Medical Questions > Womens Health > Sexual Health - Women Forum

My Husband Seems to Prefer Masterbation to Intercourse (Page 1)

Must Read
Menstruation is a woman's normal monthly menstrual period. But what are the signs of abnormal periods? When is vaginal bleeding serious?...
Regular vaginal bleeding vagina is a sign of healthy menstruation. What signs and symptoms point to menstrual problems? Read on to learn the difference....
Menstrual irregularity means that something is wrong. Learn how to identify the signs and symptoms of an irregular period to prevent larger problems later...
Crying or Very sad

I just feel unattractive and unloved. my husband of 14 years has not been able to have an orgasim during intercourse in quit awhile so he ends up masterbating to do so. Usually i am involved and arouse him for orgasim, but now he is no longer wanting to have any sex with me and i wake up in the night to find him masterbateing.
Am i just being insecure or should i worry my husband has no need for me anymore?
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper User Profile Birch
|

replied July 11th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
men are wierd

im sure hes just being a guy
dont feel bad hun
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
Experienced User
Well I don't think that was very helpful.

Intercourse doesn't work for all men I guess....

Try mixing things up. Get a book on erotic massage and try massaging/stroking him to orgasm. Have you tried performing oral sex on him? Maybe try anal?

There are many ways you can bring him to orgasm other than intercourse - and the two of you can have fun doing it.

If offering him a little variety doesn't work then speak (gently) about it with him. Part of your sexual needs include being the one to meet his sexual needs, right? Maybe he doesn't get that. Maybe he will be willing to see a sexual therapist with you, if all else fails.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied July 11th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Re: My Husband Seems to Prefer Masterbation to Intercourse
angeloncall7 wrote:
Crying or Very sad

I just feel unattractive and unloved. my husband of 14 years has not been able to have an orgasim during intercourse in quit awhile so he ends up masterbating to do so. Usually i am involved and arouse him for orgasim, but now he is no longer wanting to have any sex with me and i wake up in the night to find him masterbateing.
Am i just being insecure or should i worry my husband has no need for me anymore?


Maybe he's got some underlying issue he's not telling you about? Maybe he's got an arousal issue or some kind of insecurity issue or he feels like it's too much trouble for you or something. Talk to him!

Hopefully, your husband "needs" you for more than just sex. I hope that's not what you meant! Sad
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with anne.You need to talk to him about it too and tell him how your feeling.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Re: My Husband Seems to Prefer Masterbation to Intercourse
angeloncall7 wrote:
Crying or Very sad

I just feel unattractive and unloved. my husband of 14 years has not been able to have an orgasim during intercourse in quit awhile so he ends up masterbating to do so. Usually i am involved and arouse him for orgasim, but now he is no longer wanting to have any sex with me and i wake up in the night to find him masterbateing.
Am i just being insecure or should i worry my husband has no need for me anymore?


I would talk to him. This is not normal behavior, and he is not "just being a man". I think there is an issue that needs to be dealt with; and you're not going to be able to start until you ask him.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
my husband does almost the same thing. We have sex maybe 1 time a week, but he masturbates almost every other night. He waits until I am asleep. I have caught him a few times and asked him about it. But he never really answers me. It makes me feel really insecure and unattractive too.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
my husband does almost the same thing. We have sex maybe 1 time a week, but he masturbates almost every other night. He waits until I am asleep. I have caught him a few times and asked him about it. But he never really answers me. It makes me feel really insecure and unattractive too.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
Don't feel bad It is normal. Men often get a "tighter" feeling with their masturbation grip and they can move faster back-and-forth than while in a woman. This tighter, faster movement may be the only way he can ejaculate. This effect increases with the age of a man. They often require a firmer, faster, longer effort to attain ejaculation. He will probably always appreciate you trying to help him. Try playing with him and masturbating him while asking him if he would like you to do it faster or grip firmer or hold it differently, etc. Don't worry that he enjoys or needs masturbation. Men are very preoccupied with attaining ejaculation and can often only act like normal people in their everyday lives after having a regular sexual release. It's not that he doesn't like you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 11th, 2007
Don't feel bad It is normal. Men often get a "tighter" feeling with their masturbation grip and they can move faster back-and-forth than while in a woman. This tighter, faster movement may be the only way he can ejaculate. This effect increases with the age of a man. They often require a firmer, faster, longer effort to attain ejaculation. He will probably always appreciate you trying to help him. Try playing with him and masturbating him while asking him if he would like you to do it faster or grip firmer or hold it differently, etc. Don't worry that he enjoys or needs masturbation. Men are very preoccupied with attaining ejaculation and can often only act like normal people in their everyday lives after having a regular sexual release. It's not that he doesn't like you.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 11th, 2009
Masterbation vs. Intercourse
THIS FORUM IS VERY HELPFUL SO THAT WE UNDERSTAND IT BETTER. MY PARTNER DOES SATISFY ME, BUT I FEEL NOT QUITE "CONNECTED" DUE TO THIS. HE ALSO DOES NOT EJACULATE VERY OFTEN - MAYBE TWICE A MONTH SO I KNOW HE USES MASTURBATING INSTEAD OF INTERCOURSE (I KNOW - BUT DO NOT LIVE WITH HIM SO HE DOES NOT HAVE TO HIDE IT FROM ME) BUT DOES NOT "CHEAT" IN ANY OTHER WAY! I am trying to decide i I can live with this type of "sexual relationship" indefinitely as I do not want to go outside the relationship for obvious reasons and I do love him and believe he loves me too!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied April 12th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
1)You should try assisting him when you *catch* him masturbating. Normal or not there is nothing wrong with masturbation.

2) If he lets you know he doesn't want you to assist him or resists you ask him why. And keep an open mind about what he says.

Age and childbirth along with other things can make a woman lose vaginal elasticity (tightness of her vaginal walls) over the years. He may want a tighter grip, in that case kegals can give you muscle control and there would be nothing tighter than you if you can master that skill.

If its lubrication you need mroe foreplay or perhaps store-bought lube.

It may just be him trying his best to stay *up* as long as possible ( my husband did this when we first stopped using condoms right after he made me orgasm several times he's masturbate to make himself cum and after a few tries of this reached a point where he could orgasm/ejaculate inside of me and remain stiff, sex is AWESOME after that point the possibilities are endless) or trying to avoid fatherhood. But you can rest assured his sexual appetite has not left.

This can be worked out, don't feel bad! Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 12th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
14 years is a long time to be married..maybe all he needs is for you to spice things up? also..idk if i recommend lube..unless lubing is a problem..my boyfriend and i tried lube and he said it was terrible! it was too much and he couldn't feel much..i think alot of times after we get comfortable in a relationship sadly we dont put forth the time and effort as we do when we're first with the guy..think about when you first starting having sex..bet you went out and bought new lingerie and dressed up for him...try to do SOMETHING to spice it up maybe that'll help..even watching a porno together would work..my boyfriend and i have done that once or twice...but after a while he wasn't so much into the porno Wink
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 11th, 2009
Experienced User
I'm a guy who had the same problem. It was due to de-sensitizing of the penis. I'm circumsized and my 'cut' makes my shaft skin very,very tight and my glans (head) it always exposed whih caused the sensitivity problem.
I solved it by wearing a short, 14" women's nylon slip instead of underwear, (silk boxers will do the same but are far more expensive). it allows only the silky nylon to rub my penis and isn't harsh like men's underwear,( men's nylon bikinis (and women's) still allow to much contact and friction).

My wife fully promotes this as now (for the last 3 years) I have been able to climax inside of her without harsh or rough intercouse.
She also no longer gets sore because of the long intercouse sessions as I can ejaculate within 20 minutes now.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied May 9th, 2011
Experienced User
Re: My Husband Seems to Prefer Masterbation to Intercourse
Birch wrote:
angeloncall7 wrote:
Crying or Very sad

I just feel unattractive and unloved. my husband of 14 years has not been able to have an orgasim during intercourse in quit awhile so he ends up masterbating to do so. Usually i am involved and arouse him for orgasim, but now he is no longer wanting to have any sex with me and i wake up in the night to find him masterbateing.
Am i just being insecure or should i worry my husband has no need for me anymore?


Maybe he's got some underlying issue he's not telling you about? Maybe he's got an arousal issue or some kind of insecurity issue or he feels like it's too much trouble for you or something. Talk to him!

Hopefully, your husband "needs" you for more than just sex. I hope that's not what you meant! Sad


I must tell i agree with this post.The men need us for more than just a sex,maybe his masterbating is only a crisis that he needs to get through. But he can speaks with you and tells you why is he doing it.If the problem is in you, you can try to fix it,so you'll be both pleased.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 12th, 2011
men and masturbation
My partner an I have sex often only once a month if I'm lucky, he has openly told me he prefers masturbation and porn over any woman and that I obviously have a higher sex drive than him.
We have tried counselling, sex therapy and all sorts of things, if anything it's made the situation worse. I get angry and frustrated and am petrified I will end up cheating.

However normal it may be for men to prefer their hands if they are in a relationship then they need to address the other persons needs aswell.

I'm at the end of m rope and have no idea what to try next or to just give up and leave.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2011
Why should I accept my husband need to masterbate?
I am having the same situation, only my husband has admitted that its an addiction for him and he wants to stop. It had not done it in almost 10 months until just the past couple weeks when he has been home and not working for a couple weeks (idle hands is the devil workshop). I noticed a drop in sexual activity, but I thought it was the stress of not working and looking for work. I went to pay bills on the computer and there it was, porn. I was so angry and I told him it was like he was cheating on me. Just because there no relationship, does not mean there is no emotional attachment because it is.

Every doctor and person says, oh its normal, but what they don't say is that it affects that person intimacy with their mate. My husband has been doing this for so long that it he has trouble with early ejaculation. His body has become so condition to that quick satisfaction that he cannot last more than 1-2 minutes most of the time. It would be a different story if masterbation had no negative affects, but it does. When have been married for 10 years and when he went through the period of not masterbating he actually lasted a little bit longer. It has been horrible for me because I rarely reach a climax. We have tried everything, increased sex, foreplay, toys and stopping when he feels it about to happen. The stopping became so rediculous because we barely got started and had to stop. We stopped so much that I lost interest and sometimes he did too.

My husband feels like it controls him and he hates that he has the desire. Just because its normal does not make it right. Its called self control and if my husband does not want to stop knowing it hurts me then I will leave. How can something like that be more important than your wife. I would give up anything for him. When he masterbates there is nothing left for me and how is that fair.

Some of the comments on here say, "spice things up, give him more sex." How about this, my husband don't want me to get on top during sex because he cannot help but ejaculate even faster. I cannot even get carried away with my climax or its over before I get there. Almost every climax I have is with his hand or a toy, both of which I hate.I usely just go without for months before I brake down and just say ok to the toy. If you are wondering I am one of the few women in the world who does not masterbate. I need a body, a face, some emotion when I have sex and me doing it to myself does nothing for me. If your husband is willing to choose masterbation over you, then that should tell you its a bigger problem then you think.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

This post has been removed because it did not meet our Community Guidelines.

replied December 27th, 2013
Not to ignore the core issue here but I thought I would mention something that likely would delay ejaculation...for any man who struggles to go any distance. SSRI and SNRI anti-depressant medications can be used for a very very common side effect that results from their use....delayed ejaculation! Should advise that there will likely be other side effects too but the majority of them (common ones) are transient or temporary.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 28th, 2013
If your man likes porn it is time to become part of the porn. Find out what he likes and give it to him.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12 >>