Medical Questions > Debate Forums > Abortion Debate Forum

Question For Pro-lifers and Pro-choicers (Page 1)

User Profile
I'm going to give you situation and you can tell me what should a woman do ok. I'm pro-choice but I'm not starting a fight ok.

A girl is 19 years old and she really does not want to become pregnant. Her parents never taught her anything about sex, birth control, STDs etc. She grew up in a conservative country that does not teach sex ed. Her parents are both devout catholics and don't want her having sex until she is married. The girl on the other hand, enjoys her sexuality and even though she wasn't taught about bc, sex, etc, she tried to know it by herself by researching and gathering info. She wants to become a doctor in the future, so there is no way that she can handle being pregnant and even having a baby.

Because she doesn't want to have a baby until she got married, she uses the most effective type of reversible birth control; an IUD and condoms.

Actually this girl is ME.

I've never been pregnant and as much as you pro-life people hate abortion, i wouldn't want to subject myself to the procedure, though I respect other women's decision either way. However, I do really think that having sex at my age is normal and that I enjoy having sex with my boyfriend. Would you suggest me to stop having sex until I get married which will be at around 30 years old? Because there is always a possibility of pregnancy even w/ the most effective birth control, I can still end up getting pregnant, although there is a greater chance that it won't happen. IF I do end up pregnant, my parents w/o literally disown me and would just go home to my own country to retire and not support me for my pre-med education anymore. I am an only child too and I don't have a lot of relatives that I could turn to. In your own opinion, what do you think should I do when I become pregnant? For now, I clinging towards abortion. I want to hear your reactions about this. Thank you. pro-choice people are also welcome to answer.

Reminder: These are all just what-if's. Currently, I am not pregnant and never been pregnant.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
well it's your life, not mine.
it sounds like you have a lot going for you, good for you for going to medical school.

if you become pregnant i would say that... you could keep the baby. I'm sure many people who have gone to school to be doctors have had children and have survived it, it'd just make that obstacle that much harder. But considering your parents would disown you, that'd be your decision and I wouldn't judge either way.


By the way, not bashing your parents or anything, but I love how "devout" christians would literally abandon their own kids in a time like this and judge them even when they aren't supposed to. what great christians.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I'm pc, so it's your body, your life, your choice. I think it's ridiculous to wait until marriage to have sex. I also think it's ridiculous that your parents didn't teach you about sex. Furthermore, it's ridiculous that they'd toss you out when you needed them.

Anyways, an IUD and condoms are going to be pretty effective. I would doubt that you'd become pregnant.

Why do you ask this, may I inquire? It's kind of odd to post this hypothetical situation just looking for opinions of complete strangers when you already lean towards one thing over another. Just curious.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Let me tell you my story. I had an abortion over 30 years ago. I would not do it again. I was stupid back then. I had an IUD put in. I met someone who turned out to be my husband. I got pregnant with the IUD in. But the thing of it is at the time I did not know it. I wanted to have a baby so I asked my doctor to remove the IUD. Of course, I had a miscarriage because of it. The only true birth control is abstinence. No one wants to hear it but that is what it is.
You are not emotionally or financially ready for an unexpected pregnancy.
I would slow down.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Myself i would advise an iud along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling) and a condom on top you can never be to careful when it comes to the diffrence between life and death for a human be it born or unborn.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
diamond splinter wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling) and a condom on top you can never be to careful when it comes to the diffrence between life and death for a human be it born or unborn.


There is a pill for acne called Acutane. On this pill, they demand that all females use two forms of birth control if they are sexually active. Acutane always causes severe birth defects.

Two methods is all that is needed in most all cases to prevent pregnancy; it is the amount recommended by doctors who are trying to prevent pregnancy in Acutane users!

The IDU, pill, depo and patch are considered primary forms of birth control. You must combine these with a secondary form. Secondary forms of birth control are condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps or spermicides.

This means:
IUD + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap or spermicide
Pills + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap or spermicide
Depo + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap or spermicide
Patch + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap or spermicide

Adding a third method does not significantly affect your chances of preventing pregnancy.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
san54 wrote:
Let me tell you my story. I had an abortion over 30 years ago. I would not do it again. I was stupid back then. I had an IUD put in. I met someone who turned out to be my husband. I got pregnant with the IUD in. But the thing of it is at the time I did not know it. I wanted to have a baby so I asked my doctor to remove the IUD. Of course, I had a miscarriage because of it. The only true birth control is abstinence. No one wants to hear it but that is what it is.
You are not emotionally or financially ready for an unexpected pregnancy.
I would slow down.


so you are suggesting abstinence until 30?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Birch wrote:
I'm pc, so it's your body, your life, your choice. I think it's ridiculous to wait until marriage to have sex. I also think it's ridiculous that your parents didn't teach you about sex. Furthermore, it's ridiculous that they'd toss you out when you needed them.

Anyways, an IUD and condoms are going to be pretty effective. I would doubt that you'd become pregnant.

Why do you ask this, may I inquire? It's kind of odd to post this hypothetical situation just looking for opinions of complete strangers when you already lean towards one thing over another. Just curious.


The reason why I'm asking this is because I'm debating about the topic myself. I am a christian and I'm also pro-choice and torn between the two. I know it is rediculous that I'm asking a hypothetical question that isn't even happening but this is the way I handle things. I usually plan for everything in the future although there is a small chance of it not happening. I always have plan a and plan all planned out.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
diamond splinter wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling) and a condom on top you can never be to careful when it comes to the diffrence between life and death for a human be it born or unborn.


I don't think diaghram is okay to use with the IUD, although I could be wrong
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
haliparot wrote:
diamond splinter wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling) and a condom on top you can never be to careful when it comes to the diffrence between life and death for a human be it born or unborn.


I don't think diaghram is okay to use with the IUD, although I could be wrong


It very well may not be! If someone was thinking of that method, they have to be "fitted" for one anyway, so the doctor is going to find out she's (the hypothetical woman) got in an IUD in anyway, unless she was stupid and lied about it. But since the gyno is going to be looking in the vagina for the fitting, she's going to see the strings!

I also think cervical caps and an IUD would be a bad idea; however I just don't know, so for the sake of completeness I listed them all.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Haliport, I'm pc too and I know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I have to put in my 2 cents lol.

It's hard to know for sure when you're outside of the situation to know what you would do. I've never been pregnant, and my opinion of what I would personally do has changed many times. I myself would have a hard time with an abortion because my mother is so against them; but also, she has said she would take the baby if I tried to give it up for adoption and raise it herself. I am strongly against that. It's my baby, my body, my choice. Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as long as I got to chose the couple: lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that for a loving homosexual couple. I also wouldn't be too bothered by an abortion, though it's honestly a choice better for other people and not so much myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice. Because... I have the choice to chose any three of the solutions...

I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a child right now. My biggest issue is that either way, I'd want to go back to school in the fall but I know my parents would never allow it... I'd become a prisoner here. They've already done so much for me and I've made so many mistakes, it's the last thing I want to happen to them. I personally could handle being pregnant and having to make the choice. I'm okay with it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I would be happy in fact to give a child to a family that couldn't have one. But my parents view it as the ultimate failure and taboo.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
What is a normal age to have sex?

Naturally it is from the moment of puberty, when the body is able to reproduce from then on the body is at the normal time to have sex.

Why marriage at 30 years old?

if your not ready for marriage now.....why not?

do the answers you reply with not give you reason to abstain from intercourse?

again why 30, why put a time on it?

If you loved the person, you would want to marry them straight away...how do can you test if you love them or are merely infattuated.... a method that is used by many devout catholics is to remain in the relationship for two years without engaging in sexual pleasures if after two years the relationship is strong and a sense of love exists then it is a very good sign.


So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2 years without sex ect, if after 2 years everything is fine, then it is a good sign that Marriage would be successful. Once married then the couple need not try for a child but still are able to engage in intercourse without artifical contraception via natural family planning, that is intercourse planned around the fertiliity cycle.

Engaging in sex before marriage confuses the person since one of the purposes of sex is to build up a relationship that is already founded on love. It also means there is the possibility of getting pregnant outside of a commited relationship which leave both parties in a strange possition.

As a result my advice would be abstinance for 2 years then get married...and if you fail to remain chaste in that time end the relationship.... it is a method I use myself.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Eiri wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I have to put in my 2 cents lol.

It's hard to know for sure when you're outside of the situation to know what you would do. I've never been pregnant, and my opinion of what I would personally do has changed many times. I myself would have a hard time with an abortion because my mother is so against them; but also, she has said she would take the baby if I tried to give it up for adoption and raise it herself. I am strongly against that. It's my baby, my body, my choice. Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as long as I got to chose the couple: lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that for a loving homosexual couple. I also wouldn't be too bothered by an abortion, though it's honestly a choice better for other people and not so much myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice. Because... I have the choice to chose any three of the solutions...

I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a child right now. My biggest issue is that either way, I'd want to go back to school in the fall but I know my parents would never allow it... I'd become a prisoner here. They've already done so much for me and I've made so many mistakes, it's the last thing I want to happen to them. I personally could handle being pregnant and having to make the choice. I'm okay with it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I would be happy in fact to give a child to a family that couldn't have one. But my parents view it as the ultimate failure and taboo.


my parents sounds like your parents. They view pregnancy before marriage as the end of somebody's life and future and a complete failure for both the girl and the girl's parents. I completely understand your situation. Still, I want to know why your parents wouldn't allow you to go back to school this fall?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Gu£st wrote:
What is a normal age to have sex?

Naturally it is from the moment of puberty, when the body is able to reproduce from then on the body is at the normal time to have sex.

Why marriage at 30 years old?

if your not ready for marriage now.....why not?

do the answers you reply with not give you reason to abstain from intercourse?

again why 30, why put a time on it?

If you loved the person, you would want to marry them straight away...how do can you test if you love them or are merely infattuated.... a method that is used by many devout catholics is to remain in the relationship for two years without engaging in sexual pleasures if after two years the relationship is strong and a sense of love exists then it is a very good sign.


So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2 years without sex ect, if after 2 years everything is fine, then it is a good sign that Marriage would be successful. Once married then the couple need not try for a child but still are able to engage in intercourse without artifical contraception via natural family planning, that is intercourse planned around the fertiliity cycle.

Engaging in sex before marriage confuses the person since one of the purposes of sex is to build up a relationship that is already founded on love. It also means there is the possibility of getting pregnant outside of a commited relationship which leave both parties in a strange possition.

As a result my advice would be abstinance for 2 years then get married...and if you fail to remain chaste in that time end the relationship.... it is a method I use myself.


You know life is not as easy as that. I am a christian but I'm pro-choice. Many people like yourself seems to have a distorted view of reality. Life and relationship is not as easy as staying in a relationship for 2 years, getting married and living happily ever after. I'm 19, I want to be a doctor, I can't get married and have kids because I have a dream in life that I want to fulfill. Having a family while being in medical school is not only extremely hard, but it can put a strain to someone's relationship in tear them a part. YOu know what that means. DIVORCE.

Another divorce would only add to the increasing number of broken families and to the explosion of children affected by complications in the family. Obviously, you seem to live in a world full of fairies and fantasies. Modern women nowadays don't just want to get married and have kids. Personally, I consider myself MORE as a career woman rather than a mother. Marrying when I turned 21 not only will ruin all the plans about myself but also with my partner.

Also, I wanted to be a ready as a I can be BEFORE I start a family. Isn't it only rational to finish schooling, get a good job, travel, etc. BEFORE starting a family so that the parents will be able to provide everything for their family. Many women at my age don't have the resources to do that and some of them don't even have money in their bank accounts.

Where do you live? do you even live in the united states? You seem way too traditional for me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
haliparot wrote:
Eiri wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I have to put in my 2 cents lol.

It's hard to know for sure when you're outside of the situation to know what you would do. I've never been pregnant, and my opinion of what I would personally do has changed many times. I myself would have a hard time with an abortion because my mother is so against them; but also, she has said she would take the baby if I tried to give it up for adoption and raise it herself. I am strongly against that. It's my baby, my body, my choice. Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as long as I got to chose the couple: lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that for a loving homosexual couple. I also wouldn't be too bothered by an abortion, though it's honestly a choice better for other people and not so much myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice. Because... I have the choice to chose any three of the solutions...

I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a child right now. My biggest issue is that either way, I'd want to go back to school in the fall but I know my parents would never allow it... I'd become a prisoner here. They've already done so much for me and I've made so many mistakes, it's the last thing I want to happen to them. I personally could handle being pregnant and having to make the choice. I'm okay with it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I would be happy in fact to give a child to a family that couldn't have one. But my parents view it as the ultimate failure and taboo.


my parents sounds like your parents. They view pregnancy before marriage as the end of somebody's life and future and a complete failure for both the girl and the girl's parents. I completely understand your situation. Still, I want to know why your parents wouldn't allow you to go back to school this fall?


It's frustrating isn't it? People like Guest think life is black and white, cut and dry, simple and easy "as long as you follow the bible" everything will be perfect! Ha!

We live in Florida (well, my parents do) and I attend college in NY. So, they'd want to keep their claws in my back if I was pregnant! I'd have to attend the local community college and get my bachelors there before I think they'd trust me again.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Gu£st wrote:
What is a normal age to have sex?

Naturally it is from the moment of puberty, when the body is able to reproduce from then on the body is at the normal time to have sex.

Why marriage at 30 years old?

if your not ready for marriage now.....why not?

do the answers you reply with not give you reason to abstain from intercourse?

again why 30, why put a time on it?

If you loved the person, you would want to marry them straight away...how do can you test if you love them or are merely infattuated.... a method that is used by many devout catholics is to remain in the relationship for two years without engaging in sexual pleasures if after two years the relationship is strong and a sense of love exists then it is a very good sign.


So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2 years without sex ect, if after 2 years everything is fine, then it is a good sign that Marriage would be successful. Once married then the couple need not try for a child but still are able to engage in intercourse without artifical contraception via natural family planning, that is intercourse planned around the fertiliity cycle.

Engaging in sex before marriage confuses the person since one of the purposes of sex is to build up a relationship that is already founded on love. It also means there is the possibility of getting pregnant outside of a commited relationship which leave both parties in a strange possition.

As a result my advice would be abstinance for 2 years then get married...and if you fail to remain chaste in that time end the relationship.... it is a method I use myself.


I guess that you don't have any idea of natural family planning's failure rate. Actually people practicing natural family planning only have one thing in common; They are PARENTS.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Eiri wrote:
haliparot wrote:
Eiri wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I have to put in my 2 cents lol.

It's hard to know for sure when you're outside of the situation to know what you would do. I've never been pregnant, and my opinion of what I would personally do has changed many times. I myself would have a hard time with an abortion because my mother is so against them; but also, she has said she would take the baby if I tried to give it up for adoption and raise it herself. I am strongly against that. It's my baby, my body, my choice. Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as long as I got to chose the couple: lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that for a loving homosexual couple. I also wouldn't be too bothered by an abortion, though it's honestly a choice better for other people and not so much myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice. Because... I have the choice to chose any three of the solutions...

I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a child right now. My biggest issue is that either way, I'd want to go back to school in the fall but I know my parents would never allow it... I'd become a prisoner here. They've already done so much for me and I've made so many mistakes, it's the last thing I want to happen to them. I personally could handle being pregnant and having to make the choice. I'm okay with it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I would be happy in fact to give a child to a family that couldn't have one. But my parents view it as the ultimate failure and taboo.


my parents sounds like your parents. They view pregnancy before marriage as the end of somebody's life and future and a complete failure for both the girl and the girl's parents. I completely understand your situation. Still, I want to know why your parents wouldn't allow you to go back to school this fall?


It's frustrating isn't it? People like Guest think life is black and white, cut and dry, simple and easy "as long as you follow the bible" everything will be perfect! Ha!

We live in Florida (well, my parents do) and I attend college in NY. So, they'd want to keep their claws in my back if I was pregnant! I'd have to attend the local community college and get my bachelors there before I think they'd trust me again.


I do commend you though for having as much understanding as you do right now despite of your parent's attitude. Good luck and I hope that they will change their minds. However, community colleges are not bad substitutes to universities. Although I would not deny the fact that universities are better when it comes to bringing the best out of a person.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 15th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Yeah, the only thing is that I would consider myself a failure for not finishing college right. I would beat myself up mentally for not being able to do it. I think that would cause more depression than an abortion or post-partum depression! I don't know if I would want to live. I think I'd stop caring.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 15th, 2007
Experienced User
Eiri wrote:
Yeah, the only thing is that I would consider myself a failure for not finishing college right. I would beat myself up mentally for not being able to do it. I think that would cause more depression than an abortion or post-partum depression!



lol...same here
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 16th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
NFP has a success rate of 99.8% that is 0.2 pregnancies per 100 women and is widely accepted as being as effective as using condoms some say that it is more effective.

here is a report on NFP by the British Medical Journal

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/5 87813/posts
|
Did you find this post helpful?