I am thirteen, an older sister amongst four of my family, and I have been wondering for a while now if I might have some sort of Schizophrenia. I’m on no medication, drugs or alcohol apart from iron deficiency tablets… if that counts?
Ever since I was little, my dad, who now has PTSD, has been in the army and I have been constantly moving from town to town, thus distancing myself from people, apart from a few who rightfully earned my trust, in order not to get lonely. But I’m always feeling empty, and I don’t eat just to feel the normal discomfort.
I am never alone, though. The shadows are always watching me. I see them from the corner of my eye and they seem restless and waiting to do something to me or the people I care about, or even hurt them.
But there is good, too. Whenever I am sad or angry, I shut down and disappear into my thoughts, my imagination. There, anything can happen. I can have people who love me, a sun that is always shining and a beach that is always calm. I can just sit there and dream.
But this has become a problem for the people around me. At school, I am never listening and my studies have become increasingly difficult. I don’t want to make anyone else’s life hard by being a nuisance, but I do it instinctually.
At home, it’s even worse. Because my parents are continually stressed over money and dad’s therapy “appointments”, I am always trying to help. But they never seem grateful, and I’m sick of it.
There has been many a time I have been tempted to run away, and never have to worry about anything anymore… but that’s impossible, because we all have our responsibilities, don’t we?
My parents have been continuously asking me how they can help and have been sending me to one of dad’s psychiatrist’s, but I don’t know how. I’m… confused, and I just want to see what you think. Please?
Is it possible? Should I tell someone?
Definitely speak up. I just opened up to my mom about my symptoms a few days ago and she is scheduling an appointment for me as we speak. I've had symptoms since I was 10 or 11, but I always brushed them off as me having an overly creative imagination. And it sucks because I could've been helped a long time ago, but I didn't say anything. I've let it get way too out of hand now and my symptoms have gotten much, much worse.
Can I ask you something, since you understand it more than I do? Can you remember your childhood? I can't. Is it a symptom to have bad memory? I don't know if it's because I've never had a permenent home, but all my friends seem to. Wierd?