if I would have her if I had the others and know that I probably wouldn't so I am thankful for her. My ex now has 6 kids total that he has nothing to do with emotionally or financially...5 with the first child's mother and 1 with my best friend...yes my best friend (obviously not my best friend anymore). So I suppose it was definitely the best choice at the time. I would never do it again but I can understand where people are coming from if and when they need to do it. I just wanted to share my story...