I am a recently separated husband. We have 2 children and one of them has special needs. He has a lot of appointments. My wife has no car so I''ve been helping out by taking him to his appointments but that puts us in constant contact. This has lead to too many fights between us and I want to try to get over our break up.
She is also trying to get me to run unnecessary errands for her since I have a car. Sometimes tries to guilt me into it if I say no. What the hell do I do? Please help.
Buy her a car. With a special needs child, with ANY child in the home she needs to have a car for appointments but especially for emergencies. If you have the "family car" from marriage, the courts will make you give it to her so save some hassle and give her yours...or buy her another one.
She needs to learn to be self reliant but you need to help her along but within limits. We went through something similar for years with my BF's ex but eventually we set boundaries. This in no way diminishes your responsibilities to your children. You should be there for your children as much as possible but separately.
A couple of years ago the same thing cropped up again when his ex found herself without a car. After a couple of months playing taxi we decided to buy her one.Problem solved. It worked wonders for our relationship.
The problem was that in the beginning , after their split, he fell for the guilt. When we met a few years later he was deeply entrenched as her "do boy". It affected our relationship tremendously. He eventually learned to say no but she would then tap his family members or friends to do her bidding. I have always felt that had he not enabled her so much in the beginning she would be able to cope without having to lean on everyone so much. The earlier she learns to be self -reliant the less strain you and your family will have in the long run.
She is now in her 40's and is still incapable of taking care of herself . She has never lived anywhere other than with the guy she left him for and now her mother. She doesn't work. In part, I think because no-one ever gave her the tools to stand on her own and now it is too late for her.