Medical Questions > Womens Health > Sexual Health - Women Forum

My Wife Is Asexual -- Need Advice From Women (Page 1)

Must Read
Menstruation is a woman's normal monthly menstrual period. But what are the signs of abnormal periods? When is vaginal bleeding serious?...
Regular vaginal bleeding vagina is a sign of healthy menstruation. What signs and symptoms point to menstrual problems? Read on to learn the difference....
Menstrual irregularity means that something is wrong. Learn how to identify the signs and symptoms of an irregular period to prevent larger problems later...
User Profile
Hi,

my wife has no interest in sex, and she's very shy to even talk about it..


can you give me advice to get her to think about this ??

I've been really understanding but it'll been a long time and i'm starting to get upset.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied July 16th, 2007
Experienced User
I am right there with you. I am so frustrated and annoyed at this point. I never talked to anyone about this before and came on here but I have been so stressed about it lately that I called my best friend (a guy) for advice...he didn't have much to tell me though he just said to try something different...doesn' work that way. I am curious to see what others will say I need advice on this too.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 16th, 2007
Experienced User
What's Up With Him
Ask him what's bothering him. maybe it's work stress related.. maybe he's interested in someone else...

bug him about it.. you'll get some kind of answer
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 17th, 2011
Saw your post from 2007--where are you at now with her?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 17th, 2011
Asexual wife
Saw your post from 2007--where are you at now with her? I'm in the same spot--no bulemia--just no desire on her part since kids came along...I'm talkin' none.
Kids are almost 16 now, I've kept sanity with an affair with coworker, but plan on moving when kids are off to college.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 16th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Very Happy porn :]
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 17th, 2007
Experienced User
the_girlfriend you crack me up. Porn is your answer for everything...lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 17th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
womaninpain wrote:
the_girlfriend you crack me up. Porn is your answer for everything...lol


it works im tellin ya!!!!!!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 17th, 2007
Supporter
Wine
Wine or Capn Morgan works too! If she is too shy to even discuss this with you, there is no way she will participate in watching porn. She was once into you otherswise she would not have been your wife. What happened along the way? Could be somehting medical as well?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 17th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: Wine
Fairy*Godmother wrote:
Wine or Capn Morgan works too! If she is too shy to even discuss this with you, there is no way she will participate in watching porn. She was once into you otherswise she would not have been your wife. What happened along the way? Could be somehting medical as well?


yep fairy godmother has a point
Cool
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Well Now That You Mention It
she has super low self esteem and she has come to being bulimic and anorexic.

let's just say that it's starting to get to me on many levels


I'm taking her to therapy with me so we can work this out..
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: Well Now That You Mention It
knarf72 wrote:
she has super low self esteem and she has come to being bulimic and anorexic.

let's just say that it's starting to get to me on many levels


I'm taking her to therapy with me so we can work this out..



Well if she has super low self esteem and an eating disorder why are you even asking?? That's your problem.

The lack of interest in sex is not the main problem, it is just a symptom. This woman needs some help and patience from an understanding man. Therapy is a very good start. For both of you. She will need help with these other problems before sex is even considered.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Supporter
I Agree
I agree with Georgia59 in that lack of sexual drive is the least of your worries. If you love this woman, you will continue to take her to therapy and be there for her. You will understand that this bulimic and anorexic BS she is trying to cope with is all about control. Her weight is the one thing she believes she has control over....but in reality she feels she's lost control over everything. Of course she doesnt' want ot have sex.......Who even thinks about sex when their self esteem is low. If you can't feel good about yourself, you sure a hell don't think others find you attractive. I feel sorry for your wife and yes I feel for you too. IT takes time and patience and understanding. If she is willing to go to therapy to keep your marriage on the right track, thats at least trying I'd say. Until she starts to feel some control over her own life.......you could help her out....you have a hand don't you? USE it and support her thorough this. Laughing
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
tell her shes beautiful..make her feel good about herself (even if she doesnt seem to be listening) it always makes a woman feel better..let her catch you checking her out lol..it just seems like some of the flare has gone..maybe she thinks since now you're married you've lost or are going to lose interest.

the bulemic thing is definately an issue..and it won't stop right away..but be there for her..let her know how much you care and how much you love her..every inch of her Very Happy
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Re: Well Now That You Mention It
knarf72 wrote:
she has super low self esteem and she has come to being bulimic and anorexic.

let's just say that it's starting to get to me on many levels


I'm taking her to therapy with me so we can work this out..


bulimia and anorexia are very serious phsychiatric illness. If they are not caught early over the years the chance of recovery is low resulting in death. I would be very but very concerned about this issue before even going to sexual issues.

Man i saw this interview of a girl that has struggled anorexia for many years and omg she is being in medical therapy full time for several months and still she hates food and she was very clear saying that this eating disorder needs to be diagnosed quick and be treated quick before it's too late.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: to Thelmas4sale
HI Thelma,

just some info on bulimia and anorexics -- never compliment them on how they look...either way is bad. it actually encourages them to diet more...

thanks for the good intentions

you guys really help..
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 18th, 2007
Anorexic/asexual
Sad
Good for you for caring. It is a time for you to put your own desires aside and do everything that you can to take care of your wife. Anorexia is a serious disease. It is not a 'fad' or a 'mood' that someone can snap out of. Your wife needs medical attention and she needs you there to tell the Dr. what is going on with her health. There are many factors that trigger anorexia and low-self esteem. Then the lack of interest in sex follows because sex is a pleasure. Someone with a disease as severe as anorxia can not contemplate pleasure. Please treat the situation very seriously and get help.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Granny Respoonse
HI,

put my feelings aside is difficult after 12 FKN years of a sexless marriage, but I am doing that....

her bulimia/anorexia started when she got the inclination that I was having an emotional (non sexual) relationship with a co-worker.

I started an emotional relationship with a coworker becuase everyone needs to be close with someone.

I quickly stopped the emotional relationship with the coworker and my wife seems better.

We're going to therapy but i'm giving it x amount of time before I pack it up.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 19th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
She needs specific treatment for her eating disorder too, not just couples therapy. Though that is necessary too so you can learn how to cope with her illness.

What she has is an illness. If you had a wife with cancer, would you leave her because she couldn't have sex? She needs help right now. I realize it's not easy for you, but you did promise "in sickness and in health", right?

Sorry to sound mean, but I really feel for women with eating disorders.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 19th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Re: Well Now That You Mention It
knarf72 wrote:
she has super low self esteem and she has come to being bulimic and anorexic.

let's just say that it's starting to get to me on many levels


I'm taking her to therapy with me so we can work this out..


maybe her low self esteem self image is why she doesn't like sex as much have you ever told her how sexy she is to make her want to sleep with you?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 19th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: Well Now That You Mention It
Dale123 wrote:
knarf72 wrote:
she has super low self esteem and she has come to being bulimic and anorexic.

let's just say that it's starting to get to me on many levels


I'm taking her to therapy with me so we can work this out..


maybe her low self esteem self image is why she doesn't like sex as much have you ever told her how sexy she is to make her want to sleep with you?


I've become somewhat of an expert on anorexia and bulimia and talking about physical appearance with someone that has an eating disorder can trigger her to start up on one of her starvation diets again... i kind of have to walk on egg shells with talking about physical appearance. thanks for the advice i know it was ment with good intentions
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 19th, 2007
Experienced User
the_girlfreind wrote:
Very Happy porn :]


haha it makes me laugh, everytime i see something about a boring sex life or lack of interest in sex i see you posting "porn"..it just makes me laugh..i dunno why...i'm thinking about doin the whole watching porn with my bf thing...i dunno, sometimes I feel slightly insecure for some reason, i feel like he may compare me to the porno girl or something..and i honestly have NO IDEA why i feel that way because he always tells me he loves me and how beautiful he thinks i am etc...i'm just weird like that, but..i'm considering it..i think it'd be something new and not so extravagant to spice up the sex life...OH OH OH!!! AND..i JUST bought him a new home theater system for his birthday! so..buying a porno dvd for him along with it would TOTALLY catch him off guard haha hmmm...lightbulb Very Happy
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12 >>