I almost can't take it anymore, and really don't know where to start from here... it's torturing... I have never really been in a relationship before, some steady relationship that you look forward to spend time with someone that you can want to spend your life time with, a soulmate...
I hate those outing, those outing that full with couples, pair by pair, although some are really good friends and they tried their best to make me not feel 'out', but i still feel... Horrible... what's wrong with me? i could have a relationship and fall in love with any human with the chromosome .Y , I am a successful career women, great parents, sibbling, i own a house & 2 apartment, i am well educated, get to travel around the world, 26 years old, and am not ugly! sometime i ask .God, whole heartly.. y is this happen to me.. is it just because no one is perfect in this world that you have to take something away from me? don't you have an .Adam for everysingle .Eve?
why all the guys i fall for just never fall back, am so sick of falling in love with the 'wrong ones', am so sick of myself, pathetic, lonely, hide up and cry... everyone thought i have evrything, i already accomplish evry result anyone could ever want, do they know i just shed my tears in front of my laptop at 4pm yesterday, and quickly dried it with tissue before boss walked across ... before my engineers come over for advice and find tat am in pool of tears.
of cos i use to tell myself am good , am fine, am single and happy and i choose to be single.. No.. am not.. i just try to get someone i have feelings for to watch a movie with me, y i need to ask him 20times and get 20 lame excuses? i just feel so cheap, pathetic, i want my self-esteem back, i deleted his contacts (and hope that the one i remember in my brain is not correct). and then my heart sunk.. holy pathetic me... and then i cry, not just for that guy, i know, is for my loneliness, and longing for love... i have all the love from my sis, grandma, and mum, dad.. is jus different love am looking for now...
and.... w.o.w.. i never know i can be so vulnerable.. but yes.. am vulnerable! am not the dragon lady that my boss call me that way, am not the-girl-who-have-evrything..
i'm jus glad am being authentic here at this forum..