Dating a Bipolar Person ? Posted: 07-16-07 00:06am
The guy I’ve been seeing recently told
me he was diagnosed bipolar. I didn’t
ask a lot of questions because I really
didn’t know what to ask. When he left
tonight, I started doing some research and
I have to say I’m feeling devastated.
I don’t know if bad experiences are the
first to come up in Google searches or if
this is just the hardest thing ever.
I’m a strong woman who has been looking
for that right mix of old fashioned guy
and modern man. I know I have found it in
him, but I don’t know if I am strong
enough to handle everything I have read.
Is it possible to have a healthy
relationship with someone who is bipolar?
I did say that I couldn’t handle someone
who wasn’t taking their meds like they
are supposed to, he told me that his
doctor was thinking about taking him off
of his meds but he chose not to yet. Can
you be “bipolar light?” He is willing
to be honest with me, I just don’t know
the right questions to ask. I also
don’t know how to ask them.
Have I found a dream man or is this
someone in a manic phase? Honestly,
everything I have read is breaking my
heart a little bit.
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Jessika
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 14 Location: Cleveland
Posted: 07-16-07 10:40am
hi justme. welcome. my My x boyfriend is
bipolar is also happens to be the father
of my son. Once people are diagnosed as
being bipolar its really in their best
interest to stay on meds. My x used to
reduce his meds on his own and that would
spark him into a manic stage. How long
have you two been dating and have you been
able to witness his manic and depressed
states? What medicine is he on and how
long has he been bipolar?
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justme320
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Minnesota
Thanks For Responding! Posted: 07-16-07 11:48am
We haven't been dating that long, only
about a month. He just told me over the
weekend. He sees his doctor once every
four months and takes Welbutran. He told
me that his doctor wanted to take him off
his meds but he wasn't ready for that.
Apparently he was hospitalized four years
ago but everything has been stable since
then. He was very upfront with me on it
and I know he has a great support network
within his family.
Due to the short period of time that we
have been dating, I haven't really seen
anything that was off-if he hadn't have
told me I would have never guessed.
I didn't really know that much about the
disorder until I started reading about it.
Now I am more than a little freaked out.
He is fantastic-but is this guy that I'm
falling for the one that'll be around?
I'm planning on having another chat with
him now that I've learned a bit more about
it, but I am just confused as to where to
go with it.
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Jessika
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 14 Location: Cleveland
Posted: 07-16-07 17:26pm
Well I can only share withg you my
experience and it wasn’t and continues
not to be a good one. My x is a nightmare.
WE lived together for a couple of months
before I got pregnant and he didn’t tell
me he was bipolar until after.For me I now
have to worry if I will have to raise a
bipolar child. From everything I have
learned on line, I am scared for my son.My
x is unreasonable but in the beginning he
was charming and enchanting. Heres another
good site someone on her told me about
where you will find a lot more peole there
that are married or living with bipolars.
[link removed]
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4044 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 142
Thanked:13
Posted: 07-16-07 17:35pm
Hello, I have many bipolar friends and I
used to work in a psych unit. There are
varying degrees of severity of bipolar.
There can be the occasional break or a
neverending onslaught of drama and
heartache.
I would take it one step at a time. Do
not jump into any serious commitments yet-
but that is what you'd say to anyone who's
been with someone only for a month.
Him being upfront with you is a good
thing. Reading too much online is a bad
thing. People are going to be posting
their bad experiences much more often than
their good experiences. Best wishes!
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Jessika
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 14 Location: Cleveland
Posted: 07-17-07 09:59am
I agree with birch. There haven’t been
many posts I have read with positive
experiences with bipolars, probably
because most people only post when things
aren’t going good. You should find out
how your boyfriends past relationships
went. For instance if he dated lots of
women. My x never had any long term
relationships and dated lots of women. he
had very few friends. That should tell you
a lot.
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Color of Paper
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 171 Location: Long Beach, Ca
Posted: 07-17-07 17:58pm
Hello there. Looking above you all have
good ideas but all in all this is a very
personal thing. Living/dating/having a
relationship with someone who's "bipolar"
its all based on the people who are in it.
I can tell you right off the bat that you
shouldn't get worked up over some stuff
you read on the internet. It is a good
place to for information....but when your
dealing with something/someone in your
heart its really up to you.
From what jessika said, about his past,
this is a good thing to look at because we
are who we are because of the past....but
that doesn't mean the past follows....its
the past.
There are so many people out there wrongly
diagnosed these days its sad to say many
people who are diagnosed with bipolar can
or are just depressed and going through
tough times in there life.
If the guy you are dating is serious about
you and you are serious about him....make
an effort to work with each other. If he
is bipolar then its a task, its a mission
to keep positive and STAY ON YOUR MEDS!
hehe
BTW this is all coming from first hand
experience ^_^
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Hibiscus Chick
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Canada
Dating Bipolar Posted: 07-29-07 15:03pm
Hey there Justme,
Lots of good responses everyone! I haven't
posted on here yet but this particular
topic caught my eye.
It was just a few monthes ago that my
boyfriend told me that
he had bipolar disorder. I remember having
similar feelings where
i didn't know what to do and was scared of
the things I read about it.
But I can assure you reading about it can
cause your mind to make
too many assumptions. Alot of the time
information on the internet
explains alot of the extreme cases of
bipolar. It really really scared me.
Being in a relationship with a bipolar
person has been the hardest thing
I have ever faced. However, I love my
boyfriend so much and we are meant to be
together. There are different ways of
dealing with it. It you don't be
realistic it won't work. If he is open
and co-operative I have faith you can make
it through if you truely love him. You
have to remain true to yourself and make
sure you are happy throughout it all.
There will be times where he may hurt you
but often it is the bipolar talking and
not the person you love.
Give it a chance but be smart about it,
Hibiscus Chick
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backpain_nc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 17 Location: Burlington, NC USA
I Am Bipolar Posted: 07-31-07 12:54pm
hello,
I am bipolar and I can tell you first
hand when I don't take my meds I can't
stand myself. I can't honestly see a
doctor taking a patient off of his meds.
Typically when we are diagnosed with this
disorder our doctor tells us we will be on
it for the rest of our lives. This was
really hard for me to deal with. I took
my meds the way I was suppose to and
started feeling more normal. So in typical
bipolar fashion I thought I was better. I
took myself off my meds and within a few
short months I was hell to deal with. If
that tells you anything about a bipolar
person coming off their meds..
As long as I'm on my meds I can deal
with being with someone. When I'm off them
I feel like a rabbid animal. BTW as far as
"bipolar light" I have never heard of such
a thing. However, there are several
different types of bipolar disorder. I am
Bipolar I which means I have more Manic
episodes than anything. Even on my meds I
have both manic and depression in my life
it just doesn't get quite as bad with
meds.
First off I have been with my husband for
4 years. He was on meds when we first
started dating. I think each person in
different on handling it. He suppressed
his anger and when he blew up it was far
worse than anyone could imagine. Shortly
after we were dating he got off all the
meds. He does so much better and I am not
sure if is the way he has learned to cope
with it or if the meds were making things
worse. Now if he has a problem or in
angered he will talk about it and not have
world war III going down. He does have
his days. Of course everyone does. He
seems to be better off of the medicine.
On all these replys I see they say to stay
on the meds. I remember one time in
particular (on the meds) that he got mad
about something minor, I was in the
passenger seat of his car and he through
his phone right at my feet, may not seem
like a lot but I was scared I had never
had to deal with anything like this. He
apologized later, but it is just the fact.
Everyone is different!!!
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aprilrain
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 2
Re:dating Bipolar Posted: 08-03-07 20:29pm
Well I also think birch had some good
advice. I think one day at a time is the
only way to go since you're not really
sure what the right thing is for you to
do. I speak from both sides of the fence
as several years after i was diagnosed as
bipolar, so was my husband! We were well
into our relationship however.
I think its a little odd that his doctor
wants to stop his meds, but encouraging
that he knows he isn't ready. The only
other thing I could say is that it is good
that you are doing research, but try not
too get caught up in horror stories,
because everyone manifests symptoms
differently.
Blessings and Good Luck to both of you!
April
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caring1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 1 Location: richmond
Loving a Bi-polar Man Posted: 08-06-07 11:39am
I have been dating him for almost a year.
He recently told me about this condition,
although I accidently stumbled on his 4
different meds for this disorder months
ago so I already knew.
i have to tell you it has been a roller
coaster ride. He is sooooooo charming and
talented and I believe that is one of the
reasons why I was attracted to him. Most
of the time things are pretty good. I too
was petrified by what I read on the net.
But I think we have to also put into play
what their personalitys are like in
combination with the drugs.
When he has an episode lately it's been
screaming and yelling over little things
and it usually sends me running. Then
he'll disappear for days at a time without
a phone call. When he returns, it's like
nothing ever happened.
I believe there are triggers that we all
need to know about, for instances bad days
at work, extra or heavy responsibilities.
seem to set him off.
He tends to gamble alot(lotteries are his
favorite) Loves the strip clubs, and
sleeps alot on the weekends. Some of those
I am willing to put up with simply because
he was doing it before he met me.
unfortunately he had another blow-up this
weekend and I haven't heard from him in a
few days, won't even answer his phone.
Hopefully if he comes around again we can
have a talk.
I don't know what to tell you on how you
all should manage, but I think patience is
key here. And if things don't get any
better, it may be time to move on Because
we can't fix them.
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Jessika
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2006 Posts: 14 Location: Cleveland
Posted: 08-06-07 14:27pm
good response caring1.
the bottom line is that with bipolar
people you have to realize that you aren't
going to change them and their highs and
lows are something you will have to deal
with everyday if you continue dating them.
my x also will not answer calls when he
gets angry. he is very immature in dealing
with his feelings. yuou just have to
decide if the person you are with is worth
putting up with everything that comes with
being bipolar
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the_colossus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-11-07 20:26pm
He might been in a hypomanic phase but its
extremely unlikely its full out mania. If
the guy had delusions, paranoia erratic
behavior, you would have noticed something
like that.
If you can't handle him having lots of
highs/lows you should just ask him about
his history after first being diagnosed
and medicated. I've been bipolar for a few
years and never been close to mania after
starting medication and have only been
moderatly depressed a few times. Its
different for every person.
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Jake3463
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2007 Posts: 28 Location: Allentown
Depends Posted: 09-12-07 12:55pm
If he's only on Welbutrin it sounds like
he might have more problem with the
depression than the mania. Welbutrin is
an anti-depressant...these days they toss
around the bipolar diagnosis readily and
sometimes people are misdiagnosed. It
doesn't sound like he's on an
anti-psychotic or mood stabilizer.
I'd ask him questions about his symptoms.
Ask him what he's like when he's manic,
ask him what he's like when he's depressed
and ask him when was the last time he was
those things. Trust me when he's manic
you'd be able to tell...mania is no fun
for anyone around the person.