I have been with my fiance for 11 years on and off and the last 3 years we have not had a split. 6 years ago he was injured and has had to go through back surgery and all kinds of therapy for it and he is still in pain. Anyway...3 years ago when we got back together sex was amazing for us, even now thinking about it makes me want to call him and tell him to come over lol! Anyway after about teh first 6 months we went from having sex 3-4 times a week to 3-4 times a month and even now it's worse it is more like 1-2 times a month...although we do have our moments when it happens 3-4 times a week for the most part it's rare these days and it's more like once a month.
So that's really not my problem although if I could help it we would do it everyday to be honest...his thing is that he says he is in pain and he can't do it all the time.....the bigger problem that I would like to get past right now is when we actually do get to have sex it is the same way everytime and very boring and I get absolutely nothing out of it. It is always the same "doggystyle" which I don't particularly care for because it deosn't really do anything for me but he says that for him it's easier because of his back problems. Might I also add that there is basically no foreplay here and that sucks. I mentioned it to him one time and he started with the foreplay and that made it more enjoyable for both of us but that was a one time deal after that no more foreplay. Another time he went for it and ended up leaving because I offended him by telling him that I didn't want to do it the same old way and that I wanted more out of it...that turned into an arguement and he said that it's the only way to do it without his back hurting him badly and he left....I really hate our sex life these days because it was once so amazing and I want a change and I want to enjoy it! Any suggestions?
I never asked why it's so amazing when he drinks and why it sucks when he's sober lol..I am starting to feel as though maybe he's not very attracted to me, I ask him and he says that he is attracted to me and that the only problem is his pain. He has even told the doctors in front of me that they have to fix his problems and his pain because it is causing problems with our sex life but I can't deal with it. I would NEVER cheat but my gosh this sucks it really does and I want some variety and enjoyment.
I'm with the girlfriend, try something new and exciting. Turn things up a little. Like porn or a toy. Also try girl on top and you do the work. He wont be using his back that way. I dont know though my guy loves to get me going before he gets his, its a turnon for him to get me turned on first. Most of the time he is very conciuos of my needs- cant spell-But there are times where Hes not into it and we just kinda get it over with.
It sounds like he has something else going on, he could feel useless because he cant satisfy you, Im sure he can tell the difference in your relationship also. Its probably hurting his pride and feelings of being a man. Daniel gets like that when his back hurts him.
Ask him about therapy. See if he would be willing to try it. If he really wants to save the relationship he will do it.
daniel has to take sleeping pills for bed. He takes them at like 7 and after he takes them hes too tired to even stand let alone kiss me. It sucks cause I get off work at four, then we get home make dinner clean and take shower and by that time hes passed out. Theres no time for real sex except on the weekend. So I know how it is to not have it all of the time. It sucks.
I know that it bothers him, last time we went to the doctor he looked like a lost puppy and was about to cry, he told the doctor that they need to fix him because he can't take it anymore, he can't have a normal sex life with me. There are times when he is really into it and he tries for me, but most of the time by the time he is done he is getting sharp pains in his back. We usually have to have sex sitting me on top either forward or backward or him standing so that means usually i have to be backwards...that does not do anything at all for me but it makes it so that he is in less pain. I know a time or two he has literally almost fallen over in pain after because he gets these horrible pains at times. It just really sucks because the boring sex happens SO much more than the good sex. We used to have such an amazing sex life, was he my best ever? NO, but it was really great and over the last year it's been so crappy that I want it and I get so excited and I am just totally let down.
We have had sex in odd places to spice it up but still then it has to be in a way to not hurt him so it's not enjoyable for me.
Sex is not all there is but it has so much to do with how intimate you are. I feel your pain and I wish there was a magic word or something. The only other thing I can think of is trying a toy to stimilate you where he cant. Or have him do oral. Thats what we do cause Daniel doesnt last that long so we do other things so I can get my satisfaction. But 6x out of ten I dont get fully statisfied. I no he trys though. It can be disappointing.
If its his health thats setting him aside then you will have to accept him the way he is. And if that isnt enough for you then do not cheat yourself or him. Easier said that done right. Push the doctors to help him, get on their asses to give him pain meds or therapy. Help him get better. Men need so much taking care of.
I am not sure...I have had moments when I thought about it but I don't think I could ever actually do it really. I don't have the desire to be with anyone else and haven't even in the time we were split up so I highly doubt I would leave him over it.
I just found this post of yours, and I have to say, my husband really spunks up sex after him, or usually both of us, have a little to drink. I am almost 100% sure that it's because he has his "man guard" down. He's not worried about anything at all, and even though I'm sure you two are completely comfortable together after being intimate together for so long, men ARE men. My husband is more vocal and also not scared to try something totally new when he's had something to drink. He just doesn't worry about my reactions or anything that I guess silly men worry about at other times.
Let me ask you something... have you ever had a bit to drink while he's completely sober and had him initiate sex? I've found that his reactions are almost the same when I'M the only one that has had something to drink. I'm telling you, it's like they feel they can go wild and have alcohol to blame it on later if you comment on anything being out-of-character.
I think that in light of all of the other issues you have posted about in regard to this man, that you might perhaps think about breaking off this relationship altogether. It sounds like there aren't many things that are good in your relationship and maybe the only way either of you will ever really be happy is to seperate. I certainly am not trying to sound harsh, I just worry that you internalize the problems and that you put up with more than you ever should.